


In Between

by Infility (orphan_account)



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit RPF, aidean - Fandom
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-06
Updated: 2013-12-06
Packaged: 2017-12-17 20:54:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 23
Words: 47,185
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/871859
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/Infility
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean O'Gorman is new in London, and has never been in love. He hasn't ever experienced true love, so how the hell could he tell what he's feeling now? Especially when there's more than one person he seems to have some feelings for. And Adam isn't helpful, like friends should be.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So this is my first story ever! ^^ I absolutely love Dean, Aidan, Richard, Martin, everyone from the Hobbit cast! <33 And if there isn't some kind of love, we will add it ;)  
> So, hope you'll enjoy! This is a multi-chapter story with surprises so hang on!

"I know you love me." Adam said, wriggling his eyebrows and holding up the brown paper bag containing coffee and doughnuts. Dean couldn't help but laugh, opening the door some more for his friend to sneak in. 

"I do, definetly." He admitted, taking the bag from Adam. Coffee was just what he needed, and a large mug, thank you very much. It was the third of November, and the air was freezing, snow pouring from the grey sky like someone would've held an endless bucket of sugar above their heads. Dean wasn't used to snowy winters, experiencing his first Christmas in London. He missed New Zealand, and once again he turned his miserable face to Adam. 

"I should've waited for spring before I moved. It's too cold to even think!" He said, gasping dramatically and slamming his hand against his forehead. Soon after Adam's hand followed, slapping the top of his head. 

"Hey!" Dean backed up and held the paper bag defensively in front of his face. Adam snickered and took a seat on one of the cardboard boxes Dean still had lying around. It turned out to be a mistake, the box being actually empty, and Adam fell straight through with a loud yelp and an uncommon curse. 

"Are you okay?" Dean asked, trying his best to remain serious as Adam peaked up at him, feet tangling in the air uselessly, ass tightly inside the box. Slowly he wriggled his way back up, face calm, and wiped some non-existent dust from his shoulders. 

"Pardon me." He said gravely. "I believe I have broken your chair."  
Dean laughed aloud, and soon after Adam joined him.  
"No, seriously, you need to stop complaining about the cold." Adam said wearily when the laughter died. He reached to dig his own coffee from the bag, taking a sip and looking around in search of space to sit on. Turned out there wasn't any, Dean's several books having taken residence on the couch and even on the kitchen counters. 

"Would that I could." Dean shrugged. "But it was your idea that I moved fast and during this year." He took a bite of his doughnut and sighed. "Heavenly." 

"Yes, but you can't put the blame on me you rat!" Adam slapped the air into Dean's direction. "You had everything done and prepared, and well, truth be told, I didn't want to pay your rent for another month." Adam said sheepishly, but Dean nodded.  
"I understand that point. But I said to you I could pay the rent from New Zealand. You refused." 

Adam shrugged nonchalantly.  
"But I'm your friend. Of course I paid for the apartment for as long as it took for you to prepare. You owe me your life now." He smiled, walking over to the couch and mercilessly wiping few books to the floor, somehow managing to squeeze himself into the tiny space he created. 

"My life is yours." Dean said, leaning against the crumbling wall. He really needed to paint. He had actually made a list of what to do. First, he'd empty and throw away every single cardboard box. He'd buy that frigging bed before Adam would decide a sleepover was needed and would die upon seeing the pathetic mattress Dean used as a bed. He'd also buy some paint for the livingroom walls, though he hadn't yet decided the colour. He wanted something bright, artistic, instead of the normal white or beige. Definetly not beige. 

"Yellow." Adam said observantly, and when Dean raised his eyebrows, Adam pointed at the walls. "I saw that stare. You'll feel better immediately when you have the apartment done. I say yellow, it's your color. And the windows face the direction the sun rises from, whatever it was, so you'd have a nice morning glow every day." Adam said, and then whimpered a little, pushing a book away from under his thigh.  
"That book wasn't there a moment ago." He said with wide eyes. 

"Yes, my books are on a mission to slaughter you in your sleep." Dean said, dead-serious. His coffee mug was empty and he placed it on the windowsill, the coldness of the glass clawing its way into his bones.  
"I need some kind of a heater here." He shuddered, pulling his hand away. 

"No you don't." Adam rolled his eyes. "Just don't stuck your tongue on the glass or you'll stay there 'til June." 

"Thanks." Dean smiled. He had to admit, no matter how cold it was outside, that he felt happier than ever, having taken the chance to move to London. The city was beautiful, covered in snow, some of the stores already putting Christmas lights above their doors. It was a bit early for his taste, but when it was dark the decorations gave extra light. 

Adam's yawn snapped Dean back from his Christmasy thoughts, and he turned. Adam had gently placed the books to the floor, having stretched his legs up, and was contently smiling at Dean. 

"You know, it's quite rare for here to be snow at this time." He pointed out. "Usually it's grey and raining through Christmas, and snow comes in January or even later. So consider yourself lucky." 

"I do, really." Dean said quietly. Adam nodded his understanding, yawning again. Dean walked over to tuck his freezing hand down the back of Adam's shirt and press it against Adam's warm skin. With a yelp Adam sprung up from the couch. 

"What was that for?" He asked miserably. Dean sat down and smiled crookedly, taking the other doughnut from the bag and biting into it. Adam always brought two, but never ate anything, so Dean had long stopped asking if he could eat Adam's share. The answer was always the same. 

"No getting to sleep." Dean said strictly. "We are going to shop some groceries for tonight's dinner. And we'll do it early, because if I know you at all you have prepared some royal menu that takes an eternity to cook." 

Adam looked sheepish, a small grin tugging at his lips. "Well, I just thought that we should celebrate you having finally moved here. And you are meeting my friends for the first time too! Luke, Graham, Richard-" 

"Oh, so I finally get to meet the famous Richard!" Dean grinned. Adam flushed deep red and waved his hand in the air.  
"Yes, but I don't like him in that way anymore. I did for a long time, but it never changed from awkwardeness to anything real. So I gave up and now we are friends." He smiled.  
"And then you'll meet Lee," he continued his list. "And Jimmy and Orlando and Aidan.."  
"Woah, that's a real party you have there." Dean interrupted. He felt a little scared, suddenly appearing and squeezing himself into their circle. What if they had been friends since babies? What if they wouldn't like him? Dean tended to be a little awkward in new situations, and the last he needed was to make a fool of himself in front of that many people at once. 

Adam seemed to know what he was thinking, slowly shaking his head.  
"Don't you worry, Deano. They will love you. But few warnings I have." Adam scratched the back of his neck.  
"I'm all ears." Dean said.  
"Yeah, so.. Well, basically everyone's pretty normal, but as always there are exceptions. Wonderful exceptions, but nonetheless. For example Aidan and Jimmy. They are both Irish, and they have humor that might go over with everyone else at times. Aidan is also very unique in all imaginable ways, so watch out for him will you? If he likes you, you're good."  
"Why do you always pick the tough cases and try to fix their lives?" Dean asked, sighing.  
"If I wouldn't, we wouldn't know each other." Adam grinned. "Then, Richard is a tough one, was for me too and God knows how I worked to get him peak out from his shell! He isn't shy, he just.. Doesn't seem to care about the world, like his philosophy is that the world goes around and so do we, period. But if you make him smile, you're good. Then there's Graham, that grumpy little bastard. But he's most likely the first to offer you a drink. He's always up for a wild party." Adam smiled.  
"That sounds.. Scary." Dean swallowed. "I have to make Aidan like me, have to squeeze out a smile from Richard, and get Graham to offer me a drink. All that in one night with my flirting skills? I might pass away during the starters." Dean ducked as Adam's hand slapped towards him again. 

"No you won't!" Adam laughed. "As I said, they will love you, because you never pretend. Those were just basic warnings for your protection, and that you won't be too shocked. It is a group worth seeing together. Everyone fits in, everyone is different." Adam raised his hand to check the wrist watch. His eyebrows disappeared under his bangs and he pulled Dean up from the couch.  
"We need to get going, it's already nine and we need to go to the butcher's separately! I need the best meat!" He rushed to the hall and threw Dean's leather jacket towards him. Dean caught it and saw Adam stare at him, unimpressed. 

"What?" He asked, pulling the jacket on and searching the room for his scarf.  
"You are really new here." Adam shook his head. "If you think you'll survive in a leather jacket."  
"Well, what else do I have?" Dean arched an eyebrow. He found his scarf and tied it around his neck, annoyed by the slight stubble that scratched his hand. He should shave.  
"Well, at least you freeze stylishly, I'll give you that." Adam said, buttoning up his own jacket that actually just looked like a huge meatball. Though Dean would never say that aloud. 

They left the building and marched along the snowy streets, Dean soon discovering that Adam had been right. The cold creeped in from the thin fabric, freezing him to the bone despite the pullover he had under the jacket. His cheeks flushed red and his blue eyes started to sparkle in a glassy manner, his blonde curls soon having frost all over them. When Adam turned to point something at him, he halted and laughed merrily.  
"What?" Dean asked, hurt and too cold to think of what he might look like. He just wanted to get inside somewhere. Now. 

"You just look like a snowman." Adam giggled. "But the fresh air does good to you, you look dashing."  
Dean rolled his eyes. "A dashing snowman." He mumbled, nearly hearing his eyelashes crack, having frozen.  
Luckily Adam found the shop he needed and they rushed in, their breaths forming clouds to the suddenly humid and warm air. 

"Remind me to buy a proper jacket." Dean shivered. "Or I'll spend the holidays in sick bed."  
"That can't happen, you'll have to spend holidays with me." Adam said, taking a basket and striding to the bread aisle. "Right now, you look like Axl Rose from the beginning of Don't Cry, though blonde."  
Dean ignored the comment and took a basket as well, going to the fruits section, peering at his half of the shopping list. Adam had gone over himself with it, having decorated it with hearts and funny creatures that looked like bunnies but could just as well be pigs. Dean didn't dare say.

He picked the tomatos, apples, pineapples and peaches with care, knowing that if one of them was bad Adam would send him straight back.  
That's why he didn't notice there was someone else before he collided with that someone, sending the pear he had in his hand to the floor along with the other's phone.  
"Damn it, look where you go!" The other said angrily, and Dean looked to his side from the pathetic jelly on the floor that had just been the perfect pear in his mind. 

A man was crouching on the floor, collecting the shattered pieces of his phone. Dean couldn't see the man's face, but he seemed tall and was wearing stylish trench with the collars put up, a scarf thrown over his shoulder and a pair of faded jeans. His hair was brown and straight, quite long, falling over his face as he finally straightened. With an annoyed huff the man ran a hand through the brown locks to wipe them away. He was handsome, supporting that French type of small beard and moustache that didn't look good on many, but looked absolutely gorgeous on him. His eyes were narrow, blueish green and dark, and they sparkled in a friendly way at Dean.  
"I apologize for my cursing, I must have frightened you." The man said politely. With a gesture that Dean doubted the man himself even noticed he wiped his hair behind his ear to keep it out of his face, where it seemingly tried to go.  
"It's just that I was in the middle of a work conversation trough email, and you startled me." 

"I'm so sorry!" Dean said quickly, finally getting his voice back. He blushed strongly and pointed at the phone the man held on his hand.  
"Is it broken?" 

The man pressed a button at the side of the phone, and it came to life, the screen lighting up. For a second Dean was able to see a picture of a really beautiful woman with blonde hair, but then the screen died again. The man was smiling at him.  
"Seems to be fine." 

"Luke!" Someone said loudly from behind Dean, and the man's green eyes flashed up. Dean turned, seeing Adam trotting towards them with his basket already full of groceries, where Dean's was nearly empty. 

"Adam!" Luke smiled widely, revealing perfectly white and straight teeth. He hugged Adam with one arm. Adam looked from Luke to Dean and back. 

"Dean, this is one of my friends, Luke Evans. He is a soldier from the military forces, a Sergeant. He's also an architect. Luke, this is Dean O'Gorman, my friend from New Zealand. Dean's a photographer. He'll be coming to the dinner tonight." Adam smoothly presented. Luke wore an expression of polite interest, but Dean couldn't tell whether or not he cared. 

"A lucky coincidence then." Luke said warmly, reaching out to shake Dean's hand. His grip was strong, his hand cool.  
"Well, Adam, I must fly, I still have work to do, and Scarlett is anxious about the new curtains she ordered, heavens know why." Luke rolled his eyes playfully, taking his leave.  
"Dean, it was a pleasure meeting you. See you later!" He waved his hand and marched to the counter, the end of his scarf dancing behind him. 

"Well, Luke likes you." Adam said, glancing down into Dean's basket and frowning. He took up the one pear Dean had, placing it sheepishly back to where it had been.  
"That isn't a good pear." He said, handing his own basket to Dean and starting to pick fruits that said nothing to any common citizen. 

"How could you tell he liked me?" Dean asked, curious. For him Luke had seemed very ordinary, one of those people who always seemed polite to strangers. 

"Well, he wouldn't have bothered starting any kind of conversation with you if he hadn't. He would've just walked away." Adam shrugged, looking at the contents of the basket and heading to the line. Dean saw Luke's back as the man walked outside, holding a bag of food on his other hand, the suffered phone on the other. 

"He was very good-looking." Dean admitted. Adam guffawed, loading the counter with what seemed like very expensive gourmet food. Which it was. 

"He is. But he is a happy husband and soon-to-be-father. Scarlett will be coming tonight too, she's lovely." Adam dug up his credit card. "If the night's a success you'll probably be asked to join the wedding."

"Wedding?" Dean asked. Adam nodded distantly.  
"Yes, Scarlett and Luke are engaged, but will marry after the child's been born. They had planned on getting married earlier, but Luke was called for." He explained.

"Called for?" Dean repeated, packing the groceries into four plastic bags, thinking rather miserably of the way to Adam's place.  
"Sergeant." Adam said, and Dean nodded his understanding.  
"So he's like a.. Peace keeper?"  
"Sort of." Adam said, giving a smile at the woman behind the counter before they headed out. For a while they stood in the freezing wind, before Dean stepped forward and hailed a taxi.  
"Deano, I have no money for a taxi." Adam whispered as one halted next to them.  
"Don't worry, I do." Dean assured, sliding into the warm car with a sigh. Adam could walk if he wanted to, Dean would take a cab.  
But Adam climbed in after him, telling the driver the address and leaning back on the leather seat. 

"You will help me to cook." He said. Dean widened his eyes dramatically, raising his hands in defense.  
"I can't even boil water, Adam."  
"Doesn't matter. You'll do what I say and it'll be fine. But I really can't cook alone."  
"No, no please, Adam, I will just ruin-" Dean was interrupted as Adam's cell rung. Adam picked it up, frowning at the name on the screen.  
"Why would Aid call me now.." He mumbled, taking the phone to his ear. Dean could only assume Aid meant Aidan. 

"Hello?" Adam said. Immediately another voice was heard, strong even for Dean. He didn't understand the sentences, but he heard the Irish accent. It was.. damn sexy.  
"Yes." Adam nodded. "Of course. No, it isn't a bother. No, Aidan, you are more than welcome to come over. Just be prepared to cook with me."  
Dean heard a laugh from the other side, a pleasant laugh that made him shiver.  
"And Dean will be there too." Adam chirped.  
"Dean?" Dean heard his name spoken from the phone, softly, curiously.  
"Yes, that friend-"  
"From New Zealand!" Aidan laughed. Then his voice went low again, and Dean didn't hear the end of the call. But it didn't matter. Aidan had remembered who he was, at least in a way, so to say, and Dean had no idea why he wanted to smile like a maniac. He didn't even know what Aidan was like, despite the small things the man's voice and style of speaking gave up. Aidan sounded like a guy who got excited really easily, smiled a lot and spoke loud. But maybe Dean just felt happy because Aidan was one of the friends he was supposed to impress soon, and Aidan had started by remembering who he was. 

"Deano?" Adam's voice broke his bubble and Dean turned to face his friend.  
"Aidan's coming over in five, he's bored and got fired from his job. He'll help me cook so you can just sit and relax." Adam patted his arm as the cab stopped in front of an old brownstone. Dean paid and they got out, which was difficult and annoying with the four heavy plastic bags. Dean was just about to curse loud when the other bag he was holding slipped to hang from his pinky only, and he could almost hear the bone crack. He let out a loud yelp of pain and dropped the bag to the ground. 

"Dean! Are you alright?" Adam asked worriedly from the other side of the taxi, half way out. Dean was about to answer, whimpering from the quick stabs of pain that went from his finger straight to his heart, when a hand grabbed his and spun him around. 

Dean found himself face to face with the hottest and most bohemian guy he had ever seen. The other was taller than Dean, lean and strong, his quite long hair dark brown and wildly curly, the other side wiped behind his ear. His face was rather intimidating, dark stubble covering his jaw, his strong eyebrows in a frown over a pair of big, chocolate brown eyes. He was wearing a thick flanel jacket, old jeans that seemed to break from the smallest movement, and a pair of boots that had seen better days. On his hands he had gloves with no fingerplaces on them, and from the corner of his mouth hung a cigarette. 

Dean was glad he wasn't expected to speak, having lost his voice, as the stranger inspected his pinky.  
The man tried to move it, earning a grunt from Dean. The pair of melted chocolate eyes looked quick up at Dean's face.  
"Does that hurt?" He asked, and Dean recognized the voice. 

"Aidan!" Adam said, having appeared beside Dean. He looked at the scene in front of him with a frown.  
"What's happening?" 

"I was walking down the street when I saw ya." Aidan said before Dean could even open his mouth. "Then this blondie-Dean eh?-dropped the bag and it looked like he had hurt himself, so I came a bit faster. You ought to thank me, I nearly slipped there and broke my neck." Aidan grinned at Dean, who was now pale and only managed a weak smile. 

"Dean! Is your finger broken?" Adam asked, horrified, leaning closer.  
"Yeh." Aidan said, turning his head to blow out smoke from the side of his mouth. "Do you still have the first aid kit?"  
"Of course, but shouldn't Dean go to hospital-" Adam tried.  
"No!" Dean said quickly. "No hospitals!" He grabbed the bag he could hold to his other hand, Aidan taking the other and peering in. 

"Good for you this one only had meat and rice in it. Doesn't hurt to drop these around." He said warmly, looking straight into Dean's eyes. "Trust me will ya, I can put your hand in a package no one has ever seen, and you'll be as good as new in no time!" 

Dean only smiled his response, more than little bewildered. Aidan was very straight forward, didn't waste time and forgot or decided to leave the common stiffness of the first meetings aside. He was different, smelling of cigarettes and lemon-soap. His smile was.. well, able to brighten a day, two endless rows of white teeth, laugh wrinkles at the corners of his eyes. Aidan seemed to radiate heat and energy around him, and the pain in Dean's finger turned from piercing pangs to dull throbbing whenever those brown eyes met his, sparkling. 

Dean kind of liked him.


	2. Dough and weak knees

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time to meet the rest of Adam's friends!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heehee, the start of the dinner is always a bit hectic, but in the next chapter everyone gets to know each other a little better ^^

"Here we go." Aidan said, letting go of Dean's wrist and letting him admire the beautiful bandage that went stylishly around his wrist and tucked his pinky together with his nameless, so tightly the pain became bearable, Dean not being able to move the finger. Aidan had also found this stick-like thingie, Dean had no idea what it was, and it too kept his pinky in place, firm inside the bandage.

Aidan smirked at his expression.  
"First class, honey." He winked, standing up and trotting lazily towards the kitchen, where Adam had had more than few panic attacks at the amount of food. 

Dean leaned back in the comfortable armchair, not yet convinced his legs would hold if he'd stand up. He didn't understand why, but all the time Aidan had been wrapping the bandage around his hand, his heart had been beating so loud he had wondered why Aidan hadn't already called an ambulance. It couldn't be healthy. But it had felt nice, Aidan's long fingers brushing his skin. Dean blushed at his toughts and coughed to clear his head. He heard Adam give Aidan instructions for something that sounded suspiciously like white chocolate cheese cake, Aidan answering something softly. 

Dean let his eyes wander around Adam's livingroom. Adam had been dating a very rich guy for three years, and wasn't poor himself either, so Dean felt a little jealous-the livingroom alone was basically the size of his whole house. Adam and the guy, George his name had probably been, had broke up a while ago, but in good terms, George leaving the house for Adam. Which was only fair, Dean thought, when considered how much time and money Adam had put to the apartment to make it elegant. The ceiling was high up, a skylight with a heater melting the snow from top of it and revealing the sky. The walls were white except for the one in the back, which was painted black and decorated with white flowers. The floor was polished, light wood, and Adam had carefully placed a black carpet straight into the middle. On top of it was a big coffee table made of thick glass, a vase full of white roses in the middle, few heavy books carefully set next to it. The couch was wide and long, the color called pearl white, as Adam had happily bragged at the time he had bought it. On the left wall was a huge, decorated fireplace with a mirror on top of it, and next to Dean was a low shelf with the biggest plasma tv Dean had ever encountered. The windows were from the floor all the way up to the ceiling, giving light and working as doors to the terrace as well. 

To Dean's right opened the wide corridor that lead to the stairs and to the kitchen on the far end, to the dining room, bathroom and hall on the other. The big double doors to the dining room were pulled open, and Dean sighed. The room was big, an enormous, round table with matching chairs taking most of the space. The table seemed to be ebony, or then just pine painted black. The opposite wall was all windows, the others just glass shelves full of decorated plates, silverware, wine glasses and several bottles of different whiskeys and liquors. In the middle of the table was a set of white, long candles. 

Unable to face more black and white beauty, Dean stood up and headed to the kitchen. He stopped at the doorway, eyes wide and finally understanding fully what Adam had meant by the fact he definetly couldn't cook alone. 

The kitchen, a room oddly small compared to everything else Dean had seen, was full of food. Every single closet door, all made of cherry tree and milk glass, were open, revealing the contents that told Dean Adam would be a safe choice to come to would a zombie apocalypse surprise the humankind.  
Every counter was full of fish, half way made salad, dough, flour, potatos waiting to be peeled, drinks, plates, kettles, pans, opened cans of tomatos, sardines, pieces of pineapple and everything imaginable. Adam was crouching next to the oven, face red and concentrated as he tried to stuff a huge piece of meat inside. Aidan stood at the small side table, leaning against it with his lower back, stirring the dough he had in a huge bowl. He had tied his hair up into a cute little ponytail. 

Aidan raised his eyes when Dean shifted.  
"Deano." He nodded, grinning. Adam sprung up, slamming the oven door closed and wiping sweat from his forehead. He came to Dean and took his injured hand, observing it. 

"Good job with the bandage." He nodded. "Poor Dean, do you want some tea?" He looked at Dean with pity.  
"No, I'm fine. And you seem to have a lot to do, don't let me disturb you." He smiled, and Adam nodded thankfully, returning to the salad. 

""Ere, sit down." Aidan said, kicking a chair towards Dean. He did as told, feeling completely useless and embarrassed. Aidan started to whistle a tune that sounded terribly like the funeral march, and Dean looked up, finding Aidan staring at him with a mischievous sparkle in his eyes.

"Tell me, Deano, who are you?" Aidan asked. He pulled another chair forward with his leg, sitting down, never stopping the stirring, never looking away from Dean. 

"Well, I'm from New Zealand, Wellington. I am a photographer, and I must say the salary sucks but I enjoy it. I... My life really is pretty dull." He shrugged.  
"I don't think so." Aidan said. "What brought ya here?" 

"I don't know. Adam moved here, and he's my best friend. Also I felt like I had already seen everything possible at home, so when Adam said he found a nice place for me, I took the chance." Dean said, avoiding Aidan's eyes and hoping Adam too would take the hint of keeping the story clean. Adam did, only glancing at Dean quickly. 

"What do you mean Adam moved here?" Aidan asked. "I've known him forever."  
"Yeah, he's from here, but he spent winters mostly there, he had a house next to me. We got to know each other when he asked me to take care of it when he was here." Dean explained, and Aidan nodded, poking his finger into the dough and tasting it. Immediately Adam attacked like a hissing python, snatching the bowl and holding it up. 

"Don't you dare try that again, Turner!" He said loudly. Aidan laughed, bowed his head and received the bowl back. When Adam turned he poked the next finger in.  
"It's delicious. I should be a baker." He whispered happily. 

"Yeah, Adam told me you got fired." Dean said, before he could hold his tongue. Luckily Aidan didn't seem flustered, just nodded.  
"Aye. I was working in a book store, but the bad thing is I love books. So whenever my boss needed me, he always found me stuffed into some tiny corner with a book. And I can't hear anything when I'm reading, so every time he had to snatch the book from me to have me listen. After the tenth time he said he gives up and doesn't expect me the next Monday." Aidan grinned. "But that's okay. I can never do what I really want to, so I do what I have to so that I get some money." 

"What.. what would you want to do then?" Dean asked. Aidan handed the ready dough to Adam, taking the fruits next and starting to chop them into pieces, leaning to the side from his chair to reach the table.  
"I'd want to be an artist. I draw. Paint. But it doesn't keep anyone alive." Aidan shrugged. "That's mainly the only thing I'm good at." 

"No it isn't." Dean smiled, raising his hand. "Now look at this. It's as good as a bandage can get." 

Aidan guffawed. "Do you like peach?" He asked.  
"Yeah." Dean answered, wondering why. He got his answer as Aidan turned over with a piece of peach in his hand. He gave it to Dean and resumed his work.  
"It was an extra." He said. 

Dean felt his face burn, and he looked up to find Adam making funny faces at him. Dean waved him off and took a bite of the fruit. It was delicious, and he congratulated himself of the good choice. 

"Can I see your drawings sometime?" Dean asked, wondering if it was too bold to ask. Aidan turned, eyebrows raised.  
"Do you really want to?" He asked.  
"Well of course. I'm a photographer. Art is important to me." Dean shrugged. Aidan grinned widely and nodded.  
"Yeh, why not." 

This time, when Dean turned to Adam, his friend was looking at him with wide eyes, slowly raising his thumb up for Dean. 

•••••

The clock was already three when everything was done, and Aidan announced he'd take a quick shower, leaving Dean to pointlessly follow Adam around the house. Adam chose a simple white tablecloth for the dining room, and lit the candles. Then he rushed to the living room and lit the fireplace, the flames dancing and crackling happily. It was very cosy. 

"I still can't believe he said YES when you asked to see his drawings!" Adam said a little breathlessly, choosing the plates with some Chinese text on them and arranging them to the table along with the shiny silverware and polished glasses. Dean was more than scared at this point, the dinner he had thought simple starting to look more and more like a meeting of kings or high politicians. 

"What do you mean?" He asked, pulling the extra chairs away and to the hall by Adam's order.  
"Well, normally he says a strict no. I had known him for three years and pleaded for three thousand times before he let me see them." Adam said, but didn't sound bitter, just surprised. He took some of the jackets off the hangers and stuffed them into a linen closet, leaving space for the guests' jackets. 

"Well, I really can't say anything to that." Dean said, and Adam laughed.  
"No you can't, but I can, and I say he really likes you."  
"But how can that be when I haven't even talked much?" Dean asked, confused, placing the shoes in neat rows, again by Adam's orders. 

"Aidan kind of senses what kind of a person someone is, I don't know but he explained that to me once, after he had met Richard and told me Richard is actually a good guy and so on. Which turned out to be true. So don't question it and just be happy he does." Adam said, looking wildly around and deciding he was happy. He fell down to the couch with a heavy sigh. 

"It's always so exhausting to have dinners." He said. Dean sat next to him, smiling.  
"You know, I'm sure your friends wouldn't mind if you had just pizza and movies every once in a while." He said.  
"That's Aidan's thing." Adam grinned. "We all have our own style of doing things, and almost every weekend we see at someone's place. This weekend was supposed to be Luke's turn, but since you are my friend I'm throwing the party."  
"I see." Dean said, more than able to imagine Aidan in a messy but cosy apartment with loads of pizza and a Star Wars marathon waiting to be watched. 

At that moment Aidan came back downstairs, hair damp and wearing one of Adam's shirts. Adam said nothing, probably used to that, but Dean couldn't help but wonder how someone could look so gorgeous in simple black jeans and a shirt with no brand on it, dark curls open. 

Aidan yawned and threw himself next to Dean just as the doorbell rang. Adam rushed to open, and Dean swallowed. Here I go, he said to himself, hoping the others would like him like Aidan did. 

The first guest appeared to be Luke with his lovely wife Scarlett. Scarlett was a blonde, short woman from Georgia, a natural beauty with golden skin and sun-kissed hair. Her big eyes were deep emerald green and she smiled warmly at everyone. Her hand rested over her stomach, which didn't look so big, but that was because she was an athlete, as she kindly told Aidan who had immediately asked how she could be in such a great shape. 

Luke spotted Dean and came to him, smiling widely and more openly than he had in the store.  
"Congratulations," Dean smiled.  
"Thank you, Dean." Luke nodded, but his smile turned into a frown when he spotted the bandage.  
"Did you get hurt?" He asked, gently taking Dean's hand and raising it to inspect Aidan's work. He seemed to approve.  
"Yes, the bags were so heavy and I was clumsy." Dean said. Luke's eyes left his hand and moved to meet his eyes.  
"Be careful then." He said seriously. "It's never nice to see people bandaged." He smiled once more and turned to Scarlett.  
"Letty, meet Dean O'Gorman. He's Adam's friend and moved here from New Zealand." Luke introduced.  
"Dean, this is my lovely wife Scarlett." 

Dean shook hands with the woman, earning a bright smile from her as well.  
"Oh poor you, you are injured!" She gasped when noticed his hand. "Does it hurt? Because I have some pills in my purse."  
"No, no, it feels okay now, thanks." Dean assured his well-being, and Scarlett nodded, moving to chat with Aidan as the bell rang again and Adam went to open. 

"Orlando! Come in. Oh and Lee, I didn't see you, come quick it's freezing!" Adam chirped, and Dean observed as two handsome men stepped into the hall with wide grins. Orlando was a lean brunette with brown eyes and somehow very royal and proud shape of face, so to say. He had a pleasant voice and a nice smile.  
Lee's brown hair was fluffy and a little wavy, and he looked a lot like a cute puppy, smiling widely and giving Adam a hug. Both came to Dean when Adam pointed them to. 

"Orlando Bloom," Orlando said, and Lee leaned closer, introducing himself as Lee Pace.  
"Dean O'Gorman." Dean said.  
"Oh, so you finally got yourself here from New Zealand!" Lee said merrily. "Which place do you like more?"  
"Lee, as if he could tell, he's lived here-how long, actually?" Orlando asked, arching one of his stylishly shaped eyebrows.  
"Five days now." Dean said. Lee's eyes widened.  
"Five days? Geez! Well, welcome, mate, hope you'll love it!"  
Dean laughed and assured he probably would indeed. 

For a while no more guests appeared, and Adam went to the kitchen to prepare some drinks. Orlando got lost into a conversation with Scarlett and Luke, Lee picking up a book and inspecting the back of it with a face of mild interest. Aidan elbowed his way to Dean and grinned, holding out a glass of some sort of alcohol.  
"Here ya go mate." Aidan said. "Bottoms up!" And then he flicked his wrist and swallowed the contents of his own glass, his face not changing a bit. Dean tasted his. Jack Daniels. He smiled his thanks, already a lot calmer. He liked the guests who had appeared so far-Luke was that calm, polite type, that might have seemed cold at first, but Dean saw how lovingly he observed his wife when she explained something to Orlando. Scarlett was absolutely lovely, cute small lady one usually only read about from books. Orlando's laugh was silent and pleasant, and his eyes narrowed constantly as he smiled. Lee then was the overwhelmingly helpful one, fussing around with Adam, preparing drinks and filling the glasses, grinning and eyes sparkling nonstop. Dean was just about to go over to have a chat with him when a new voice interrupted his plans.

"You bastards, didn't open the door!" Someone said loudly, and everyone turned to see a tall, bald and intimidating man, who's frown turned into a barking laugh everyone immediately joined. 

"Graham!" Adam appeared from the kitchen. "I'm so sorry, I completely missed!"  
Graham grabbed Adam into a bear hug and laughed loudly.  
"Don't worry, I didn't ring. The door was open." He said and ruffled Adam's hair.  
"And you dare call us bastards." Aidan said and earned a ruffle as well. 

Adam took Graham's hand and lead him to Dean. Graham didn't smile at him, just looked him over quickly and shook his hand.  
"Graham McTavish." He said.  
"Dean O'Gor-"  
"I know yer name laddie." Graham grunted and turned to chat with Lee, who had sat on to the glass table and picked up one of the heavy books. Lee shot Dean a knowing smile before turning his attention fully to Graham. 

"Dean, show me that hand." Someone said suddenly, and Dean turned to see Orlando and Luke, both looking at him. Scarlett was walking towards the kitchen with Adam. 

Dean did as told, holding up his bandaged hand. Orlando took it and raised it so high to his face that Dean had to stand up to his tiptoes.  
"I'm a doctor," Orlando explained. "The bandage looks good. Is the finger broken?"  
"Yes." Dean said, and Orlando let his hand go.  
"Well, in that case, let me have a look at it later. Be the bandage as good as it is, it's still broken." He shook his head. "Shopping incident?"  
Dean glanced over at Luke, who grinned sheepishly.  
"You could say so." He admitted. Orlando smiled, and was about to say something when the doorbell rang again. 

"It's Jimmy, I saw him when I drove here. Didn't want a ride, needed fresh air." Graham announced, and as Adam was in the kitchen, Aidan went to open. 

Jimmy nearly threw him away as he ran in, jumping and laughing, stuffing a handful of snow down Aidan's shirt. Aidan cried out and jumped higher than Dean had thought a human could, shaking the shirt to get the snow out before it melted. He snarled at Jimmy angrily as everyone else laughed.  
Jimmy had a wicked grin, grey hair and dark eyebrows, and his accent was definetly the most Irish thing Dean had ever heard.  
"Don't mind it laddie, it'll melt." He assured Aidan. Aidan whimpered something miserably, and Lee appeared next to him, handing a towel and forcing his laugh back. 

Jimmy immediately turned to Dean, as if he had known exactly where he stood. He came forward, and instead of shaking Dean's hand he pulled him into a hug.  
"Finally 'ere are we?" He laughed. "We've all been waitin' for ya."  
"Oh," Dean said. "Thank you."  
"For what?" Jimmy asked, grinning. "James Nesbitt. Jimmy for friends."  
"Dean O'Gorman." Dean answered. 

"Now all we need is our lovely Richard!" Jimmy announced. "Where is that grumpy old bear?"  
"Stylish pear!" Aidan yelled, having heard wrong. "Though I can't see where you see a pear in Richard..."  
"Bear I said, you moron!" Jimmy said. "And a stylish bear then." 

"He's late. He's always late." Graham grinned approvingly.  
"Yes, make yourself at home, it'll take a while before he's here." Adam said, rolling his eyes, and everyone took a seat where they could find. Aidan dragged a chair from the hall for Dean to sit on when the couch was occupied. Then he sat next to Dean's legs to the floor and contently leaned his head back to Dean's knees. Again Dean felt his heart speeding up, and a blush creeping to his face, but said nothing. 

"What was it you said about the curtains today, Luke?" Adam asked with curiosity, and Luke laughed.  
"Well, we have tried and tried to pick curtains for River's room-"  
"So it's a boy!" Lee said. Luke nodded, and was drowned into an ocean of congratulations-shouts and pats and slams on his back. He grinned.  
"But we can't agree on anything! It's terrible." He sighed, and Scarlett giggled. Then she turned to Dean.  
"I heard you are a photographer. Could you take some pictures for me to put on River's walls? I'd love pictures of the wintery London."  
"Yes, yes of course." Dean said. "Absolutely."  
"You are adorable!" Scarlett sent him a kiss and laughed. "Thank you dear!" 

"How much are your pictures?" Luke asked, more reasonable than his wife, knowing that it was Dean's profession so the pictures would be top quality.  
"Oh, no no, nothing." Dean smiled. "It's just as much a hobby as a profession."  
Luke smiled his thanks. 

Adam glanced at his watch again and sighed.  
"He's very very late. I say we start already, he'll come when he will." He stood up and gestured everyone to the dining room. They sat down, loud chattering, laughs and clatter of forks on plates filling the air. Dean found himself next to Aidan and an empty chair, seemingly for Richard. 

Adam came last, holding a big bowl of light lime-soup for starters, and he divided it on to the plates, hand shaking under the bowl's weight. Dean was already rising up to help when the doorbell rang once more. 

"Deano, could you please open?" Adam asked, in the middle of pouring soup for Lee.  
"Sure." Dean nodded and left the room, walking towards the front door and seeing a tall figure behind the glass. He pushed the cold handle down and pulled the door open. 

A very tall man stood at the threshold, and Dean felt like someone would've knocked the breath out of him, but in a good way. Richard was absolutely, undoubtedly, frigging gorgeous. He was lean as a knife, his black hair carelessly but stylishly brushed so that it was fluffy in the exact way Dean never managed. He had a tidy, short stubble, his nose was narrow and very.. proud, so to say. His eyes, framed by thick and long lashes, were deep sapphire blue with green sparks, and his cheeks were slightly flushed by the cold air. He was wearing a very fashionable, long black coat with two rows of buttons and a belt tied on the hips. He had black jeans that fit him perfectly, and a pair of seemingly brand new leather shoes. 

"Evening, sorry I'm late." Richard said, and his voice, low and deep, made Dean's bones shudder under his skin, and his knees felt like jelly. 

If you can make him smile, you're good, Adam's voice echoed inside Dean's head, and a little dizzily he forced himself to remain standing, shooting his best smile to Richard.  
"It's fine. I'm Dean O'Gorman." 

"Richard Armitage." 

And Richard smiled.


	3. Bunny socks and ruined cakes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Read it and see it. Well okay, in this one Aidan starts to show interest towards Dean, and our poor hero is damn confused and kind of.. yeah xDD oh you, Dean.   
> Richard might be a bit of a puzzle, it's not like I'm writing this but they themselves and daaaamn I'm lost. Just like Dean. Let's stay together.

Richard stepped into the hall and shrugged off his jacket, revealing the tidy dress shirt he was wearing. Dean noticed a thin silver chain that disappeared under the collars, and was immediately curious to know whether it was just a normal army plate or maybe something else. But then Richard was ready, turning to Dean and straightening his back with a little crack. 

"Let me guess, they have all started without me again." He said, sounding more or less amused. 

"Well, yes, but only a minute ago, Adam is just sharing the starters." Dean assured. Richard hummed, deep from his throat, and passed Dean, probably very unconscious of the fact how his smell made Dean dizzy. He smelled distantly like coconut, and clean and warm clothes, and well, like sun. Dean had to blink several times before he was able to follow the tall brit back to the dining room. 

Richard had taken the seat to Dean's right, as he had expected, but now it didn't feel all that nice anymore. Richard made him feel very conscious of himself, the way he ate, talked, smiled, even breathed for crying out loud. And suddenly Dean felt like he breathed abnormally loud, and tried to quiet it down, squeezing himself back to his seat from the tight space between his and Aidan's chair, unable to bother Richard by asking him to move a bit. 

"What on earth are you trying?" Aidan asked, and Dean swallowed. Those brown eyes again. Aidan's hair was now dry, a fluff of curls framing his face, and for Dean's torment he looked extremely amused by Dean's show of getting back to his seat without moving his chair. 

Dean flashed a smile. "Didn't want to bother anyone." He explained, and knew already how ridiculous he sounded. Aidan seemed to think like that too, his mouth twisting as he forced himself not to laugh.   
"I see. But it really wouldn't have been a bother. Just ask me to move my ass next time-fuck!" Aidan looked down to where his red wine was now beautifully spreading around the white table cloth.   
"I'm sorry, Adam!" He looked up miserably. Adam shook his head, smiling.   
"I kind of knew this would happen, so I didn't put the best one." He grinned. 

"Aidan, how are you able to wave your hand so much it made the glass fall down?" Richard asked, leaning over so that Dean was between Aidan's terribly sexy cigarette-lemon soap smell and Richard's hot, sunny smell Dean couldn't quite sort out. "I mean, the glass was in the middle of the table." 

"Talent." Aidan grinned relaxedly at Richard, who rolled his eyes but smiled fondly. Dean, meanwhile, tried his very best not to breathe too loud. For a while he thought he was doing good, but then Aidan turned to him again, frowning. 

"Deano, are you alright?" He asked. He was playing with his fork, and Dean noticed he hadn't touched anything he had on his plate.   
"I'm fine. Why aren't you eating?" 

Aidan glanced at his food. "Not hungry. But seriously, you are so pale, mate, and it seems like you've stopped breathing." 

"I haven't, here I breathe." Dean said, but let his breath go more free. It felt better, and the dizziness from his mind started to leave. 

"You're weird. No one breathes so quietly. You've gotta be a vampire." Aidan winked and grinned, tilting his head and revealing the perfect curve of his neck. For that, Dean thought, I could be.  
"Bite in, good friend, not to worry!" Aidan smirked. Dean's eyes widened, and all he could get out from his mouth was a pathetic try of a word he didn't even recognize himself. 

"Aidan, may I ask you why you are bothering Dean?" Richard turned again. He didn't look at Dean, but at Aidan, who pouted mournfully. "Let him eat in peace."   
"But he's quite adorable when he blushes." Aidan said. "Have you tried to make him blush? It's very easy-" 

"Still here." Dean announced, hearing how everyone else snickered. Aidan laughed aloud, that very boyish, very loud and very nice laugh of his, and Richard smiled again. Then both resumed their eating, or in Aidan's case playing with his fork, and Dean sighed, relieved. 

••••

They got through the starters and the main dish in peace, Dean telling about the exhibitions he had held for his photography all around New Zealand. He told that he had some kind of a camera with him all the time, but that his favorite was definetly the Canon EOS 600D. It was small enough, and light, easy to go around with, and he didn't have to do anything to take a picture of something he liked.   
"Then, for photoshoots, like models or families or weddings, I use this huge camera and the canvas and lights, but it's a different thing." He explained. "It takes forever to place them correctly, and no one pays me if they are not happy. Once I was supposed to take the wedding photos of a very young couple, and they refused to pay me because the girl's nose looked big. I didn't have the heart to tell her that it had nothing to do with my camera." He grinned as everyone laughed. 

"So, you photograph everything?" Luke asked. They were waiting for Adam to bring in the cake-he had refused any help and ordered them to stay and sit and chat.   
Dean nodded. "Anything basically. There are areas I don't go into, and you can probably imagine what they would be. But I got a call yesterday, and I've been offered a huge deal."

"What?" Aidan asked, looking excited like a puppy, and Dean had to smile at him.   
"They are sending me to Afganistan to take photos of the soldiers and peace keepers for an article they are doing, and I-" 

A loud crash startled everyone, and Dean snapped his head to the side so fast it hurt. Adam stood at the doorway, frozen, and the cake was splattered all over the floor, the glass plate in thousands of tiny pieces that reflected the candle light. 

"Adam?" Dean asked, taken aback and a little terrified by the look in Adam's eyes.   
"You can't take that job." Adam said, locking his eyes with Dean's. "You can't, and I dare you to try doing it."

"Adam, it's just a job-" Dean tried, but Adam shook his head.   
"It's dangerous! Almost every single photographer sent for that job comes back in a coffin! And I won't bury you anywhere for a hundred years!" He frowned angrily. Dean stood up, and walked over, wrapping his arms around Adam, ignoring the fact he was standing on a piece of cake. 

"Allright," he said. "I won't take it. But why-" he fell silent, and moved back just a little to see if he was right with what had just struck his thoughts. Adam's miserable face confirmed it, and Dean cursed himself. Of course he should've remembered. Adam's father had been in Afganistan, not photographing but interviewing, writing the article for some other magazine that was never published when he died in a grenade explosion. Why had he brought that stupid offer up? Like anyone here really would've cared for his job.   
"Sorry," he mumbled, and Adam nodded. Then he shifted away from Dean and laughed a little. 

"Sorry, Aid. Your cake is ruined."   
Dean turned to look at the others. Everyone else was smiling symphatetically at Adam, everyone but Richard, who looked straight at Dean, arching an eyebrow as if to ask if Dean was alright. Dean gave a small smile, and Richard stood up. 

"Let's clean it up-Dean, you stepped on it, unfortunately." Richard had a sparkle in his eyes, as if he would've wanted to laugh, and Dean felt utterly embarrassed. Did he really HAVE to step on the piece of cake? Had it been so impossible to, like, go AROUND it? But if he thought he was embarrassed now, there was more to come.   
"You can't walk around-" Richard continued, but was interrupted by Aidan. 

"I'll take care of this," Aidan announced with a grin. And before anyone really quite understood what was happening, he had walked over to Dean and swiped him off his feet into Aidan's arms like he would've been no heavier than a kitten. Dean's eyes went wide, so wide he felt like they took half of his face, and his heart beated like that of a small bird's.   
"Aidan-" he tried, but Aidan just laughed merrily and carried-all be damned he did-Dean away from the dining room and upstairs, leaving a bunch of very confused and amused guests behind. 

Once in Adam's walk-in, Aidan put Dean on the bench and turned to search for a new pair of socks, while Dean had to use all the will power he had to be able to take his socks off. They were sticky with crust, and Dean was careful not to have his fingers on it. 

"I could've just taken my socks off there, you know." Dean said quietly. Aidan turned, holding out a new pair, and smiled.   
"No can do, you could've stepped on the glass. Besides it's cold, can't have you catching a flu." He leaned in a little closer, smiling so wide it nearly reached his ears.   
Dean had lost his ability to breathe. He tried to think straight, and put the socks on, but Aidan was so damn close, he could feel the brown curls tickling his face, feel Aidan's breath against his skin, smell the cigarettes and red wine, which, at least at the moment, seemed like a heavenly combination. 

Dean noticed he was staring at Aidan's lips, and shot his eyes up to search for the brunette's eyes. Aidan was looking straight back, now all serious and sobered. He was so close, all it took was for Dean to lean closer, two millimeters closer... 

"Dean!" Someone shouted from downstairs, and Aidan backed up. Dean felt the cold not-smelling-like-Aidan air hit him, and it cleared his head as much as was needed to answer the shout.   
"Yeah?" Damn his voice sounded hoarse.   
"Are you okay? Did you step on the glass too?" It was Lee asking.  
"No I'm fine, just took a moment to-" Dean glanced down and lost the volume of his voice. "-find a fitting pair..." He mumbled, looking at the socks Aidan had given him. 

It was really a surprise Adam even had socks like that in his closet, but apparently he did or then he had some weird kink Dean had been left out of. The socks were otherwise black, but the very ends of them, above Dean's toes, were two bunny faces with ears. Bunny. Faces. With. Fucking. Ears. 

"So there was nothing else?" Dean asked, inhaling deeply as Aidan nearly giggled.   
"No, nothing." Aidan pulled Dean up to his feet and leaned down to Dean's height, and gave him a small kiss, not to Dean's lips but so close to his mouth it could not have been just a kiss for a friend on the cheek. "But you look quite dashing." Aidan whispered into his ear with a soft laugh, and Dean felt all his power draining from him. Jesus, he'd be very tired when he'd get home. If he ever did that is. But damn, two could play this game, and if Aidan wanted to make Dean feel like a frigging jelly then Aidan had to feel like that too, period.

With that decision, Dean smiled slyly at Aidan and raised to his tiptoes, kissing Aidan to the corner of his mouth. Then he dropped down and just enjoyed the flushed and surprised face of the brunette.   
"Thank you." Dean said, and walked out of the room, as a winner, but as a winner who was deadly conscious of his ridiculous socks.

Dean ascended the stairs, hoping that no one would notice. But apparently Adam and Luke, who were cleaning up the dining room floor, had ordered the others to wait in the living room, and from there people saw him the moment he appeared. 

"Well," Lee said happily. "Now you've got style." He laughed along with Orlando and Scarlett. Jimmy raised his eyebrows with a wide grin.   
"Oi, before we laugh at Dean we need to think seriously about the fact our Adam has a pair like that." He said, and Dean heard Aidan's laugh-Aidan was standing behind him, and Dean noticed he was blocking the way. Slowly he moved and walked to the living room, and Aidan came after, wrapping an arm around his shoulders.   
"Deano here is full of surprises, so maybe Adam is as well." He said, and Dean blushed. 

"I'll go check if they need any help," Aidan announced, turning on his heels and disappearing, leaving Dean and his socks alone into the spotlight.   
"I doubt these were the only socks," Dean shrugged. "But what can I do, if Aidan wants me to wear these." 

"Indeed I do!" Aidan shouted from the dining room, earning laughs again. 

"Dean, if Aidan ever bothers you, feel free to say no." Richard said calmly, as Dean took a seat and pushed his feet under the table to hide them. "He can be a little.. Well, you've seen. So don't take any pressure in being strict sometimes, he clearly likes you so he will be fine." 

Dean nodded, but thought HOW or in what way Aidan 'liked' him. Because it seemed it wasn't just a normal friend-type of like. Of course Dean could be wrong, and he felt a headache starting, pounding at the back of his head for too much thinking. 

"Wow, look outside. Damn me if I don't die out there." Jimmy said, and everyone turned to the big windows. 

It was snowing. Really snowing, it was a snow storm going on behind the glass. Dean could see the terrace, but not the street and definetly not the houses at the other side. All that was in sight was the snow and the lights that shone faintly through. They were blocked into their own, silent and white world. It looked beautiful, and Dean reached for the camera he had left at the side table earlier. He took off the lense cover, zoomed back a little and crouched, his world stopping as he waited for the camera to sharpen up the picture. When it did, and when Dean had found a stable position, he took the picture. It was nice-the snow had uncovered one of the old fashioned black lanterns Adam had on his yard, and the small flame inside it. It'd make a good Christmas card if nothing else. 

"That looked very professional," Jimmy commented, as Dean stood up and put the camera away. "When I take a picture I stand like a tourist and use my phone." He laughed.   
"Yes, that's how I started." Dean smiled. "But then I noticed I like it a lot, so I bought what was needed. I don't think about the posture, photographers can do a great deal of ridiculous ones just to get the perfect picture."   
Dean shivered a little and moved closer to the fire. He searched for Richard, and found the man looking out from the window, deep in thought. 

"It might take a while before we can leave," he said suddenly, blinking and looking back to the others, his eyes lingering on Dean a little longer than on anyone else.   
"It'd be too dangerous to drive if that's all you can see." 

"I agree," Orlando said, stretching and leaning back on his chair. Lee stood up and announced he'd go make some coffee for desserts since the cake was out of count. Dean left with him, wanting to be of some use, and Lee flashed him a smile.   
"Good, you can search if Adam has any cookies. Usually he does, for occasions like this, or for surprise guests." 

Dean rummaged through the shelves and found a package of chocolate chip cookies. Reminding himself to buy a new one-it WAS his fault that no one got any cake-he placed the cookies beautifully on to a big plate, just as Adam and Luke came in with towels and a bucket full of shattered glass. Adam noticed the cookies and grinned. 

"You found my secret stash then." He reached to ruffle Dean's hair-showing he wasn't angry or hurt, and Dean sighed.   
"Yes, but I'll get you a new one."   
"That's not the thing," Adam said. "The thing is, I need to find a new secret stash. Maybe on the upper shelves-"   
"That'd only work for Dean," Luke pointed out. "The rest of us are tall enough to see the upper shelves too."   
"The rest of you would not go through my shelves." Adam laughed at Dean's face. "Sorry, I know Lee asked you to." 

They put the coffee into mugs and carried them to the living room, which had started to look more cosy than huge now that so many was there, spread around on chairs and the couch. It had grown very dark outside, and the fire gave a golden glow into the otherwise dark room. Richard had opened one of the windows to check the weather, and pulled his head back in, his black hair decorated with snowflakes.   
"Still the same," he said. 

"Well," Jimmy yawned, taking his coffee with a grateful smile, "since we'll be here for a long time, shall we use the tv that's meant for watching movies?" 

"I want to see the Hobbit!" Aidan shouted immediately. He pointed a finger at Adam. "I know you have it!" 

"Does everyone agree to that, then?" Adam sighed, and accompanied by nods and "Yes"-shouts from Aidan and Lee, he went to the shelves and dug the DVD up. 

Dean was on his way to the same armchair in front of the fire where he had sat earlier, when a hand on his stopped him and pulled him down to the couch, between Aidan and Richard. 

"You sit here," Aidan said and squeezed Dean's hand just a little before letting go. Richard shifted slightly to make Dean some more space, and smiled contently down at him.   
"You're warm," Richard said. "And it's freezing." 

With that, Dean settled to the fact he had to watch a three hour movie, squeezed rather tight between the very two men who made him feel most uncomfortable. In a good and a little scary way. 

"You look just like Fili," Aidan whispered into his ear, and Dean couldn't help but shiver, earning a wide grin from the brunette.   
"You aren't too far from Kili either," he whispered back. Aidan nodded and glanced over Dean's head at Richard, returning his eyes to Dean in a second. 

"Shh now," he whispered playfully. "Uncle's looking at us."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And sorry I didn't update yesterday like I was supposed to, but we had a huge thunder storm here and the internet among with everything else died, just got it back, thank Gandalf!'


	4. The sin that keeps the door locked

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, in this chapter, which is more of a filler, you'll get to know what Dean meant by Adam always picking the hard cases and fixing their lives, and why he wanted to keep his reasons for moving to London "clean" from Aidan. It's really sad, actually, but had to be done for the future and to do some explaining. :)

Raining. It was raining outside, the rattle like long claws tapping on the windowsill. The room was dark, the only light coming from a tv that showed late night news, the man on the screen soundlessly moving his mouth. Words that had no meaning ran across the small square of light, ignored and blindingly white in the darkness. 

He sat on the floor, leaning against the crumbling wall full of texts and ugly drawings. He was breathing heavily, his eyes glassy from the burning pain, but he kept the screams inside. He was used to this. It will be better, he told himself, knowing it never would, but that if he'd let that thought go he'd die, alone in the dark. It will get better. 

He looked at the used needle next to him on the floor, looked at the dark holes he had carved into his arm to find a vein from under the ones that had turned to stone. He hadn't succeeded. He never did, and that was why he was in pain. That was why he was dying. 

"I need..." He gasped, shifting and whimpering, his head feeling like it was being crushed, his stomach churning and the vomit already in his throat. He was alone, and no one heard him. No one ever heard him, not during the first times when he had screamed in agony, not when he had gathered the strength to go to the door and beat it, the door locked from him. He was always alone. 

"I.. Die.." His breathing was ragged as he slid down to the floor, the wood cold under his burning cheek. 

And then he heard it. Steps. From outside the door. Someone stopping. Someone knocking. Someone calling out his name with a hushed voice. 

It was then that he gave in to the pain, his head snapping back as he screamed, screamed as the knocking turned into beating, the hushed voice into shouting. 

There was no key. 

••••

"Dean..." 

Dean muttered something sleepily, groaned and slapped the wet thing on his face away. Immediately it was put back. 

"Dean!" The voice was stronger now, and with a start Dean opened his eyes. For a while everything was blurry, and then he saw Adam, sitting next to him. It took Dean a while to understand he was in Adam's living room, it was very dark outside and that everyone had left. Or not everyone. As Dean tilted his head back a little, he saw Aidan's concerned face above him, and understood he had slept with his head in Aidan's lap. Christ. 

Dean tried to sit up, but Aidan shot out a hand and grabbed his shoulder, iron strong, and Dean saw his knuckles were white. Aidan forced him back down and Adam took the wet towel that had dropped from Dean's forehead. 

"Dean, you have a fever." Adam said gently and smiled. Dean shivered, as if just noticing how cold it was, and Aidan threw a blanket over him. 

"You gave us a scare." He said, smiling but a little pale. "We were watching that movie, and then suddenly you are hot like a flame between me and Richard, beg your pardon for my choice of words, and then you go all limp like a dead corpse." 

"Corpses are always dead." Dean mumbled. Aidan laughed at that. "Like a dead fish then, if you will." He still had his hand on Dean's shoulder, not squeezing anymore but just kind of resting there, as if to make sure Dean really was breathing and not a dead fish. 

"Richard went all nuts," Aidan grinned. "But we assured him and the others as well that we'll watch over you. They have work tomorrow so we forced them home. They were all pretty worried about ya." 

"Great." Dean sighed. How embarrassing. He had made a fool out of himself, first with his bandaged hand, then with the stupid mention of Afganistan, then by stepping on the cake, then by being carried upstairs by Aidan and wearing those bunny socks, and finally by fucking FAINTING in front of everyone and moaning and mumbling as he had his nightmare. Well fuck. 

"Pray tell me, how did you get a fever so suddenly?" Aidan moved his hand just a little to wipe a strand of Dean's hair off his face, before moving it back where it had been. 

"Too much thinking." Dean admitted, too tired to even try to come up with a lie. Adam looked at him sympathetically, Aidan with eyes the size of plates.   
"Pardon me, I must have heard you wrong. You get a fever from thinking too much?" He asked, unbelieving. 

"Yes." Dean tried to shrug but found it was hard in the position he was in. "I don't know why-"   
"That has to be the cutest thing ever!" Aidan announced and guffawed. "Geez, Deano. But, seriously, are you feeling any better?" 

"Yes. What time is it?" Dean asked, sitting up-this time Aidan let him, but kept his eyes on Dean.   
Dean wondered if he had really looked that dead if it caused this much looking after.   
"It'd be three a.m. Sharp." Adam announced happily. 

"Fucking christ, Adam!" Dean cried out accusingly. "Go to sleep, both of you, I'll sleep here if I have to but I can handle myself, I'm a grown up-"   
"Now now, Deano." Aidan said with a smile. "Calm down. We stayed with you because you were having a nightmare." 

The dream came instantly back, and Dean shuddered. It was the same nightmare he always had. He glanced down at his arm and the scars that were barely in sight anymore. Adam followed his gaze, and looked back up knowingly, pity in his eyes. 

"I'm sorry. It was a stupid dream that's all." Dean muttered. Aidan seemed to notice that he really didn't want to go deeper into the dream, and nodded, standing up and cracking his back with a groan. 

"Well, I'll head home then." He announced.   
"You can stay, Aid, if-" Adam tried, but Aidan waved him off with a smile. "You know I stayed to make sure Dean was alright. And I live, seriously, two blocks down the road. And you know I can't sleep in a strange bed, not too well at least." He trotted to the hall and took his flanel jacket, pulling it on.   
"See you later, Adam, Dean!" He said and waved, opening the door and closing it gently behind him. 

Adam turned to Dean with a frown.   
"It was the past again, wasn't it?" He asked. Dean nodded reluctantly, inhaling deeply and blinking. 

"Why?" Adam asked, his tone laced with worry in a way it hadn't been for a long time. "Are you.. Have you.."   
"No!" Dean said, shocked still. "No! I'm not using-I couldn't even think of it!" 

Adam looked a little startled.   
"Yes, I'm sorry. But you see, when I met you, it wasn't.. I wasn't sure you'd make it. I remember how you looked like. So skinny, your hair all tangled and long and dirty. Your cheeks were hollow and your eyes glassy. And look at you now! You are not that... that sad little creature that broke my heart back there."   
"Adam, I'm not.. I've always had that dream." Dean mumbled. "But this time it was different." 

Adam straightened, looking at Dean with curiosity.   
"How?" He asked.   
"Well, normally I'm.. Alone. And dying. But this time, someone came behind the door. Someone knocked. Called my name." Dean explained. He remembered the shouts, but not the voice. Still, he had an eerie feeling that the voice had been very familiar.  
"Maybe that someone will one day open that door." Adam reasoned, his voice hopeful. "Open it and let the light and the air in, and lead you out. To the world." 

Dean shook his head.   
"And who would do that?" He asked. To that Adam smiled, a small and mysterious smile.   
"The one who loves you the most. The one who is willing and capable of protecting you even from yourself. The one you love." 

"But I don't know who that is!" Dean said, frustrated. Adam nodded.   
"Not yet. But when you do, the door will open."   
"How? Even I can't open the door, and it's MY door." Dean looked at Adam miserably, helplessly. "In the dream, it's horrible. I want out. I know I could but I just can't bring myself to believe in it enough. I need something, but it's not the drug. I need something else, something that's killing me. And I want out!" He felt no shame as tears started flowing down his cheeks-Adam had seen him in far worse state. 

Adam gently wrapped his arms around Dean and rocked him quietly, urging him to speak.   
"It's just a door, but it keeps me away from everything. It's just me and all my sins trapped in that black box, and all I can think of is that I want out! What if there is no one who will love me enough to open that stupid door? Why do I even have this nightmare? I'm over it!" 

"You're not." Adam said simply. "That's why. It still haunts you, it was a part of your life for so long. And of course someone will love you enough for that. You'll find your other half and open that door, and then you'll close it and throw the key away. And never see it again." Adam smiled and gave Dean a kiss to the top of his head. 

"There is no key." Dean said quietly, and felt, to his surprise, Adam laugh. 

"The one who loves you has it." He said, squeezing Dean's shoulder. "The key to your life."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well :0 I seriously hadn't planned this quite like this. But here it went, and it fits so let it be :D It will turn brighter, but I can tell even I have no idea yet who it is who's trying to break in from the door and save our poor Dean.. But someone will. :)


	5. Surprisin weather changes and other things on Dean's porch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I have said Aidan doesn't wait around, haven't I? If not, then I said it now so don't say I didn't! Especially when our Aid darling wants something, he doesn't take a number and sit in line, he elbows his way to the front. And he stays there. XD

Dean dozed off and woke up every hour for the rest of the night, resulting to a very sticky morning where everything felt like trying to walk in lava that was already half way cooled and turned to stone. It was damn cold, and Dean felt very reluctant of going to bathroom, deciding to sleep a little more. 

That was, until the front door opened and closed, and someone who was whistling Led Zeppelin in tune but very loudly, came in. Dean groaned and opened his eyes, and the first thing he saw was Aidan, fighting with his extremely long scarf that seemed to have stuck in the doorhandle. 

Aidan cursed, the curse laced so heavily with his Irish accent that Dean saw no sense in it, and gave up, simply wriggling himself free of the fabric and leaving it hanging from the handle. He was wearing the same jeans, but a soft college shirt made of thin fabric. It looked stunning on him.

Aidan turned and saw Dean looking at him, a smile spreading on his face.  
"Well I be damned, you're alive!" He said, and the next thing Dean knew was that he had been yanked up, and his face was pressed against Aidan's warm, solid chest, Aidan's arms wrapped around him. Dean felt himself blush-he heard Aidan's heartbeat, steady and calming... And the college really was incredibly soft despite the rock hard muscles under it. 

Dean hugged back and pulled away after a moment, smiling widely at the brunette.  
"What brings you here at this hour?" He asked, searching for a clock and failing to find one. 

Aidan grinned, taking Dean's hand and pulling him to the kitchen, sitting him on a chair.  
"It's two p.m, Deano. Adam's at work, his shift started at one. He called for me to come check on you." Aidan moved around the room, finding coffee and putting the water to boil, opening the fridge for milk and eggs.  
"And naturally I came, would've anyway. I was quite..." Aidan fell silent, his brown eyes flashing towards Dean's curious face and back to the breakfast. He let out a short laugh.  
"Anyway. How do you like your eggs?" 

Dean had the feeling that Aidan had almost said something accidentally, something that would've revealed a side of the brunette he didn't want to reveal, and decided not to clutch into it.  
"Any way you want to make them, Aid." He said with a soft smile. 

Dean wasn't used to people making him breakfast. Adam had, when Dean had been recovering, but it had been nightmarish. Dean had refused hospitals, having seen the dark side of them too many times, and poor Adam had nearly exhausted himself to probably death when he had slowly but steadily pulled Dean out from the darkness. 

This was different. Aidan whistled happily as he cooked the eggs, the melody changing from Led Zeppelin to the Misty Mountains Cold. It sounded really good, and Dean noticed soon his eyes were drooping. He took a sip of the coffee Aidan handed to him and felt the life flow back to him. Coffee addict right here, he thought with a happy sigh. 

"Here ya go, Deano." Aidan said as he placed the plates in front of them and took a seat opposite to Dean.  
"Thanks." Dean bit in and sighed. "Another thing you're good at!" He pointed out, earning a grin. After five days of cereal that tasted like cardboard, Aidan's simple eggs were heavenly. 

"Nice that you like them," Aidan grinned. For a while they ate in a peaceful silence-it didn't feel awkward at all, more cosy, like they had known each other for a long time instead of one day. 

"Hey, Deano." Aidan said suddenly, and Dean looked up from his plate. He almost choked.  
Aidan looked incredibly adorable, his hands clutched together nervously, his eyes sparkly and wide, his cheeks blushing. Gone was the confident grin and witty remarks, replaced by nervous shadow of a smile.  
"Aid, what's wrong?" Dean asked, rather worried. Maybe Aidan was allergic to eggs? "Are you allergic to eggs?" He asked, gasping and terrified. Aidan's eyes widened, and he laughed aloud.  
"What? Is that how I look like?" He pouted happily. "Damn, if I look like I'm dying of egg poisoning, then I should remain silent." He looked at Dean thoughtfully. "But I can't."

Dean, everything going over his head, decided to just look confused. And wait. Whatever Aidan had to say, he could say it.  
And boy, did Aidan take his time. By the time he finally coughed as a mark of speaking, Dean had long finished his eggs and was having a second cup of coffee, feeling already very awake and good. He nodded at Aidan, to show he was listening. 

"Dean... Dean, would you..." Aidan took a deep breath, locking his eyes with Dean's. "Would.... I mean could you... No, I want to ask if you..." He started to look annoyed with himself. "What I mean to ask, is if youwouldliketohavedinnerwithmetoday?" The end came in a row and so fast Dean wasn't certain what was going on. He had heard terribly wrong. 

"Well.." He said, and Aidan's face fell. "I don't know if I have ever heard of a Sandwich god, but I'm sure that if you-" he was interrupted as Aidan banged his head hard against the table.  
"I'm sorry, I don't watch much tv..." Dean tried, miserably, until he realized Aidan was laughing. "What?" 

Aidan raised his head, smiling widely.  
"Sandwich god? I asked if you'd like to have dinner with me." He explained, and Dean blushed.  
"My bad." He sighed. "It just sounded like a tv show you could watch."  
Aidan arched an eyebrow at that, amused to no end. "Really? Well, I'm sure they'll come up with a Sandwich god if you go and show them that cute face of yours." He reached his hand over the table and pressed Dean's nose.  
"But you have to answer." He said then, leaning back. 

"Answer?" Dean asked, and got it the second after he had said it. "I mean yes, yes of course, I'd like to have dinner with you." He thought for a while.  
"As in... I mean, as.. a date?" 

"Yeah." Aidan took their plates and put them to the counter. "A date. Or a dinner between friends." He didn't sound too excited about that option, and Dean grinned.  
"A date sounds good." 

•••••

"That was so delicious!" Dean said as they walked, probably having gained some pounds, out of the Italian restaurant Aidan had shown them to. Dean had never eaten that much, and he felt uncomfortable, in a good way. He smirked at Aidan, who was holding his own stomach and looking miserable. 

"It was," he admitted. "But I won't be eating again in a week!"  
"Oh," Dean pouted playfully. "I had wondered if I could treat you to a dinner this Friday but apparently it-"  
"To think again!" Aidan interrupted loudly. "I am already hungry!" He tried to stand completely straight, failed and guffawed, leaning against the nearest wall. 

Dean was about to say something when a huge drop of water splashed on his face. Next one in the middle of his head, and next one on to his shoulder, faster and faster, and in mere seconds they both stood in a pouring rain, soaked to bone very fast. Aidan laughed, covered his face with his palm and grabbed Dean's hand with the other.  
"Now where do you live, Cinderella? Let me escort you home." He said, smiling so wide it revealed almost all his teeth.  
"Just few blocks from this restaurant," Dean laughed. "Don't bother to take a cab, I can't get any more soaked." 

With that, Aidan turned and started to run, pulling Dean along through the empty streets-people had been surprised without umbrellas, and most had escaped into the small coffee shops and restaurants and stores near the street. It was November, and had only been snowing up until now. 

The water splashed high under Dean's feet, and all his clothes were glued to him like a second skin. The snow on the street quickly turned into half ice, half water, slipping under them as they ran.  
"I would've liked a white Christmas!" Dean yelled over the terrible noise the water made as it hit the windows, parked cars and roofs-he had probably never witnessed a rain like that. It nearly hurt as it hit them, and Aidan seemed to think in a similar way, hurrying his steps.  
"Aye, me too, every once in a while!" He answered with a grin. 

"There!" Dean pointed out the apartment to their left, and Aidan turned, pulling them to the terrace and under the roof, to safety. For a while they just stared at the view, how the snow turned into grey slush.  
"I can't believe we were running THERE." Dean shivered, digging up his keys and opening the door. "Wanna come in? To dry up and wait until it's... Dry?" He asked, making a gesture with his hand over the streets. 

But Aidan shook his head, apologetically.  
"Sorry, can't. I really have to find a new job, the apartment I live in isn't the cheapest on the market and I refuse to move away. I have an interview soon." He looked down at himself and laughed. "I hope they understand." 

"They will." Dean assured him. "But I can lend you dry clothes, if you want, and you can take a cab."  
Aidan looked at him, his gaze so intense Dean felt like all the world disappeared from around them, leaving only him and Aidan into the eternity. 

"I think your clothes would be too small." Aidan said slowly. He turned to leave, but there must've been something written all over Dean's face, because he spun back, and before Dean was able to even raise an eyebrow Aidan kissed him. 

It was a very soft, and quite a quick kiss, but even better for Dean. They were both soaking, and he could taste the cold water and the warmth of Aidan's lips at the same time, and it was an amazing feeling. Then Aidan smiled against his mouth and pulled off. 

"Bye, Deano! See ya soon!" He waved his hand and returned to the rain, and Dean could've sworn he heard him laugh. 

Aidan definetly did NOT care of the normal stiffness of first meetings, if there ever was any. 

Dean entered his house and removed his jacket with some difficulties-a soaked, thin jacket was like a second skin. He threw it and his clothes into the bathroom, drying himself into the towel and wrapping it around his hips. Then he trotted, quite absent mindedly to the livingroom, where his answering machine was kind to tell him he had seven new messages. He pressed the button to listen to them, but didn't hear much, the feeling of Aidan pressed against him still too fresh in his mind. 

They had met yesterday, Dean thought as the last message ended, and he had no clue from who it had been from. They had known for a day, and already went to a date and even kissed. Was that very normal? But the feeling Dean had whenever he saw Aidan, it was weird too. His stomach would flip and he would feel incredibly light, and it all would be comfortable and nice, but then not... not what he had felt before. When he had dated before, in new Zealand, he had never felt anything but.. well, attraction. To someone that was good-looking, hot. And after one night or few days that feeling was gone, the guys revealed to be assholes or then some other kinds of idiots. 

"But I haven't had that much encounters with Aidan!" Dean complained aloud. True, when he first saw the brunette, he had thought him hot. Still did. And true, when he had woken up from the nightmare and seen Aidan, he had felt.. safe. And this morning, he had felt happy to see Aidan come in from Adam's front door. So what was this? Would Aidan turn out to be an asshole too? One of those who wanted to spend a night together and then they would disappear? Dean pressed his face against a pillow and screamed, frustrated. He shouldn't think like that. Aidan was nothing like those morons from before. 

Dean was interrupted as his phone rang, and reluctantly he picked it up.  
"Dean." He said.  
"DEAN!!" It was Adam, and Dean had to move the phone further from his ear. "Why haven't you answered?! You IDIOT I was so worried!! You had a fever and then I send Aidan to check on you and then neither answers-I thought you are in a hospital! I called Orlando too, asked if he's seen you and he was worried too! Now what is there inside your pretty little head, you moron?!"  
"Adam!" Dean said quickly as the other took a pause to breathe. "I'm fine! Aidan did come check on me. We went for a dinner."  
"Went for a DINNER?!" Adam didn't sound happier. "While you're SICK?!"  
"I'm not! I'm better! I don't have a fever anymore, it was-"  
"It might come back, you had it and if it goes down for a second-" suddenly Adam went silent, and Dean sighed, relieved. 

"A dinner?" Adam asked. "With Aidan?"  
"Yes." Dean frowned.  
"As a.. date? With Aidan?"  
".... Well, yes." Dean admitted.  
"You had a DATE with Aidan? After knowing each other barely for one day?" Adam sounded like Dean's mother, and Dean growled.  
"Look, that is none of your business, it was nice and fun and I liked it! And he's a good kisser." Dean smirked.

"Kiss-You kissed?!" Adam sounded hysterical. "For crying out loud, Dean! A kiss? First date? What happened to the fourth date rule?"  
"I think it never existed." Dean mumbled.  
"For you it seemingly doesn't!"  
"Aidan kissed me! Geez, Adam, why are you so freaked out? I like him!" Dean huffed. There. He had said it. 

"Like him? Like.. Really?" Adam asked.  
"Yes, or I guess I wouldn't have gone to a date with him. I will go again, and you can't tell me not to. I trust him. He's your friend." Dean said stubbornly. 

"But Dean, being someone's friend doesn't make them angels. Everyone has some friends." Adam said. "Anyway, be careful. You've seen him now, you know he doesn't wait or hold back. I love Aidan and I love you, and I don't want either of you to be hurt. So please, be careful." He paused for a moment, and when he spoke again Dean heard a grin from his voice.  
"And enjoy one of the hottest guys on Mother Earth."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Had my grandfather's funeral yesterday... So writing was left a little.. It's terrible to see people cry whom you absolutely never want to see crying.  
> But now it's over, and I'm recovering by writing Dean's Love Story for you all who read it! ^^


	6. Cleaning up, expensive shops and babysitting for tomorrow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Woooooaaaaaa Richard. Hey. Yeah. Read please xD

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, SORRY darlings I'm so sorry that this comes so late but I've had a writer's block that was so frustrating that I had to scream into a pillow. Sorry:0 next, I'm not sure if I love this chapter, because of the block, but consider it just a filler and wait for better to come!

The rest of the day Dean used to make his home more attractive, mostly to himself but not forgetting the fact Aidan might one day come by too. He emptied the rest of the cardboard boxes and carried them out into the trash bins, not quite caring about recycling at the moment. He built up the book shelf he had bought, but had to leave some books to the table as the shelf wasn't big enough for all of them. He wiped the dust from the windowsills and dug his ancient vacuum cleaner from the closet. Then he washed his laundry and threw the clean clothes into his room, closing the door. 

Still, he wasn't happy. He most definetly needed that bed. And that paint. With a sigh Dean sat down to the couch and looked around, trying to imagine the room yellow. It could fit, but it had to be exactly the perfect yellow, or it would just look horrible. 

Dean stared dully at the opposite wall. He had nothing to do, and it was only seven o'clock. He had slept so long that the day had passed by fast, and even the dinner with Aidan was a foggy but pleasant second. 

"I'm boooored!!" He wailed and let himself flow down to the floor freely. He hadn't even bought a tv yet. Damn. Maybe he could buy one now. Nothing was closed yet, right? Dean sat up and checked the clock. Five past seven. Maybe he shouldn't spend on tv now. The thick winter jacket sounded better. It was still raining outside, the snow all turned to ugly, grey slush, but it was definetly cold. Very cold, and Dean went to his room to find the most warm sweater he owned-his jacket was still soaked. 

After checking he had everything necessary with him, Dean went out and started to walk towards the bigger areas full of small shops and stores. He should probably find a mall or something, but then again, who cared from where he bought his jacket? As long as it was warm, though Dean decided to avoid the meatball style Adam supported. 

His cell rang again, and Dean raised his eyebrows-he was becoming rather popular. It was an unknown number, and a little warily Dean pressed the answer-button. 

"O'Gorman."   
"No need to be so formal, Deano," Aidan's voice said, and a wide grin spread on Dean's face-the passing old lady looked at him with wide eyes and hurried her steps.   
"Aid! Didn't have your number. What is it?" Dean asked, happy that he didn't have to be the one to ask for Aidan's number, from Aid or anyone else.   
"Got yer number from Adam-I got the job!" Aidan laughed.   
"Wow, congrats-what job?" Dean didn't recall Aidan ever telling him about it.   
"Well, I'm not proud of it, but it's another bookstore. Called Bag End. The owner, Martin Freeman, is really nice and relaxed guy. I told him of my habit and he just seemed to take it as a pro." Aidan laughed again, having a small break to probably smoke a little. "Anyway, the salary isn't the best in the world but the environment is amazing! You should come see it sometime."   
"I most definetly will-I buy books nearly weekly. I can make it my new base." Dean grinned. "Where are you now?"   
"On my way home. Why, are you okay?" Aidan asked, and couldn't quite hide the worry-last night was still in memory, Dean noticed.   
"Yeah, I'm good, just asked. I'm searching for a place to buy a proper jacket from-leather jacket fits the winter in New Zealand but not here." 

Aidan agreed to that with a guffaw.   
"Well, if all is good then I'll head home-Martin gave me a warm scarf but my clothes are still wet. But hey, do you have work tomorrow?"   
"No, next client is some old couple with their grandchildren-" Dean rolled his eyes and knew Aidan did the same-"and they aren't booked until wednesday. Why?"   
"Well I thought you could come see me at work tomorrow." Aidan said happily. "Martin's nephew is there, this small cute guy called Elijah, and he needs looking after."   
"What?" Dean frowned.   
"I kinda said I know a guy who could do it cuz Martin needs to go take care of some business and I have to serve the customers-he warned that Elijah can disappear suddenly so I need help pleeeeaseeeee!" Aidan said with a voice that told clearly he was trying not to laugh. 

Dean wasn't very fond of babysitting, but he would see Aidan again, and maybe buy some books. More pros than cons, besides, Elijah could be nice.   
"Fine. When should I be there?" He asked.   
"Oh geez, you're the best, Deano, seriously, I fucking love you-" immediately after saying it Aidan fell into awkward silence, and Dean blushed.   
"Well," Aidan coughed. "At eight a.m."   
"See you there then." Dean smiled, and Aidan agreed, ending the call. 

Now that was awkward. 

Dean looked around for the first time since Aidan had called. He had walked into the area full of expensive shops and rich old ladies going around with their pathetic sized dogs. Dean wasn't sure if he wanted a jacket from a shop that made one pay almost three times the normal cost, but it was already so freezing in his sweater that he just randomly opened one of the big doors and hurried inside. 

It was a mistake, and a huge one indeed. Dean had never been in a shop like that-stylish men in suits worked as some sort of butlers, taking one customer at a time and helping them pick clothes as long as it took for the customer to be happy. The air was filled with polite laughing and silent words of compliments, and Dean hated it. Mainly because he, with his snowy sweater, curly and unruly hair and old jeans didn't fit in the middle of these business men in expensive suits. 

A butler noticed him, and after looking him over with a clear look of distaste, came to Dean.   
"Good evening, sir," he said, and Dean smiled inwardly, deciding to make a little fun at the stupid place's cost.   
"Evening," he said with his best arrogant voice. "I was robbed just a moment ago, but it is not worth my time to chase after-they thought I had my money in my jacket pockets, but I had everything necessary here." He patted his jean pockets happily.  
The butler looked terrified.   
"How horrible, sir! Good that you didn't have anything important in that jacket! So they took nothing more than that?"  
"Nothing more." Dean said. "And I need a new one."   
"Most certainly. What kind of a jacket do you have in mind?"   
"Anything is fine, it is rather cold out there." Dean smiled, and with a bow the butler disappeared to find jackets for Dean to try on. Dean stood awkwardly in the middle of the shop, eyeing his surroundings and deciding never to come back. 

"Dean?" A deep, curious voice made Dean spin around, hoping it wasn't who he thought it was-but of course. Richard stood behind him, trying on a jacket in front of a mirror. A jacket that looked so fucking gorgeous on him. His eyebrows were raised, and the butler serving him looked curiously from Richard to Dean. 

"Richard," Dean nodded a little breathlessly. "What are you doing here?"   
"Most likely same as you." Richard said, just as Dean's butler arrived with three different jackets. He heard the exchange and, to Dean's horror, decided to take part as well.   
"You know each other?" He asked, but didn't wait for an answer. "This young man was robbed just now, and he needs a new jacket." He nodded strongly at Richard's butler, who looked terrified.   
Richard's eyes widened and he searched Dean's face.   
"Is that true?" He asked.   
"... Yes." Dean said slowly, and the butler nodded again, turning Dean around and handing him the first jacket. Thank gods it was black.   
"Are you allright?" Richard left his own jacket to a nearby chair and appeared to the mirror behind Dean.   
"Yeah, yeah," Dean said quickly, his blush revealing his lie, and he saw Richard's mouth twist into a smile. 

"Well," Richard said, the amusement clear in his voice. "May I offer you a drive home, to protect you from those criminals?"   
"What? No! I mean.." Dean looked down to his toes. Damn his shoes seemed to hide other universe in them.   
"I mean that.. Why would they come back.." 

Richard made a funny sound, seemingly a laugh hidden behind a cough.   
"Well, when they notice your belongings aren't in the jacket, they might wait for you somewhere. Not safe." He said, looking suddenly dead-serious, even though his eyes sparkled.   
"Yes," Dean nodded, his face burning. "I didn't notice that. I.. I'll take your offer." 

Richard smiled again, and let his blue gaze flow down the jacket Dean was wearing now.   
"That suits you well." He said.   
"Then I'll take it." Dean said hastily, almost tearing the jacket off and tossing it to the butler. The man looked at him disapprovingly, but Dean had already blushed as far as he could, the heat prickling under his skin. 

Richard had most definetly heard his conversation with the butler when he had arrived, even that lousy arrogant tone. And if someone now would've offered Dean the opportunity to fall through the floor to China, he would've taken it. 

He paid and took the plastic bag, thanking the man under his breath. Then he turned on his heels and stumbled against Richard, who took a tight hold of his shoulders and laughed.   
"Where are you hurrying? My car won't go away on its own." 

"No, no, of course not," Dean said breathlessly, pressing his head down and against Richard's chest almost unconsciously. He had probably never been this embarrassed. 

Richard seemed to sense that, not saying anything anymore but just gently guiding Dean out and to a big, shiny black car that Dean knew would never be possible for him to purchase. The seats were leather, and the car smelled new. Classical music quietly hummed on the background, making Dean sleepy the moment he sat down. 

"Where do you-" Richard started, but Dean already told the address.   
"Are you better now?"Richard asked instead, and Dean had to think for a while to understand what he meant.   
"Oh, yes, yes, it was just.. Over thinking.. " Dean mumbled the last word, but Richard heard it and arched an eyebrow.   
"You got a fever from over thinking?" He asked. 

"Yes," Dean said shortly, trying to message that the subject was off-limits at the moment. And to his relief, Richard didn't continue of that. 

For a while they drove in silence, the way back to Dean's house longer than he had thought. It was awkward, but not as much as Dean had feared-Richard didn't seem to mind him being quiet. 

The slush had slowly turned to ice, and Richard drove slowly. He didn't seem to notice Dean's uncomfortable situation, or if did, ignored it.   
"You gave us all quite a fright." He said finally, and Dean nearly jumped, having almost fallen asleep.   
"What?" He muttered and rubbed his eyes. Classical music was a must for him now, it worked even better than the several sleeping pills he needed to sleep without nightmares. 

"I mean last night, when you fainted." Richard explained.   
"Oh, yes. Well, I'm sorry for that." Dean said quickly, and Richard laughed.   
"Don't be. But I won't be the first one to tell you we were worried. You'll have to face all of us."   
"Yeah, Aidan already told me." Dean rolled his eyes with a fond smile. He'd see Aidan again tomorrow. The thought made him happier than he had thought it would. Or could.

"He did?" Richard asked, but Dean got the feeling it wasn't a question he should answer.   
The rest of the way they sat in silence, but as Dean was climbing off the car, Richard grabbed his wrist.   
Dean turned, a questioning look on his face, and Richard smiled. 

"I was thinking, could I offer you a dinner the next weekend?" He asked, and his smile made Dean feel damned weak and light at the same time.   
"S-sure," he stuttered, and Richard nearly grinned.   
"Great! Saturday?"   
Dean couldn't even nod when Richard announced he'd fetch him at eight o'clock, and then he was gone, waving his hand from the window and disappearing behind a turn. 

"I can feel the fever coming back," Dean mumbled to himself as he opened the door, tossed the jacket to the side and trotted straight into his bedroom. 

What the hell was he supposed to do now?


	7. Bag End, Elijah, kisses and confusion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aidan is being sweet, Dean a bit clumsy, Elijah cute and Martin buuusyyy. XD

 

 

For the first time in his life Dean woke up in time without his alarm clock. Even though he hadn't quite slept, rolling and tossing around in embarrassment that didn't leave him. 

With a yawn that nearly dislocated his jaw, Dean stood up and cursed his promise to be in Bag End at eight. It was an ungodly hour for a photographer, who normally had rather loose schedule.

 

Dean walked stiffly to the kitchen and prepared some coffee, staring into nothing as the smell slowly sharpened his senses.  It was still dark outside, the street lamps glowing orange and revealing the deadly ice that replaced the previous day's snow. Dean cursed under his breath. He was so damn clumsy, that Aidan would probably find him dead from some alley, his head split open like an egg. 

 

After the coffee had washed off the last remnants of sleep, Dean went to the bathroom in order to get some sense into his hair. It was longer again, curly and pointing everywhere. His eyes looked unnaturally big with the bruise-like bags under them, and the stubble was horrendous. With a decision to get rid of it Dean searched his closets and drawers for his old shaver, it causing him several small blood spots, but at least the unruly stubble was gone. 

 

"Buy a new one," he reminded himself, brushed his teeth and his hair-to his torment it didn't do much, the hair was still fluffy and ruffled. 

 

It turned out that only tossing his clean clothes into his room the previous night had not been the best idea. All of them were now wrinkled to no end, and Dean felt like a beggar. Mr. Freeman would most likely shoot him with a rifle if he was to see Dean with that small Elijah or whatever the boy's name was. Everyone would think he was some candy-guy luring the poor kiddo into his van and then driving to sunset-wait, that was a mixture of two.

Dean shook his head and sighed. For how long had his confidence in himself been this low? Yes he looked like he had jumped out of bed, but he didn't have the stubble anymore, and it helped a great deal. 

 

Lost in thought, Dean nearly jumped when someone knocked at his door. Wondering who it would be at this time, he turned the handle and pulled the door open ever so slightly-revealing Aidan's grinning face. 

 

It was needless to say how giddy Dean felt. 

 

"Awh Deano, look at you, all cute at this unholy hour," Aidan said happily, pushing the door more open and taking a good look, which Dean returned. Aidan's hair was tied onto a small bun at the back of his head, few curls escaping to his face. His big, brown eyes were narrowed with happiness, and his grin revealed, if possible, all his perfectly white teeth. He was wearing his flanel jacket, and a pair of stone-washed jeans. 

 

"You don't look so bad either," Dean smiled, and Aidan guffawed, a strange look in his eyes.

 

"Can I kiss you?" He asked suddenly. 

 

"What?" Dean wasn't sure if he had heard right. Well, maybe he did, but.. 

"What makes you think you have to ask?" He grinned. "It's not like you asked yesterday."

 

Aidan looked like he might say something to that, but decided against it, instead leaning down to Dean's level and cupping his face, gently, before closing the gap between them. 

 

This time the kiss was lingering, softer and sweeter. Aidan was warm, and to Dean's surprise worked better than the unhealthy amount of coffee he had poured in to stay awake. Without a second thought, Dean raised his hands and wrapped them around Aidan's neck, if for nothing else then for balance. A small moan escaped him, and his eyes blinked open, as Aidan pulled off, smiling like the luckiest and happiest man on Earth. 

 

"Woah, Deano, don't start with the cute noises or I'll have to stick my head into the snow to clear up." He winked. "To get to work in time." 

 

"Well, it isn't my intention to have you dip yourself in the snow. Which isn't here anymore, in case you didn't know." Dean said gravely, before picking his new jacket from the hanger and joining Aidan on the porch. 

 

"Nice jacket," Aidan said, "it's definetly better than the leather one you had earlier." He ducked with a laugh when Dean's hand slapped towards him. 

 

"Why are you here?" Dean asked, ignoring the comments of his jacket. It was damn warm, so what if it looked like it had cost him his car and maybe eternal slavery. 

 

"Came to pick ya up." Aidan shrugged, pointing towards his silvery Audi, parked next to Dean's house. "I had the feeling I wouldn't see you alive if I let you walk here." 

 

"I had the feeling as well. But you know you can't drive me everywhere for the whole winter every winter." Dean smiled. To his surprise, Aidan didn't even grin, just looked down at him with a serious expression. 

 

"But that's what I'm going to do." He turned back to the car. "I won't have you dead or hurt." 

 

"Why?" Dean asked, rather stupidly. Aidan looked at him again, eyebrows arched. 

 

"Why?" He repeated. "That's why." Then he laughed and placed a quick kiss on Dean's lips. "Don't think about it."

 

Don't think about it? Dean didn't know how that was possible-Aidan seemed to seriously think he would start off as Dean's new, personal chauffeur today. But then again, Dean didn't mind, not too much at least. 

 

And then again, Aidan as his chauffeur would most likely cost both of their early deaths. At least it seemed so, Aidan driving like Darth Vader would've chased him with an X-Wing -Dean coughed at the image- sliding to the corners, the back of the car nearly touching the walls of the buildings. 

 

"Well," Dean said after an especially tricky corner, "you aren't late often, I assume?" 

 

Aidan shot him a look and laughed. 

"I have never crashed or caused anyone to crash. Trust me." 

"No, I wasn't aiming for that.." Dean mumbled, squeezing the seat and swearing that if he would not die during this drive, he wouldn't die ever. E-v-e-r. 

 

Surprisingly or not they survived to the Bag End, in one piece if Dean a little shaken. He wobbled to the weird, round and green door after Aidan, and inside as the other unlocked the place. 

 

"Feel free to look around," Aidan said as they put their jackets to the hangers in the office, "Martin will only bring Elijah at nine, or so he said. I'll have to sort the new books that came yesterday... Jesus, like I know where everything belongs, it's my first day.." The end was muttered silently to himself, and Dean bit back a smirk. 

 

The book store was lovely. The windows, like the door, were round and low, and every wall and shelf was filled with books, covered in mysterious leather. Dean ran his finger along a row of books, the feeling so familiar to him that he wished he could just sit alone in a corner with coffee and all these books around him, ready to be read. 

The air smelled of dust and... well, literature, and Dean definetly liked it. 

 

He turned to see Aidan looking at him with a crooked smile. 

 

"What?" Dean pulled his hand off of one of the books and let it drop to his side. 

 

"Nothing," Aidan said, smiling, "I just can see that you too love books." 

 

"Yeah," Dean nodded. "But it's not just that. It's also the way mr. Freeman has decorated... It's unique, it kind of makes me want to buy every single book in here." 

 

"Good, that was what I aimed for," a friendly voice said from the door, and both Dean and Aidan turned to see a short man with almost grey hair, a kind smile on his face. Next to him stood a small boy, a very beautiful one, with raven black curls and huge, huge baby blue eyes. He was half hiding behind the man's leg, looking at Dean with curiosity. 

 

"You must be Dean O'Gorman," the man came closer, offering his hand. "I'm Martin Freeman." They shook hands and Dean nodded. 

 

"This little guy is Elijah. Say hi to Dean." Martin looked down at the boy, who flashed a shy but brilliant smile at Dean. 

 

"Hi," he said quietly, blushed and disappeared behind Martin with a smile. Absolutely adorable, Dean hummed to himself. 

 

"I am incredibly grateful that you could make it here today.." Martin said as he made his way to the table, searching through the boxes for some papers. "I know it must be weird, Aidan has just started and you and I have never even met-" he grinned, "but I'm glad you came." 

 

"Of course," Dean said. "I didn't have work today so it's fine." 

 

Martin only nodded, trying to get Elijah to let go of his pant leg. 

"Now now, Elijah, I must go, Dean will play with you. I'm in a hurry!" 

 

Elijah let go, and Martin gave him a hug before rushing back outside, looking at his wrist watch with wide eyes. 

 

Dean turned his gaze to the small kid. His look was returned, a pair of blue eyes watching him curiously. 

 

"Can you read for me?" Elijah asked. He was wearing jeans and a too big sweater.

 

"Yes, what would you like?" Dean asked, and to his surprise Elijah trotted to him and took his hand. 

 

"Here," the boy said, tugging a little. "In that shelf. Lord of the Rings." 

 

"Really?" Dean asked, taking the book down. "You know, this is one of my favorites." 

 

"And mine!" Elijah giggled, and as Dean sat into an armchair, climbed with great effort into Dean's lap, huffing and puffing. Then he wiped few curls off his face and nearly trembled of excitement. 

 

"Have you read this before, or should I start from the beginning?" Dean asked, arching an eyebrow and fighting the urge to slap Aidan, who stood a bit further, grinning like a mad man. 

 

"Start!" Elijah demanded, clutching into the fabric of Dean's shirt. With a nod Dean started, creating different voices for different characters, remembering that it had been best when he had been a kid and his dad had read to him like that. 

 

Soon he was so deep in the book that he didn't notice the customers who smiled at them, didn't hear Aidan jesting with few of them, didn't see Aidan sitting near them on his lunch break to listen as well. He didn't even notice that Elijah was getting tired, swaying in his lap, his eyes drooping, not until the small boy fell against his chest, still gripping the front of his shirt. 

 

"Oh, sorry," Dean said, placing the book down and blinking-he had completely missed daylight, it seemed. "You should've said something." 

 

"Hmmmn," Elijah hummed contently. "But you read so well. You are like my daddy." 

 

"Does he read with voices too?" Dean asked with a small smile, which however died quickly as Elijah shook his head and said, with a small voice: 

 

"Not anymore. Mommy and daddy are in heaven, that's what uncle says." 

 

Eyes wide with horror Dean looked up to find Aidan, who stood nearby with a similar expression glued on his face. Great. He felt a tug on his shirt and looked down at the small boy. His eyes were shiny and his cheeks red, but he smiled bravely. 

 

"Can you be my daddy?" He asked, and Dean felt like dying on the spot. No. No no no no. 

"I would like to have my own daddy..." Elijah continued, unknowingly crushing Dean's poor heart with every word. "Everyone else has. I don't have anyone to read for me, and I have to read alone, but I'm not very good yet, so it's slow and I don't always understand all the words." He looked up with hopeful eyes. 

 

Dean looked at Aidan again, for help, for fucking anything, because how do you tell a kid that he will always be an orphan? But Aidan seemed to be fighting with his own crushed heart. 

 

"Look, Elijah.." Dean started. "No one can ever replace your real father. My father is dead too-" Dean saw from the corner of his eye how Aidan flinched,"and I will never have another one. You will have to remember your real dad." He smiled warmly. "Besides, you have your uncle, and now you have me and Aidan as well. And you can always come here or to my home and I will read you all the books you like." 

 

"Really?" Elijah's eyes sparkled just as the door opened again and Martin came in, tired and cold. Elijah screamed happily and jumped off of Dean, rushing to Martin. 

"Unca!! Dean says he will read for me! He says he can't be my daddy but he can be my..." He stopped to find a good word. "He can be my spare-daddy! Like a spare-key, when you lose the original!" 

 

Martin looked dumbfounded, to put it nicely, and Dean just shrugged when their eyes met. 

 

"Well, that's nice," Martin mumbled, ruffling Elijah's hair. "And what have I said about 'unca'? You know how to say uncle." He smiled fondly as Elijah laughed. 

 

"Thank you very much for this," Martin pointed his words to Dean,"I hope he wasn't a bother." 

 

"Not at all, actually I think I wasn't very good, I just read for him and then I got stuck in the story and kind of forgot everyone else." Dean scratched the back of his neck, but Martin only grinned. 

"Well, that's what good books do. And I'm sure Elijah didn't mind." He turned to Aidan, who was putting on his jacket again. 

"Did anything out of the ordinary happen today?" 

 

"Nah," Aidan shrugged. "The copies of the new book came today, I sorted them into the office, put few into the shelves... Lot of customers though, Christmas presents I guess." 

 

"Definetly." Martin nodded. "It'll get a lot worse though in few weeks. Well, I guess you can go then, I'll stay for the rest of the day." He took Dean's jacket and handed it to him. 

"Thank you again." 

 

"It's nothing. I'll be glad to look after Elijah again." Dean smiled. 

"I'll call you then," Martin said gratefully. 

Elijah peered at Dean seriously, narrowing his eyes and sighing. 

"When?" He asked miserably, and Dean laughed. 

 

"Well, tomorrow I have work, but Friday I'm free." He grinned when the small kid's face lit up. 

"Unca, can I spend time with Dean on Friday?" 

 

"It is not unca!" Martin wailed playfully. "But yes, yes you can, on one condition." 

 

"Uncle?" Elijah tried, and Martin nodded gravely. They both waved after Dean and Aidan, and Dean had a goofy grin plastered on his face all the way to the car, where Aidan leaned in to give him a chaste kiss and the grin widened. 

 

"You look odd," Aidan commented, receiving a slap. "Hey! I am just stating the truth, you look like a puppy dog." 

 

"Puppy dog? Really Aidan, really?" Dean smirked. "It's you who's like an overgrown puppy here, not me." 

 

"Fine," Aidan said nonchalantly. "Kitten." 

 

"WHAT?" Dean yelled, but Aidan had already sat into his car and closed the door. So Dean opened his, sat down-not so gracefully, his foot slipped and he kind of fell in-and closed the door before repeating, "WHAT?!"

 

Aidan looked at him from under his lashes, smirking and looking a lot like a predator observing its prey. He leaned closer, the intense look in his nearly black eyes burning into Dean's skull. 

 

"Purr for me, honey," he whispered in a deep voice, and Dean blushed in a matter of seconds, deeper than he ever had.

 

"I... Uh.. What?" He stammered, and Aidan's laugh was exploding. He started the engine and drove off from the parking spot. 

"You should see your face, Deano, sometimes it's so adorable it ought to be illegal." 

 

"You ought to be illegal..." Dean mumbled, embarrassed once more. Aidan ignored the comment. 

 

The drive was more peaceful now, black ice and darkness affecting even Aidan to drive slower. The Doors played quietly on the background, Aidan humming as well. The situation reminded Dean of his little adventure with Richard the previous night-had it really been yesterday?-and made him feel uncomfortable. He didn't know if he was dating Aidan-probably not, knowing each other for what, three days, wasn't enough, and certainly few kisses meant nothing. But still, he felt incredibly guilty of going to a dinner with Richard-was that a date, then? He had not seen Richard as much as Aidan, but even thinking about that low voice and blue eyes/black hair combination made him feel weak in the knees. He was glad he was sitting. 

But if he wasn't dating Aidan, then why the kisses? Surely they would start dating at some point then? Right? Or would Richard ask him to be with him? Should Dean reject one of them now? But what if Richard only wanted to dine with him as friends, wouldn't it be incredibly rude to say no? Was he flattering himself here? 

 

With a jolt Dean understood they had stopped, the engine purring gently and Aidan looking at him, worriedly. 

"Dean? What's wrong?" He asked. The Doors had quit playing, the car was dark, and Dean saw his house in front of them. 

 

"Nothing," he offered a weak smile. "I was just thinking.." 

Aidan frowned, clearly not buying it, but decided not to ask. Instead he ruffled Dean's hair and smiled. 

"Don't overthink or you'll get a fever again." He said, and Dean promised not to. 

 

When he was getting out of the car, Aidan spoke again. 

"Deano, do you have anything for Saturday?" 

 

Dean tensed, going very pale. Oh man, here I go, he thought. 

"Well, I have a client.." He blushed at his stupid lie," for the evening." 

"But nothing for the day?" Aidan grinned. 

"Nope." 

"Then I'm taking you on a date, darling," Aidan winked, pulled Dean's door closed and drove away, waving from the window, much like Richard had. 

 

For crying out loud.

 

Dean stumbled into his apartment, not bothering to put the lights on. He was going to have a major headache, very soon, and best was to just go to sleep and will it off. So Dean stripped in the dark, diving into his blankets in his boxers only. 

 

What was he doing? He cursed himself, deciding that if Richard wanted to be more than friends, Dean would gently reject him. But deciding was easier than doing it. So much easier. But he couldn't lie to them. He had to come up with something... The key... 

 

•••••••••

 

The room was stripped of everything, cold and windowless, the tv again blasting the news without sound. 

 

Dean breathed heavily, laying on the floor on his back, staring at the filthy ceiling. 

 

Not again. 

 

The pain began to creep into his veins, starting at his fingers and toes, going higher and higher. This time he knew, that when it would reach his heart, he would die. 

 

"No, no, please no, I don't... I can't.." He felt the hot tears trailing down his cheeks into his hair. "No, I want to live. Please, I have... I.." He gasped at the sharp pain that shot towards his heart. It was too close. 

 

"No, I-" he was interrupted, as someone banged at the ever-locked door. Banged and shouted. 

 

"Aidan?" Dean whispered, the pain retrieving ever so slightly. 

 

"Dean!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM SO SORRY. Now, this is a pathetic excuse, but my school starts next week... I've been doing so much now, the last days at work going on, part of my family abroad, me here, alone, arghh. But now they come back tomorrow, and when school starts I can update much more often-the school days aren't as long as my work-days. Sorry, you all have my humble apologies. Love you! <3


	8. Comfort

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Basically, Dean is nearly giving up. Aidan saves the day, and maybe even more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this is a bit shorter chapter-the next one will be longer again. But this was needed to strengthen their relationship. :) A bit angsty but lighter in the end ^^

Dean woke up with a horrible, sick feeling in his stomach. He rubbed his eyes and felt the tears on his cheeks-he had really cried, then. With a whimper he turned to see the clock on the table-and yelped. It was way past the agreed time he had been supposed to see the ones he should photograph. 

Dean fell back on the pillows, unable to hold the tears back. He had slept badly, seeing the nightmare over and over again, and the ghost of pain throbbed through him. It was cold, Dean having kicked his blankets to the floor. He was so damn tired, but also afraid that he would seriously hurt himself if he didn't get up NOW. 

He sat up and pulled on a sweater-it was too big, his hands not coming out from the sleeves, the hem somewhere around his knees. He grabbed his sweat pants too, just seeking comfort, before wandering to the living room, only to find that the lights didn't work. 

He didn't want to be alone. The thought of sitting alone in his house made the tears fall faster, and he sniffed, reaching for his phone. Without much thinking he chose Aidan's number, not caring how he probably would scare Aidan away. He just did not want to be alone, but he also did not want to call Adam-he wasn't into lectures at the moment. 

"Mornin', Deano," Aidan's cheery voice answered after the third ring. Somehow it made Dean even more sad-why on earth would he call Aidan? Aidan was at work. They had known for three days. Aidan would leave if Dean would open up for him now. No one wanted to be friends with or date an ex-drug addict.  
"Uh.. I, sorry, I didn't mean to call..." He muttered, angry at himself when he heard how his voice trembled. 

"What?" Aidan asked, voice clearer, as if he had moved into a more silent place.  
"I said I didn't mean to call," Dean said and sniffed again. Damn it. He could almost see Aidan freezing on the other end.  
"Dean? What's wrong?" He asked, silent, speaking slowly.  
"Nothing, m'fine, sorry that I called. I just.. Was picking up Adam's number and hit yours instead." Dean lied.  
"Don't try that on me, O'Gorman. I can HEAR that you are crying. Look, I'm coming over." Dean heard rustling, Aidan pulling on a jacket and telling someone, apparently Martin, that he was off now. 

"No! It's your second day, you are at work, I'm fine, just-" Dean tried, but Aidan interrupted him.  
"Martin said it's fine-you come first. And nothing you say will stop me. I'm on my way. Stay there." And then he ended the call. 

Dean looked around his dark livingroom, feeling helpless. He curled into a ball at the corner of his couch, taking deep breaths and trying to stop the crying. It was just a nightmare. The pain wasn't real. But he was so tired.  
He reached his hands in front of him, the long sleeves hanging uselessly over his fingers.  
Think of happy things, happy things...he ordered himself, but it was too silent to get the dream off of his head. Silent and dark. 

He looked outside, noticing that it was snowing again. No wonder it was so cold. Big snow flakes flowed silently down from the dark sky, illuminated by the street lights. There had to be at least ten centimeters already. 

With a sigh Dean rubbed his eyes with his sleeves. He felt so stupid. What would he tell Aidan? He had cried because of a dream? Aidan would probably force him to tell the truth or something. And Dean didn't know if he was ready to share. 

A loud banging on the door made Dean nearly scream. He jumped up and hurried to open, not sure whether or not Aidan would kick the door in if he wasn't fast enough. 

The moment the door was open enough for Aidan to sneak through, a pair of warm, strong arms wrapped around Dean, and Aidan just stood there, holding him close in the doorway, rubbing small circles on his back, his face pressed in Dean's hair, his breathing and heartbeat steady, his chest warm. It made Dean cry freely, and he clutched Aidan's jacket, his knuckles white. 

Slowly Aidan reached one hand to close the door, the other tightening around Dean, and then he walked them both to the couch, not trying to light the lamps, not saying anything, just sitting down and hugging Dean. 

They remained like that until Dean's sobs reduced and his breathing evened. His heart was racing, afraid of what might come next. 

Aidan pressed a gentle kiss on the top of his head.  
"Dean, I want you to tell me. I want you to know that I'm here for you, and no matter that we've only known each other for such a small while. I care about you and I like you, and I want to help you. So please." He backed up a little, his eyes dark but honest, worried. 

For a while Dean sat silent, letting his breathing calm down properly, but not looking away from Aidan. And then he started telling him. He was not sure if he should, but if Aidan would now run, then at least Dean would know that it wouldn't have been worth it-what's the point in making this last any longer then? 

He told about his childhood, how everything had changed when his father had been found dead from an alley near their house. He told how his mother had gotten so depressed she had stopped working, started hitting Dean and screaming at him for the smallest mistake, blaming him for his father's death, saying that she wished it would've been Dean instead, that she could always replace Dean. And Dean had not seen a way out, not any other but drugs, and he had become addicted in a week.  
He pulled his sleeve up to show Aidan the scars, and Aidan traced a finger over them, looking sad. And Dean continued.  
He told how he had been barely alive, living in an apartment so filthy and destroyed that it was a wonder he had survived it alive. He told how all his 'friends' had died one by one from overdose. He told how he too had nearly died, often waking up in a hospital, people judging him, people who knew nothing of him, and how he had always escaped. Escaped and continued. Slowly withering and dying, not caring anymore. 

And then Adam had come. Adam had bought the house next door for winters, and one day mistook Dean's home for his-Dean's house looked normal from outside. The door had been open, as always, and Adam had come in, stopping dead at the hall. He had nearly fled, but then he had seen Dean. Skinny as a skeleton, hunched in a corner, long, dirty curls falling over his white face. 

And Adam had stayed. He had done all that was in his power to drag Dean out from his nightmare, he had helped Dean and been a constant support. Even George, a tall man with tattoos and black hair, had helped Dean, but unknowingly-he had just provided everything Dean needed, giving them to Adam without question.  
And slowly, painfully slowly but still, Dean had recovered. 

"But not fully." Dean said. "I'm still having horrible nightmares, where I'm locked into that house, and someone's... banging at the door and shouting my name. But I don't know who it is yet. And until I will know, I will stay there." He fell silent, wiping the last tears off his face, just looking at Aidan and waiting.

Dean didn't know what he would do if Aidan would leave him now. He would understand, definetly, because they knew nearly nothing of each other-except now Aidan did. And Dean was terribly conscious of the fact that he had revealed everything about himself to a nearly stranger. He knew that Aidan could hurt him now, use all this against him, and there would be nothing Dean could do. 

Aidan sat still, looking down, his brown curls covering most of his face. His hands were squeezed into fists, and his breathing was quite fast. 

"Aidan?" Dean asked with a small voice, and then Aidan looked up. He was pale, his eyes huge, and he looked like he was suffering. Without a word he reached for Dean and pulled him into a crushing hug. 

"Oh Dean," he breathed into Dean's hair, his fingers gripping so tight it almost hurt. "I'm so sorry. I can't... It hurts to hear what you've been through. You didn't deserve that... I.." He backed up, raising Dean's head and kissing him gently, wiping some tears off Dean's face. 

"I'm so proud of you," he said quietly. "And I'm so happy you got through it-Dean, you are an amazing, brilliant person. And I promise I won't let anything harm you, okay?" He backed up a little to look into Dean's eyes.  
"I will protect you, Dean. It takes so much to tell something like that to a person you've known for few days, and I.. I'm so happy you trust me so much. You are more brave than I would be." He laughed a little, and Dean saw tears at the corners of his eyes. 

"No no, Aidan, you can't cry now," he said, raising his sleeve-covered hands to wipe the tears off. "Or I'll cry again and snot all over your shirt!" 

Aidan guffawed tearily, sniffing and coughing. "Man, I don't know why... I'm just moved. Geez." He laughed, and Dean joined him, a warm feeling spreading inside him. Aidan hadn't left. Aidan had CRIED for him. Aidan cared for him and wanted to protect him. In a way no one else ever had.

"Dean, this is... I didn't expect anything like this. I'll be honest with you, I'm shocked, but hearing all this, hearing how.." He frowned. "How alone you have been, it makes me just want to.. shield you from everything. If you understand-" he was silenced as Dean pressed a finger to his lips. 

"You know, I feared that you would run." Dean said, and Aidan let out a protesting sound, but Dean didn't let him talk. "I know that it's ridiculous to reveal such a past to... a person I haven't known even for a week. But I trust you, that you wouldn't hurt me-"  
Aidan grabbed Dean's wrist and looked nearly insulted. 

"Dean, I will never hurt you. Never. I don't know what this is, but from the moment I saw you I felt like I finally had someone to protect, you know. Don't ask me why. So please don't ever be afraid that I would do anything to hurt you." He looked stern, and didn't change his expression until Dean nodded. Then he laughed, kissing Dean again. 

"Holy crap," he grinned. "You must think me a real weirdo now." 

"You? A weirdo?" Dean shook his head with a smile. "You are an alien, not a-" he laughed as Aidan slapped him playfully.  
"Dean!" He gasped. "How did you guess? Now I think I'll have to eat you... Or take you to my planet."  
"What kind of a planet?" Dean asked, looking at Aidan with an arched eyebrow. 

"Well, people live in blanket forts." Aidan said, all serious. "Clouds hang low and are made of cotton candy, and the sky is purple and filled with stars even during the day. And the ground is candy. And there are books everywhere, and you can walk into them and live the story, then coming back. And everyone's happy and healthy." He grinned. 

"Sounds great. Let's go there." Dean hummed. Aidan smiled, taking Dean's hand and pushing the sleeve off, revealing the light scars. He pressed a gentle kiss on each of them, and Dean shuddered. 

"Dean, I want you to promise me you'll never harm yourself again." Aidan nearly whispered. He smiled up at Dean, and Dean smiled back, leaning close to press their foreheads together. 

"I promise."


	9. Blanket forts, candy cannons and kisses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So in this one, Aidan pretty sneakily does his best to prevent Dean from having nightmares... Will he do it? :D Just cuddling and kissing, pretty much. XD

Dean sat on the bathroom floor, knees drawn up, trying to listen carefully. About an hour ago Aidan had ordered him to go to the bathroom and NOT come out before Aidan would give him a permission to it. For now, Dean had heard Aidan leaving the apartment, had heard his car leaving, and after some anxious waiting, coming back, Aidan huffing as if he was carrying something heavy. Aidan had apologized for leaving, and Dean had assured him he had stayed in the bathroom. After that Dean heard some cursing, Aidan going into his bedroom, a bit more cursing and then silence. 

The silence had now been going on for a while, and Dean was getting worried. What if Aidan had left? But the moment the thought struck his mind, Aidan knocked at the bathroom door. 

"All done. Come out, but keep your eyes closed." Aidan said, and Dean could hear the excitement in his voice.  
"As if I need to, it's so dark." Dean mumbled, but did as told, though feeling just slightly ridiculous as he made his way to the door, opened it, and crashed straight to Aidan. Aidan laughed, and took a hold of Dean's shoulders, spinning him around so that he was facing the corridor. Then Aidan put his hands gently over Dean's eyes.  
"Okay. Walk." He whispered, and Dean did as told, taking slow steps and grinning goofily all the time. Aidan laughed into his hair, and after a moment that felt like eternity they stopped. 

"Ready?" Aidan asked quietly. "Look!"  
He pulled his hands off, and Dean's eyes cracked open. 

"Aid," he breathed, eyes widening. They were standing in the living room, but Dean barely recognized it. All around the room were candles, since the lights didn't work, and the candles had already warmed up the small space, creating mysterious shadows to the bare walls. In the middle of the room was a huge blanket fort, supported by Dean's chairs and couch and something else, that Dean didn't remember he owned-a tv flashed gentle light from under the blankets. The entrance was just a small crack in the middle, barely seeable in the dark. 

Dean turned to find Aidan grinning at him.  
"What? How? A tv?" Dean asked, blushing and gripping at Aidan's sleeve.  
"That's why I left. I have two tv's at home, or had, and I figured that now the other is needed. I'm gonna have to take it back though, but not at the moment. Jesus it was heavier than I thought, and I nearly dropped it several times." He laughed merrily, his brown eyes sparkling. "I also brought movies. Like Chocolat-Johnny Depp is one of my favorites." He laughed at Dean's dumbfounded face, raising his hands to squeeze Dean's cheeks.  
"You know, I would've never done this for anyone else. It's just for you." He kneeled down and shoved the entrance blanket aside, gesturing for Dean to crawl in.  
"It's safe." He laughed, and Dean kneeled too, crawling into the fort, his eyes widening even more if it was possible. 

The inside was illuminated by the tv and the candle light that shone through the fabrics. On the floor there was a soft, furry carpet and several pillows, and the space was just big enough for two. Dean went further to let Aidan come in, and when Aidan had pulled the blanket over the entrance, Dean leaned in to kiss him. 

Aidan smiled against his mouth, raising his hand to the back of Dean's head, running it through the blonde curls. Dean grabbed Aidan's hair between his fingers, tugging at it playfully, and Aidan laughed a little before deepening the kiss, leaning forward so that Dean had to back up into the only direction possible-down. Slowly he lowered himself to the pillows, Aidan following and not breaking the contact. On the way Dean's head hit the bowl full of candy that he had missed, and both of them laughed as the candies spread on the floor. But they were soon forgotten, Aidan's warm body pressing against Dean's, and Dean gasped as Aidan's lips found the crook of his neck, slowly making their way up to his jawline, under his ear, to the tip of his nose and back to his lips.  
Aidan's hands wandered around his body as well, touching so lightly that Dean barely felt it, the heated prickling under his skin the only thing to tell him. Aidan drew small, overlapping circles to his neck, arms and chest, smiling as Dean laughed when he hit a ticklish spot. 

"We were supposed to watch a movie," Dean said a little breathlessly, and Aidan laughed, peppering his face with small kisses before sitting up, leaving Dean all flustered to the pillows.  
"You sure?" He asked with a teasing tone, and only to tease him back, Dean nodded. He too sat up, and after Aidan had pushed the DVD in he leaned against the couch, Dean sitting between Aidan's legs, leaning into his chest. Aidan placed his chin on top of Dean's head, and Dean grinned. He had a feeling they wouldn't see much of the movie. 

It took fifteen minutes before Aidan started shifting uncomfortably, and Dean moved to face him.  
"I can't watch the movie if you are so close," Aidan whined with a playful sparkle in his eyes.  
"Well, I can go further then," Dean said, calmly but grinning inside, slowly starting to back off. Aidan's eyes widened, and he reached out a hand.  
"No, I meant-"  
"Yeah?" Dean asked, still crawling away from the brunette. "What did you mean?" 

Aidan's brow furrowed at that, and he growled. "You tease," he grunted, a devilish grin spreading on his face as he started towards Dean.  
Dean let out a sound between a scream and a laugh, but it turned into a yelp as his back met the blanket and he fell down with it and the chair holding it up.

"Dean!" Aidan was next to him in a blink of an eye, pushing off the chair. "Are you ok? I'm sorry, I should've-" he fell silent as Dean laughed.  
"I think I have candy in my hair," Dean announced, sitting up and shaking his head. "Shame, I would've wanted to eat them." 

"I'll get you more of it," Aidan said, momentarily distracted of his previous intentions as Dean stood up in the middle of the remains of their fort.  
"Looks like the enemies have broken through," Dean said seriously. His hair was ruffled, his cheeks flushed and his eyes bright, his sweat pants hanging low on his hips. He sent a smirk to the brunette.  
"Looks like we have to fight." 

Aidan grinned and snatched a handful of candies from the floor.  
"Men!" He bawled. "To the cannons!" And then he threw the candies to the air like a bunch of tiny, colorful cannon balls, and Dean laughed, stumbling to the side, his feet tangling with the blanket, and he fell on top of Aidan in a mess of blonde hair and overly big sweat pants. 

"You ain't no fairy, I'll say," Aidan whimpered from under him, and Dean silenced him with a kiss.  
"If I was a fairy," he laughed, "the winter wind would've already blown me away." 

Aidan wrapped his arms around Dean's waist, bringing him down into a hug, kissing his cheek.  
"You know, Deano," he said, shifting a little to make himself comfortable, "I think I like you a lot." He huffed into Dean's hair. "And your hair is in my mouth." 

"Beg your pardon," Dean said, shifting a little. "And I think I like you a lot too." He grinned and listened the rumble of Aidan's laugh through his chest. "Mind telling me what we are doing on Saturday?" 

"Definetly not!" Aidan said immediately. "It's a surprise."  
Dean raised his head, arching an eyebrow.  
"You like surprises, don't you?" He asked, nuzzling the brunette's nose.  
"Not for me, oddly," Aidan said, "but coming up with surprises is the best." 

"So I can't ever surprise you?" Dean pouted, and Aidan's eyes widened. "You can," he said hastily. "Just tell me first."  
Dean guffawed. 

"Right." 

Then they both just lay there, Aidan's arms around Dean, Dean's head against Aidan's chest. The movie was still going on silently, Johnny Depp flashing on and off the screen. The blankets were a colorful, soft mess on the floor, rainbow-colored candies peaking from here and there. It was nice and quiet, and Dean focused on Aidan's heartbeat. It was steady, and strong, and soon Dean's eyes were drooping and he relaxed fully, drifting off to sleep, as Aidan drew tiny circles to his back. 

•••••

When Dean woke up, his first thought was that he had not seen the nightmare. For the first time in what felt like eternity he had slept without the pain and the fear, and he felt.. new.  
His second thought was that he was sleeping on something really uncomfortable, and a little groggily he raised his head, only to see Aidan's sleeping face. The chair had somehow fallen on top of them again, Aidan now pinned down by both Dean's and the chair's weight, and with slow movements Dean pushed the chair to the side. Then he leaned his head down to give the sleeping brunette an eskimo-kiss. 

Aidan stirred, his eyes focusing for a while, and when he saw Dean he smiled.  
"Christ, I kind of thought this was a dream," he mumbled as they both sat up, cracking their spines and joints to their right places.  
"What time is it?" 

Dean reached back to see the clock on the wall.  
"Six a.m. Geez, did we really sleep that long?"  
"You did," Aidan said, looking around at the mess and the candles that had burned to their ends. "I stayed up 'til late, finished the movie and drew to your back to make sure you don't see the nightmare again. And I had to make sure the candles won't burn us alive." 

Dean pouted at that.  
"Aid, you should've woke me up." 

"Of course I wouldn't do that!" Aidan said. "Are you telling me you didn't sleep well?"  
"Never better," Dean mumbled, and they both headed to the kitchen for some early breakfast and coffee, Aidan smiling triumphantly. 

"You know, I could just go to work a bit earlier," Aidan announced during his third cup. "I mean, yesterday my day was barely an hour-which is not your fault, don't even go there," he warned at Dean's face,"but I'm sure Martin would appreciate it. New books and all, could be nice if I had them sorted before he arrived." 

"Definetly. Look, I'm sorry that you had to leave-" Dean went silent as Aidan gave him a quick kiss.  
"None of that," Aidan said stricktly. "Anything for you, Deano." 

Dean walked Aidan to the hall, feeling more than a little guilty that Aidan had to do such a long day because of him. But Aidan's wide grin never failed him, he just ruffled Dean's hair and laughed at his sulky expression. 

"I'll come clean up my mess during lunch or something, Bag End is so near... And I think you have some calls to do." He peered at Dean's answering machine, the red light telling them that Dean had probably a bunch of calls waiting.  
Dean groaned. 

"Most are from Adam I'm sure, but I also have to call to those clients I missed yesterday. Gods what am I going to say?" 

"Tell them you have no interest in old people and their grandchildren." Aidan said.  
"I can't! They pay my salary!" Dean muttered, and Aidan looked surprised.  
"Not just them, I'd imagine? Look, you had exhibitions in New Zealand. Why not here too?" He smiled, and Dean had to smile back.  
"It's just.. Exhibitions don't give me money, I pay for the space-"  
"Shush there!" Aidan interrupted, opening the door. "Don't do what you don't want to, and do what you want, it's tough and sometimes your life will drop hard and fast, but in the end, you'll have no regrets whatsoever."  
And with a wave he was gone.

"Then why are you out there selling books when you want to draw?" Dean asked silently from the door, before turning miserably towards his phone. 

He had some serious explaining to do.


	10. Not a chapter

Okay people! 

First, I will tell you that this is the damn first time I've been able to update anything here for a long time.   
If I try to update the chapters I've written this just loads and loads and then lags, not updating anything-I left it loading for nearly the whole Saturday but it didn't update it. And that pisses me off big time because I know you are waiting for new chapters and if I were you I'd already be annoyed as fuck, to put it nicely.   
I don't know if the chapter just is too long or something, though I rewrote it and everything, and naturally I can't update the other ones before the next one. 

But tomorrow my uncle who's somewhat geek comes to check if there's a problem with our internet and THEN I can hopefully finally continue the story! 

I have no idea why this is updated. Okay I'm writing this on my phone maybe so, but I've tried everything I can-I'm not good with computers so xDD SORRY. Don't kill me.


	11. Fancy, rich, delicious=Richard

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So! The long-awaited date with our damn hawt Richard Armitage!! ^^ I've been waiting to write this chapter! Hope you like it-I'm trying to make Richard as different from Aidan as possible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And! I will make this clear now xD The Dean I have in mind in this story is the slightly younger Dean, because I think it fits the things that I'll put him through in the future chapters and also his view of life. ^^

Saturday came faster than was legal, at least in Dean's point of view. He had not been able to really focus on the Aidan/Richard matter yet, and now it was too late to cancel the dinner. Besides, Dean wasn't even sure if he wanted to. 

He had been sort of down ever since he had made the calls after the soft blanket fort day, during which he had been probably the happiest in his life. First, the old couple had really nearly told him to fuck off and shove his camera up his ass, before daring to demand a new appointment. Second, his boss had given him a strict warning NOT TO have holidays like that ever again, not when he didn't even have that hard a job. Great. And third, Adam had been furious. Furious of what, Dean wasn't sure, but he had an odd feeling that it had something to do with Aidan. So now, not talking to Adam, Dean had no one to talk about Richard. He had suffered several, short fevers during the past days because of all the thinking, and he had even missed meeting Elijah again. 

Dean sighed, slowly swinging his legs in the air as he sat on the kitchen counter, waiting for his coffee. Richard would come pick him up in fifteen minutes, but Dean needed to be sharp and focused.  
On his left hand he had his cell phone, and he stared at Adam's number with a dull mind. He would've liked nothing as much as to call his best friend for some advice. Richard was so... stylish. Manly. Gentleman. Whatever. Dean felt like a kid with the man, and the worst part was that it didn't even feel that bad. He enjoyed Richard's company, at least from what he had experienced the man was a good listener and had a sense of humor. 

"You idiot!" He told himself, frowning and shoving his tongue out at the reflection he saw from the side of the coffee machine. "You big, people-hurting IDI-" he was interrupted by the doorbell, which almost dropped him flat to the floor.  
"Coming!" He yelled as the bell rang again. He stumbled not so gracefully to the hall and nearly collided with the door, sending a silent prayer to the heavens before pulling the door open. 

As every time before, again Dean's knees nearly failed him, and the only things keeping him up were the doorhandle and the last remains of his dignity. 

Richard was... well. A god-like creature that should NOT have anything to do with trolls like Dean-or that's what Dean thought.  
Richard's hair was carelessly fluffy, black and thick, and Dean wanted to run his fingers trough it. He had grown his stubble just a little, and it made him look...delicious. He was wearing a white dress shirt, just tight enough to show how fit he was without being glued into his skin. The top buttons were open, and the sight made Dean's mouth dry.  
Richard had black jeans and the leather shoes he had been wearing the first time they met. He had his jacket on his right hand, thrown over his shoulder. 

"Evening," he said, his voice deeper than any other Dean had ever heard. And those damn blue eyes, sparkling like a pair of baby blue lakes from his pale face.  
"Eve-ho," Dean stammered. "I mean! Yes, I-that was a mixture of.. You know.. Evening.. And.." He looked down, wanting to burn there or turn into a worm.  
"And a ho?" Richard sounded very amused. "Pirate ho?"  
"More or less.." Dean said, but to his relief Richard didn't laugh. Instead he just tilted his head, a black strand falling to his face.  
"Are you ready?"  
"Yes!" Dean turned and snatched his new jacket from the hanger, banging the door close and grinning. "I'm ready." 

Richard shook his head slightly, smiling, before turning and leading Dean to his car. 

"What have you been up to the whole week?" Richard asked, the gentle hum of the engine a painful reminder of the fact Dean had not had time to drink his coffee. "Did those criminals bother you again?" 

"You know as well as I do that there were no criminals." Dean smiled shyly. He saw Richard grinning from the corner of his eye.  
"I do. May I ask, why did you tell that tale to that poor man there?"  
"Well, it started to piss me off, how he looked at me because I wasn't one of the fancy, rich customers they usually-" Dean stopped, remembering that Richard was one of those fancy, rich customers. "I mean, he looked at me like I was a beggar." He finished. 

"I see," Richard nodded. "You have a good imagination. And the arrogant voice-I nearly thought it wasn't you at all." He laughed. "But it didn't fit you. You aren't arrogant."  
"I'm not." Dean admitted. "It'd be tough for me to treat other people like they are trash."  
"Not so many do that." Richard said slowly.  
"Yeah.. But I honestly don't even know why I came there-seriously, they charge too much for a jacket." Dean looked down at his, the black fabric soft and warm. 

Richard glanced at his jacket as well, before looking back at the road.  
"I think it really fits you. But I agree with the prices. Though you can count on that jacket for many winters ahead. It's top quality." He winked, and Dean's breath hitched. 

"Well, I'll rather pay a lot for a good, trustworthy piece of fabric than pay for some worse every year." Dean announced, and Richard hummed. 

•••••

Dean had never been in a restaurant like the one Richard had chosen, and he felt very stupid. He didn't belong in a place like this, where rich, beautiful people like Richard ate silently and talked smoothly, each wearing clothes more expensive than the other.  
The restaurant was large, dimly but cozily lit, big, peaceful booths circling the walls. Classical music gave a nice background noise, and the clitter and clatter of wine glasses, forks and knives filled the air along with it. 

Dean felt absolutely ridiculous. He really looked like a boy next to Richard, his blonde curls wild and overgrown, his face shaved clean, his eyes probably the size of two plates. And he wasn't wearing a damned suit or anything near that-he had his old, dark jeans and a normal sweater. Damn. Damn damn damn. 

The butler noticed them, a smile spreading on his face as he came to them and bowed his head. Fecking BOWED. Dean felt like he should maybe perform a fancy bow or some type of a vow from the Elizabethan England, but thank the lords he didn't. Instead he hid behind Richard, who announced his name and the reservation for two.  
The butler quickly searched the name and then lead them into a far booth-Dean was happy that Richard hadn't taken a table from the middle. For crying out loud, Dean didn't even know which of the several forks to use. 

"The waiter will be here shortly," the butler informed them before taking his leave. 

Dean focused on observing Richard. The black haired man had a slight frown on his face, staring at the forks on the table with mild interest.  
"You know," he said. "My friend recommended this place. But in my opinion, one or two forks are perfectly well." He picked the smallest one up, looking at it and finally rolling his eyes before looking at Dean.  
"What would you like?" He pointed at the menus, and Dean took his, flapping it through aimlessly.  
"I can't understand the names," he admitted. Richard frowned and took the menu, opening the first page and silently whistling.  
"Well, luckily I know some French." He flashed Dean a smile. 

What don't you know? Dean thought to himself just as their waiter appeared, a beautiful young man with ink black hair curling at the nape of his neck, green eyes and illegally long and thick lashes. He was damn well prettier than most of the girls Dean had seen in his life.  
"Good evening," the waiter said, flashing a brilliant smile. "I am Aaron, and I'll be your waiter tonight. What would you like to drink?" His voice was pleasant, and Dean wondered if the guy had been the first in line when good looks and other stuff was given. 

Richard named a wine that would've made Dean's tongue go all ribbons, and Aaron bowed his head, disappearing to the kitchens. 

"So," Dean coughed. He didn't quite stand awkward silences. "Where do you work?" That was lame. Oh so lame. The must-ask-on-a-date-question-number-one had now been asked, and Richard arched an eyebrow.  
"I'm a headhunter." He said slowly. "I search and find suitable leaders as well as clients to big companies that don't use the heritance system-so basically every company these days. Not many leave their companies to their children anymore. Which means work for people like me." He smiled. "It's dull really, but I have power, if you will. Of course I don't search bosses for small companies like shops or something like that, but the companies that run this country or the world."  
Dean nodded, wondering how many great leaders owed thanks to this man.

Aaron reappeared with the wine, first pouring a small amount into Richard's glass for tasting. Which, Dean understood with a jolt of embarrassment, meant that Aaron had acknowledged Richard as the 'man' of the two. Yeee...  
Richard tasted and nodded, and Aaron poured their glasses full, not spilling a single drop on to the white table cloth. Then he left the bottle for them and straightened.  
"Are you ready to order?" He asked, and Richard nodded-the waiter didn't seem to care whether or not Dean was ready, not looking at him even once, emerald green eyes on Richard. 

Again Richard said the names that Dean wouldn't have had even the courage to try in public, and Aaron left to get their food. 

"What am I getting?" Dean asked.  
"To be very honest, I just said the names I dared to pronounce," Richard said sheepishly, surprising Dean and making him laugh.  
"Really? I thought I was the only one here not understanding a thing going on." Dean looked around, spotting Aaron from the small desk in front of the window to the kitchens.  
"He's too pretty." Dean mumbled with a grin. "I feel like a troll." 

"Is he?" Richard glanced at Aaron, it was a blink of an eye but Dean knew Richard had noticed. He couldn't blame the man-EVERYONE noticed. Great.  
"I don't see any trolls here." Richard smiled fondly. "You are just as pretty."  
Dean huffed, blushing but not arguing-he didn't want to sound like a moron begging for compliments. 

They didn't have to wait for the food very long. As it arrived, Dean admitted that it looked delicious. It was some sort of fish, and the first bite blowed his mind. He had never tasted anything quite so good, and he felt happier for not cancelling every minute. 

And Richard, well, Richard was like a prince from a story book. He looked absolutely perfect, there wasn't a moment in which he would've looked funny or flushed or embarrassed. Dean knew he for sure had his moments of each, but suddenly it didn't bother him. Richard told him about his life, where he lived and about his little golden retriever called Thor-Richard turned out to secretly be a Marvel freak.  
He said that Thor had been especially detailed with tearing all his shoes into tiny bits, and that Richard definetly couldn't trust the dog in bringing him his newspaper, not if he wanted to read more of it that the first headline. The tales of the tiny Thor made Dean laugh, and he told Richard about the dog he had once had. 

"What about your work?" Richard asked as they worked hard on stuffing the cheese cake into their full stomachs. "How is it going?" 

"Well," Dean said, leaning back and fighting the urge to open his belt or something, "I kind of already got my boss pissed."  
"How?" Richard asked, looking at the remaining amount of the cake rather helplessly. Dean felt the same way-the cake was delicious, but he was so FULL.  
"I... ditched a client." Dean said. "I couldn't go on Wednesday. But I forgot to inform them."  
He must've looked weird, because Richard turned his whole attention on Dean.  
"What happened?" He asked silently.  
"Hm, just the fever-it doesn't mean that I'm sick, I've always had it-" since the drugs, that is, Dean thought, "but I still couldn't go. So I slept." Funny how smoothly the lie came out. No struggle at all-but he just wasn't ready to lay out his ragged and torn up life in front of Richard, not yet. 

"I understand. Did you get into big trouble?" Richard asked gently.  
"No, no, he just warned me. And I deserved that, it was very stupid. A client is a client." Dean shrugged, pushing the plate away the same time Richard did. They smiled at each other.  
"No more cake, huh?" Richard asked with a grin.  
"No thanks, I'll explode." Dean nodded, and Richard waved Aaron to them. The boy smiled sweetly and gave them the bill in a small black notebook or whatever it was, Dean didn't know, and Richard left the money in between. Cash. Dean didn't dare think how much it was. 

Suddenly the thoughts of dates and Aidan flowed back into Dean's mind, and he was happy Richard was walking in front of him.  
Was this a date now? Or a dinner between friends? But didn't friends usually pay for their own foods? And the restaurant had been filled with couples, not friends having a nice Saturday-evening dinner. Should he tell Richard now that he was with Aidan? Was he with Aidan? They had kissed. Dean had told Aidan all about his pathetic past. But did that count? What counted? Dean had never quite dated, and damn he had definetly NEVER been in this kind of situation. 

With a start Dean felt his forehead burning under his hand-think less, think less. What kind of a disorder or sickness was this? A fever from too much thinking? Was his brain really so slow it started to smoke if he had too much thoughts? 

"Dean?" Richard asked from the other side of the car. "Are you okay?"  
"Yes, yes, just thinking.." Dean smiled and climbed into the car, just wishing to get home before he'd start feeling dizzy. He needed to lie down now and stop thinking, maybe go to sleep... He was so stupid. He should just say that he had something going on with Aidan. But what if he didn't? What if Aidan would just laugh at him, and then he had no one? But was Richard a spare then? Was Aidan a spare? Was he a spare? What if this was some nasty trick his drugged mind had created, what if he really was still in that dirty room? 

"Dean."  
Dean turned to Richard, just as the man leaned forward and pressed a soft, careful kiss on Dean's lips. It was curious, asking-was he allowed to do that?  
Something exploded in Dean's mind, and he leaned closer, finally running a hand through that black hair, enjoying every second while his mind screamed with Aidan's face 'what are you doing, what are you doing?!' He felt his blood rushing through his veins like it never had before, never, and it was hot, it was burning. 

Then Richard pulled back to breathe, eyes wide but smiling.  
"I.. Had fun." He said and laughed shortly.  
"Me too," Dean said drowsily, the burn still not gone. In fact, it was getting a lot worse. He needed air.  
"I'll call you," he promised before opening the door and stepping out. 

But the moment he didn't have the car seat for his support, the ground disappeared from under him, suddenly appearing in front of him, tiny specks of ice and snow rushing towards his face.  
The last thing he heard was Richard's panicked voice calling his name, and then the burning, along with everything else, was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here this finally is! THANK YOU UNCLE! <3
> 
> So, why did I use time and rows to describe my own creation Aaron? (The beautiful waiter boy). Well, I'll tell you this: he'll have a role in this story. Otherwise he would've been completely unimportant. So if you wondered why I stuck with a mere waiter, know that he'll have a VERY important role in the future. Won't tell what though. Not what you think xD
> 
> And again I'm sorry for the delay. Annoying. Turned out my cat had thought it funny to play with the wires. Well, I'm glad he isn't dead - his name is Loki by the way xD Loki the badass kitten.


	12. It's Tuesday and snowing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean has been off for a while. It's time to come to, especially when you have your coffee machine on... XD

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for being so late... This is my last year in high school, so I'm REALLY busy... Anyway! For all the darlings who've waited patiently, I love you like my best friends!! <33 hugs! 
> 
> And in this one, Dean finally understands WHY he hasn't been able to tell Aid about Richard and vice versa.

Dean groaned ungracefully, attempting to raise his hands to rub his eyes. What the hell had happened? His mind was full of grey slush, moving around lazily inside his skull. He flinched as his fingers brushed his cheek-it felt sore and scratchy. Had he been drunk? 

Slowly, suppressing a whimper, he tore his eyes open, the sudden light, though dim, forcing him to squint. If this was a hangover, it was the worst.

For a while he stared at the ceiling, letting his eyes adjust, and slowly he realized he wasn't staring at his own ceiling. First of all, the light was coming from his left. In his apartment, there were no windows to his left. Secondly, the bed was way too soft, smelled way too good and was wide enough for Dean to sleep even horizontally, if he wanted to. 

Holding his aching head but careful not to touch his cheek, Dean sat up, the room spinning for a good long while before settling in front of him. 

It definetly wasn't his room. 

This room was enormous, the floor made of hardwood, polished and shiny, a soft white carpet placed in the middle. There was a decorated fireplace at the opposite wall, a slightly open door next to it indicating to and en-suite bathroom. The windows at the left wall were from the floor all the way up to the ceiling, light curtains drawn to the sides, revealing the small backyard. The right wall was full of small doors, a closet inside the wall, apparently. 

Dean looked down at the bed. The blanket was thick and incredibly soft, and there were more pillows than he had seen even in Adam's bed, and that was already something. 

Suddenly he remembered what had happened. The memories came back like balloons suddenly popped with a needle, exploding and leaving him confused.  
The dinner, the kiss and the passing out, with the grace of a dying elephant. Great. So he must've been in Richard's house. 

"Richard?" Christ his voice was hoarse. But no one answered, the house remaining eerily quiet. Dean swallowed, pushing the blanket aside and stepping on to the carpet, taking a deep breath to stop the spinning of his head. He was still wearing the jeans, though his sweater had been taken off, and he only had the ragged t-shirt on. A short glimpse at the mirror above the fireplace left Dean gaping-his hair was damp and pointed at every difection. His skin was nearly grey, so pale and sick, and his left cheek was full of scratches and matted blood, a purple bruise standing out against his skin like a splotch of ink on an otherwise empty canvas. He looked like a zombie. 

Silently, as if afraid he'd wake up someone else, Dean sneaked to the bedroom door, peaking out at the second floor landing. Another huge window next to the stairs gave light to the landing, few more doors opening maybe into guestrooms or bathrooms. 

"Richard?" Dean called again, not wanting to rampage around the strange house. But still he got no answer, leaving him no other choice but to step out of the room and head to the stairs. 

He saw the front door at the end of them, shoes neatly placed in a row, jackets above them like a line of black ghosts. The space opened into the livingroom, big and cozy and HIGH-the ceiling was very high up, indicating that the livingroom was at the end of the house where there was no second floor. Bookshelves from floor to ceiling were full of books bound in leather, narrow staircases circling up to the balcony at the middle, surrounding the room and giving people the opportunity to reach the upper shelves as well. Old leather armchairs were placed in front of a huge fireplace, a sidetable with crystal glasses and a bottle of whiskey between them. A big mahogany table was placed in front of the huge window, an old globe at one corner of it. The colors of the room were dark brown and red, and it looked like an office of someone very rich. 

Dean stared at all that, not noticing the figure on the chair behind the table, not before Richard looked up from the book he was reading with a frown, upon hearing Dean's admiring gasp. 

"Dean!" He stood up fast, the book forgotten, and Dean was more than startled. Richard looked like he hadn't slept at all, the stylish carelessness of his hair gone, strands of black falling to his face, his skin paler than the previous night. He had the same jeans on, and the dress shirt, now crumpled, sleeves rolled up to his elbows. He had black half moons under his enchantingly blue eyes. 

Richard strode to Dean, meeting him halfway at the stairs, and grabbed Dean's chin, though gently, turning his head and inspecting his cheek. 

"Does it hurt? How do you feel?" Richard asked, searching Dean's eyes. He looked nearly frantic, but then again, Dean had passed out on him. 

"I'm fine, thanks. The cheek's just a little sore, but it'll heal." Dean smiled. "I'm sorry," he offered weakly, and Richard frowned. 

"Come, I'll get you some breakfast." He turned on his heels and Dean followed. Unlike in Adam's house, here the kitchen too was enormous. The coloring was light, which Dean appreciated with the headache he had. With a grunt he sat down on one of the chairs, Richard opening the fridge and searching for food. 

"I'm sorry I brought you here," he said, choosing some eggs and other things Dean didn't see. "You didn't have your keys with you." 

Dean patted his pockets, frowning. Indeed. He had left without taking his keys. Perfect. "Yeah, seems I forgot them. And I... I'm terribly sorry, I can assure you it was not your fault that I... Like that.." Dean felt himself blush. Richard turned to him, looking almost angry. 

"I don't want to hear you apologizing for what happened." He said. "I wasn't even considering it my fault, or yours either." His face softened and he smiled. "But I'm glad you're okay now." 

Dean couldn't do anything else but to smile back at that. He felt guilty for startling Richard like that-and it was the second time already. First at Adam's and now this. He wondered how many time's he'd pass out in Richard's presence. 

He accepted the breakfast gratefully, so hungry he didn't even register what he was eating. Funny, he had been so full after the dinner. Richard was politely reading a newspaper from the previous day, giving Dean the privacy of eating in peace. 

Dean looked at the newspaper, thoughts wandering, when something caught his eye. Under the headline, the date seemed to shine, and Dean was sure he wasn't seeing his own things. 

Monday. It said monday. 

Richard looked up as Dean's fork clattered to the plate. Dean opened his mouth to say something, failed and tried again.  
"It's.. Monday?" He asked weakly. Richard looked at the date, nodding slowly.  
"Well, Tuesday. This is from yesterday. You... I tried to get a doctor for you, but you were mumbling that you don't want that so I let it be." Richard looked uneasy. 

"Yeah, thanks, it's better that... No doctors." Dean said, feeling like a deflated balloon. "I just... Where's my phone?!" He looked around wildly, as if his phone would've been somewhere in sight. 

"It's in your jacket pocket. It ran out of battery, and I don't have a charger for that model." Richard smiled crookedly. Dean nodded, closing his eyes and taking deep breaths. He had to sort his thoughts. 

First, he'd have to go to Adam's place. Adam had a spare key to his house. Then he'd have to check the voicemail of his home phone-he could already see the red light flashing for countless enraged messages from Adam, probably worried from Aidan and angry from his boss-no. Dean's eyes snapped open. It was his day off. No clients 'til tomorrow and then for the rest of the week. Something good in that then. But he had... 

"I left my coffee machine on!" Dean splurted out, eyes widening. Richard froze, something like pity or wonder flashing in his eyes.  
"I need to go," Dean rushed up and nearly threw the plate into the sink, only slowing down when he remembered it wasn't his home, and the plate had probably been expensive, like everything else. Then he made it to the hall, Richard right behind him, a frown on his face. 

"I don't think-" he started, but Dean huffed a laugh he wished to be reassuring.  
"I'm fine, and I know you must have work, it's Tuesday. I'm sorry for this, you must've been really annoyed. But if my house hasn't yet burned down, it soon will, and I wish to prevent it." He fought his way into his shoes, lacing them loosely and grabbing his jacket. Richard leaned against the doorframe, one eyebrow arched. 

"What if you pass out on the street? You just slept for two days, occasionally waking up in fever and not getting an understandable word out. You have eaten few eggs and a bread in two days. I could drive you-" 

"No, no, I'll be fine!" Dean waved his hand in dismissal. "I know, I've had this fever for as long as I can remember, I know that I'll be okay. Thank you, though." He turned to Richard, zipping up his jacket. He felt bad and guilty, having Richard take care of him like that and then ditching him so suddenly. But he was worried about his house-and he really needed to get to a phone. 

Slowly, tentatively, Dean walked to the taller man, hands behind his back. Not caring about the nagging voice inside his head, Dean raised up to his tiptoes and kissed Richard's cool cheek, the stubble scratching his skin.  
"Thank you," he said quietly, smiling and heading out into the crisp winter air. When he turned to look back at the gates, the door was closed, nothing implying that Richard was even home, snow pouring down from the grey sky, silently covering Dean's footsteps. 

••••••

"I'm COMING, for crying out loud!" Dean heard Adam's voice long before the man opened the front door decorated with a Christmas bell.  
Adam was wearing a suit, clearly on his way to work, mouth open to say something snarky to the moron who had interrupted his morning. Every word he had died upon seeing Dean, and the only thing he managed was a choking sound. 

"Dean!" He finally said, paler than two seconds ago. "What-your cheek? Come in!" He shot out a hand, grabbing Dean's sleeve and pulling him in, instantly starting to brush the snow off Dean's hair and shoulders.  
"You had me so worried, stupid fucker!" Adam laughed, relieved. "I went to your house the other day, had to check... You weren't there, but I turned your coffee machine off. Also brought your keys.." He pointed at the sidetable. Dean's keys lay next to a lamp.  
"What happened? Where were you? What about your cheek? Did someone-" Adam went silent as Dean opened his mouth to speak. 

"I'm fine. I was with Richard." He said, and immediately Adam's face darkened. He led Dean to the couch, sitting himself on one of the armchairs. 

"Richard?" He asked, scowling. "What were you doing with Richard?" Adam's eyes wandered to Dean's cheek again. 

"I... We had dinner. And I.. I passed out, scraped my cheek into something when I fell. I... Didn't have my keys, so Richard took me to his place." Dean tried a smile. 

"But I thought you had the dinner last Saturday-" Adam's eyes widened. "Holy CRAP! Dean, are you telling me you were unconscious for two days?" He reached out a hand to try Dean's forehead. The result seemed to satisfy him, the worried crease at his brow somewhat disappearing. 

"Yes. I'm so sorry for not calling you, but I..." Dean tried, but Adam waved him off immediately.  
"Don't go there. I'm glad you are fine. But Aidan... He's been calling me." Adam looked up to find Dean looking like he was in pain. "Are you okay?" He asked. 

"I'm.. Aidan called you?" Dean took a deep breath. Adam nodded, eyeing him suspiciously.  
"Yeah. He was really worried when I said you weren't home when I went there." 

Dean pressed his face into his hands, not caring about the pain it caused in his cheek. He deserved that. He was such an asshole. He wanted nothing less than to cause Aidan to worry about him, being selfish and stupid. He knew he'd have to explain to both Richard and Aidan, but he dreaded the moment he'd have to. 

"Help me," he said quietly, looking up at Adam. Adam's face was unreadable, but he coughed, thinking of what to say. 

"Dean.. You can't keep doing this. It's either Aid or Richard. You are just hurting yourself and both of them." Adam looked like he pitied Dean, a soft smile on his face. 

"But I don't have anything with either-" Dean tried, but Adam interrupted.  
"Yes you do. They both like you, a lot. You know that as well as I do. I say you make things clear with one of them, before it's too late." Adam looked incredibly stern, looking at Dean like a teacher a bad student. 

"You mean I have to choose?" Dean muttered. "But how can I? You don't just look at two people and choose like they are pieces of cake or something..." He fell silent. He thought about his kiss with Richard, the adrenaline rush he had had, Richard's soft laugh and those bottle blue eyes. He thought about Aidan, the blanket fort and Aidan's words "You are the only one I'd do this for." He thought about Aidan's warm hugs, his solid chest and rumbling laughter as they slept in the middle of the fort like two kids. He thought about Richard's crooked smile, the way he had played along in the butler-incident. 

All the while Adam studied him, looking friendly but strict, arms folded across his chest. 

"Easy." He finally said, snapping Dean out of it. "Which one do you love?" 

Dean widened his eyes, first time considering that feeling. He searched through his mind, icy coldness spreading through his veins as he looked at Adam like a drowning man, understanding it all in a blink of an eye. 

"Both," he whispered, horrified.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A cliffhanger!! Well, not quite, but you get the point xD


	13. Phone calls, lies and coffee

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Dean will finally go home, call Aidan and hear something surprising from Adam. :)

"I highly recommend you call Aidan. Like RIGHT NOW." Adam said, turning around to lock the door. He had insisted on driving Dean home ("you can't go around looking like that in daylight!!") and now Dean, like a kid with a hat that spelled donkey, pressed his head and nodded silently. "I will. But what can I say?" 

"The truth?" Adam said, patting his pockets for a wallet and striding to the car, parked neatly at the drive way. He ushered Dean in and sat down, shivering and turning the heat up. "That you are seeing one of Aidan's best friends too?" 

"Oh God, Adam," Dean mumbled, pressing his head to his hands and immediately flinching away as his sore cheek protested to the contact, "try not to make this worse, please." 

Adam looked at him, and finally seemed to take some pity on Dean. "Look, I can't say I know the situation any better than you. I can't force you to choose. But as your friend, I want you to. For your own good. There will be too many people broken and hurt after all this if you keep this up. I don't want to collect the pieces. Not again." 

"I know. And I'm sorry I pulled you into this. God why do I have to be so...." Dean punched the door at the lack of anything better. "I'm disgusting." 

"Dean-" Adam tried, sounding a little alarmed, but Dean cut him off. 

"I am. I'm a failure. I hurt everyone, all the time. I can't make decisions, I get a fever from thinking, like I'm bright enough not thinking either. I'm short like a hobbit and I'm positive my nose is bigger than average. And I look like a small boy growing a beard. And I lie and my past is like from a damned movie and I have no idea when to tell about it or not to and I'm afraid it'll all start again and what if it does?" He started falling apart a little, gritting his teeth and frowning. "I swear, Adam, if that happens, then please, DON'T help me anymore. Just let me-" 

"Die?" Adam asked quietly. "Is that what you really want?" 

Dean, startled by the quiet of Adam's voice, turned to look at his friend.   
"No, but-" 

"Well that's what it sounded like to me. This situation can still be fixed! You are not too deep in it yet. And I will help you. I will always help you, Dean. Remember that before you ever ask me to let you die again." Adam stared at the road ahead, and Dean blushed a very deep shade of shameful red. He was about to open his mouth for apologies, when Adam spoke again. 

"And your nose is completely normal. And I've always found hobbits quite cute." 

Dean laughed, and Adam cracked a small smile. "Just remember, Deano, every cloud has a silver lining. For you, the worst is over." He turned to smile at Dean as he stopped the car in front of Dean's house. 

Dean smiled back, stepping out and waving as Adam drove off. Then he turned to see the front porch, and the mail that had been packed into his mailbox. 

"I sure hope so.." He muttered, opening the box and letting the letters fall to the ground. 

••••••••••

"Turner," Aidan's voice was as soft as ever, though it had a weird, tense edge to it that Dean didn't like. He swallowed, taking a deep breath and once again going through the speech he had prepared. 

"Look, if this is a prank I'll-" Aidan started, sounding angrier by word, and Dean hurried to correct him. 

"No no, it's me, Aid. Dean." He said, and the silence that followed was heavier than ever. Dean was quite sure he had stopped breathing about an hour ago. 

"Holy shit," Aidan breathed after a long moment. "Holy fuck. That was some client you had there then eh?" 

Dean's eyes widened. What client? Had he missed a job? But certainly he would've had calls--

"Deano?"

"Yes. Yes! A client. Took longer than I thought." Dean slapped himself on the cheek and nearly enjoyed the burn. His speech was gone with the wind now. 

"Though you could've called me you wouldn't make it for the date." Aidan said thoughtfully. "Also I would've appreciated a simple 'I'm alive'-call too. But I guess you really had it going with the camera. What kind of a client was it? An army?" 

"What date?" Dean asked stupidly. He had had a date with Richard on Saturday, but with Aidan? He didn't remember agreeing on that. Or maybe he had, but he didn't remember the question. 

"Seriously?" Aidan asked. "I recall asking you for a date on Saturday, before or after your client, can't remember the details at the moment. And you said yes. And I came to pick you up. And you weren't there. I thought it's fine, the client's taking long and you'll call me the next day. No big deal. But you didn't call. I called Adam, mainly to ask if it's possible for a client to take a day. He asked why and I told. Sorry about that. He promised to drive by your house and he did, calling me you still weren't there. And I'm sorry if I sound like I need to know where you are every second, but I'll tell you that I certainly don't like being dumped like that." 

Dean remembered the date now. He had been ready to leave as soon as Richard had dropped him home, but things hadn't quite gone as planned. 

"Aidan, I'm so sorry. I swear I didn't want to dump you, and I wanted to call. But I... I lost my keys. I had clients piled up and one of them broke my phone. That's why I'm calling from my home phone now. I need a new cell. I had to change the locks and everything, and I'm sorry. I haven't informed but I'm often drowning in work and it takes all my thoughts and my whole concentration and I just didn't think. I understand that it sucks to be left out, but I can assure you that everyone else was in the dark about this too." Even myself, he added in his mind, knowing how pathetic his lie must sound. Why was he even lying? Why couldn't he simply spit it out, that he had been with Richard?

Oh, I know the answer to THAT, the small voice in Dean's head said darkly. It's because you haven't CHOSEN. 

"Okay, fine." Aidan's voice pierced through the fog in Dean's mind. "That sounds like some really bad luck--but then again, I happen to know you aren't the luckiest bastard on earth." 

Dean almost fell down on the floor, he was so relieved to hear the tinge of laughter, genuine laughter, in Aidan's voice. But he held himself up and forced his breathing to go down a degree. 

"I definetly am not, but I will be if you'll forgive me." He said, crossing his fingers and not even daring to hope. Aidan had all the rights to turn Dean down, and in some sense it could've been easier if he had. 

"I will if you promise me this'll never happen again. I was worried sick, though that sounds a bit... loser. Of course on normal occasion, two days of silence isn't anything to worry about--okay well. In your case it is." He laughed as Dean huffed, playfully hurt by Aidan's words. 

"I promise." He said, and meant it. He would figure this out--everything seemed brighter and easier now that Aidan had forgiven him. 

"Oh, by the way, I have a surprise for you! I was already wondering what the hell to do with it if you had dumped me.... But as you haven't, it's perfect! Can I come over?" Aidan asked, excitement clear in his voice. Dean could see the other clutching his cell and waiting for a response. It made him smile. 

"Yeah, definetly. The door isn't locked." 

"Great! See you soon!" Aidan ended the call, and Dean was left to stand in the hall, staring at the screen. 

Almost immediately the screen lit up again, flashing Adam's name. Dean sighed, pressing the answer-button and bringing the phone back to his ear. 

"Hello?" 

"Deano! Did you call him?" Adam asked, munching something--lunch time. 

"I did. And I'm forgiven." Dean said thriumphantly. 

"Good!! But that's not why I called! I have big news!" Adam sounded nearly giddy. 

"What is it?" Dean asked, wandering to the living room and sitting down on his book-covered couch. 

"Do you remember Graham? From the dinner?" Adam asked, and Dean thought back to the terribly embarrassing party where he had first met Aidan and Richard. 

"Yes. The grumpy guy who probably hated me?" 

"He's not grumpy!" Adam said loudly. "Well, maybe sometimes. But he didn't hate you... Anyway. What did you think of him?" 

"Think of him? I didn't talk to him. And I--"

"Not like that. Did you think he was hot?!" Adam demanded, and Dean was sure that if he would've been drinking coffee he would've died now. 

"Hot? Adam, I'm in the middle of a triangle drama here that I'd like to solve and you're pushing a FOURTH ONE into it? What's gotten into--"

"No!" Adam interrupted with a giggle. "Not for YOU, moron. For ME." 

Dean was silent, letting the horror fade slowly as Adam waited patiently at the other end. He remembered he had thought that Graham was pretty hot in his own way. An older man, but didn't look that old, just the gray in his hair and stubble revealing he wasn't in his thirties anymore. He had been tall, and in very good shape. His arms had been muscular and his shoulders broad, and he had possessed a good sense of style, wearing dark jeans and a black, simple shirt, the top two buttons left open. 

"Yeah, I'd say he's hot. For you. Why?" Dean asked, and Adam giggled again. 

"He called me today and asked me for dinner. Can you imagine? I know he's different from George... George was tall too, but more rock n' roll. And younger. I liked to trace his tattoos--"

"Yeah thanks!" Dean said quickly. "I don't need to hear that!" 

Adam laughed. "Sorry. The very truth is, that I think I still love George. I shouldn't, but he's just so GORGEOUS. You know. With his mile-long lashes and black hair and slim figure. Good heavens. I haven't told him, because he wants to be friends and I want too. It wouldn't be bearable if he'd have to leave. So I... I think that if I could fall in love with Graham.. I could just be George's friend." 

"But you can't compare the two of them." Dean warned. "If you still love George, you'll try to find his traits in Graham and that is doomed not to work. So don't go to that date if you aren't sure you can let yourself think only that. And I know it hurts to hear, but George has moved on. He's engaged. So don't hurt yourself." 

Adam sighed deeply. "I know. Can you imagine, when he told me he's engaged I threw the beautiful mountain crystal dolphin he gave me into trash, only to go and dig it up after two hours. It was so lame!" 

"No it wasn't. It hurts to see someone you love to love someone else. I know that. So I say, you go get that Graham and let go of Georgie." Dean laughed. 

"I will, thanks! Oh, I answered your boss the other day by the way. He said you'll have a client on Wednesday at two p.m. Don't miss it! Okay gotta go lunch is over!" Adam ended the call, but before that Dean could hear someone asking Adam to hold the elevator. Busy day. 

Dean dropped the phone to the couch and watched as the battery died. Perfect timing, he thought sourly, getting up in hopes to get some coffee. He wondered what Aidan's surprise could be. He certainly deserved nothing, but felt happy nonetheless. 

CHOOSE. The voice in his head screamed. Dean pushed it away, pouring water into the coffee machine. Choose. Yes he had to do it. Yes it would hurt. But only the thought of the broken expression on Aidan's or Richard's face was too much. Wonder what the reality would be like. 

SELFISH. SELFISH. The voice whispered angrily. Dean snapped the machine on. 

"I know."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay folks! I'm sorry about the delay again. I can't even explain it. But from now on the rest of the chapters will come in max. three days between each other so to say. That's a big promise. 
> 
> About the chapter, it's kind of a filler only. From here starts Dean's BIG down fall. But don't worry, I love Deano too much to really hurt him. (And Aidan wouldn't even let me to...) But there will be some really bad things ahead. Sorry about that. :0


	14. Burritos and misplaced calls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, as I promised, Dean's downfall starts. :( I feel so bad for Aidan, cuz he was head over heels for Deano. I wanna slap myself.

"What is that?" 

Dean turned to look at Aidan from the table, where he had been carefully trying to put cream into Aidan's cocoa. He glanced around in search of something unusual. 

"What's what?" He asked. Aidan had stormed in, whistling happily, about three minutes ago, telling Dean he'd be Dean's eternal slave if he just could get some hot cocoa with cream. 

Aidan had tied his hair back onto a ponytail--his hair was to his shoulders already, wildly curly and thick--and was wearing a white t-shirt with a pair of slim black jeans. He was frowning, and pointed at Dean's face. 

"Your cheek. It looks painful." 

Without thinking Dean raised his hand to touch his cheek, and immediately flinched away from it. Aidan walked to him, gently placing his fingers under Dean's chin to move his head. 

"That needs cleaning. Don't tell me you fell out there." He looked at Dean, worried and amused at the same time. 

"I did." Dean said shamefully, completely won over by the pair of chocolate brown eyes. 

"How clumsy can one man be?" Aidan wondered, taking the cocoa and sipping, giving Dean a thumbs up for the taste. 

"Very clumsy. Or actually, I wouldn't call it clumsy, I'd call it stupid." Dean shrugged, grabbing his own coffee mug and following Aidan to the hall. In the middle of the floor, there were two huge pots of yellow paint, a pair of paint-covered jeans and two brushes. 

"Adam mentioned you wanted your living room yellow. Now that's a color I like though it looks horrible on me and nearly every other man I know. Actually, only my mom can pull off yellow like it's nothing." He grinned. "But on walls, even a man's house can look good." 

Dean laughed. "Well, I certainly have been waiting to paint the ugly whitish grey away. It destroys my mood every morning. And it's peeling off. But you shouldn't have--the paint costs and I-"

"It didn't cost." Aidan said simply. "You haven't been to my place yet, but you will I hope. My bedroom is yellow--yeah, believe it or not--and this is what was left. Turned out I calculated the amount of paint I'd need completely wrong." 

"Your bedroom's yellow?" Dean asked incredulously. Aidan guffawed.   
"Yep. And my living room is red. My kitchen is blue. And my bathroom is pink. NOW-" he said loudly when Dean looked suspicious. "I know what you think. But the bathroom already was pink when I moved in. And it's pretty nice." He laughed as Dean rolled his eyes. 

"Well, as long as you don't try to paint any of my rooms pink, it's fine if you live in a Barbie house." Dean said casually, leaning down to grab a brush--and received a smack on his ass, that nearly made him fall head-first. He stumbled up and pointed the brush at Aidan as a sword. 

"Thou hath disgraced me." He said, carefully turning his behind away from the devilishly grinning brunette. Aidan swept the other brush up and took his fighting stance, eyes glimmering with joy. 

"Advance towards me, brethren." He said, dead serious. Then he was silent for a while, before adding: "It's like 'come at me bro' from the old times." 

Dean fought not to laugh, backing up a little, away from Aidan. He frowned. 

"I demand a trial--my honor is in danger in the eyes of my family, and my beloved." He said carefully, and Aidan's eyes widened slightly. 

"Beloved? Is he here?" He asked with a smirk. Dean looked around, through the window, and spotted the round, old mailman at his mailbox. He pointed. 

"There my fair maiden is." He said. 

Aidan snorted, but held his pose. He looked at Dean, and Dean felt the heat creeping up from under his collar to his neck and face. There was something in Aidan's eyes, something so entirely evil and amused that Dean felt nearly scared. 

"Well then," Aidan said slowly. "I think it's time I show your fair maiden that he doesn't stand a chance." 

Dean forgot his brush and the whole game as Aidan stood straight, taller than Dean had remembered, staring straight into Dean's eyes. Then Aidan, slowly, all the time watching Dean, lowered his head, looking from under his brow and grinning like a predator. His hair fell over his face, the shadows cast across his skin in a whole new way--his teeth and eyes glimmered, but everything else was in the dark. 

He looked like the devil himself. 

"Aidan?" Dean asked, his breath catching in his throat. This must be how rabbits feel when they stare straight into the wolf's eyes, he thought. 

And then Aidan moved. He moved swiftly, silently and rapidly, and the first second Dean stood frozen, staring at him, and the next he was in a tough position, pinned against the wall between Aidan's arms, his head pulled back from his hair as Aidan kissed him like he never had before. All Dean could do was to let Aidan do it and follow the best he could. The kiss was hungry and rough, almost violent, but in a good way. Aidan leaned against Dean, their hearts beating in unison and so loud it was like music blasting through the apartment. Dean felt a small drop of blood roll down from his lip where Aidan's--or his--teeth had scraped it, but he didn't care. He raised his hands and pulled Aidan's hair free from the ponytail, letting the wild curls fall and tickle his face. He tangled his fingers between them, pulling and tugging, forgetting what it was like to be alone and not like that with Aidan. 

Aidan answered to the pulling with soft, low growls that vibrated through his chest, and raised his own hand to Dean's golden locks, placing the other to Dean's waist to pull him closer. His fingers slipped slowly under Dean's shirt, cold and tickly against Dean's heated skin, and he whimpered nearly pathetically, his knees going jelly. If he hadn't been in Aidan's iron grip, he would've fallen. 

"Dean," Aidan breathed, pulling away just a few inches. "Dean, I--" 

Dean shook his head, carefully pushing himself off the wall and walking the grinning Aidan into his bedroom. 

•••••••••••

"Shouldn't we paint my living room?" Dean asked drowsily, only his sky blue eyes visible from under the blanket. Aidan lay on his back, hands behind his head, smiling at the ceiling like it shared a secret just with him. 

"We should yes." He grinned. "But if we want to, that's a different thing."

Dean huffed, poking out his hand and slapping Aidan's ruffled head.   
"Whatever. But you know, you haven't commented on my bed." 

Aidan rolled to his side, looking confused. "What bed? This is a mattress."   
Dean laughed. "Precicely." 

"Well if you want a comment, I'll tell you. This is the most uncomfortable little shit I've ever laid my arse on. The only thing that makes it BETTER than any other bed I've ever occupied, is YOU." Aidan gave a small peck at Dean's nose. 

"Oh, sweet words. Let's see how long that's true before your back tells you how the world rolls." Dean grunted as he sat up, knowing his hair pointed at every direction possible, and few more. "I only asked anyway because I know how Adam would comment. 'Oh god Dean, you call this a bed? You can't sleep on this you'll hurt your back and then--'" Dean grinned. "Something like that." 

Aidan sat up too, stretching like a cat. "I can just imagine Adam saying that. His hands up in the air, too." 

"Just so." Dean nodded. "Want something to eat?" 

"Only if you cook. I've been eating pizzas and other horrible things for a long time now." Aidan yawned, not quite willing to leave the warmth of the bed--mattress--yet. Dean stared at him, the way his brown curls flowed down and danced around his face like they would've been alive. The way his muscles moved as he stretched. The way his eyes sparkled when he caught Dean staring. For a while Dean considered just--

"We should go back down and roll into a pair of burritos. With your blankets." Aidan said suddenly. "I like to do that when it's cold--no one resists burritos." 

"Not with you in between I'd imagine." Dean said. Aidan laughed, his nose wrinkling in an adorable way. 

The moment was ruined as the phone rang in the other room. Dean sighed, forcing himself up--Aidan followed, but took the blanket with him. "It's devilishly cold here." He explained happily. 

Dean rolled his eyes, and they entered the living room just as the call ended and the answering machine went on. Suddenly a cold feel of dread filled the room, at least for Dean, and somehow he knew what would happen next. He already turned and tried to push Aidan back into his bedroom, or to rush to the phone and slam it broken into the floor. But he didn't react fast enough. 

"Hello, Dean, it's Richard." Richard's low voice filled the room, and Dean felt more than saw how Aidan froze next to him. 

"I just wanted to call and make sure you're okay--your cheek did look pretty bad and I'm afraid my medical skills lack a lot.." In another situation, Dean would've smiled at this. But what came next made him feel like he'd never smile again.   
"You left quite quickly and I don't blame you for that, must've been quite a shock to wake up after two days. But I wanted to tell you I enjoyed Saturday and hope we can go again some day. Call me when you get this--you forgot your t-shirt here." 

The machine went silent, and it felt like all air had been sucked out of the room. Dean didn't dare to look at Aidan, but he stole a peak from the corner of his eye. Aidan looked stunned, working the pieces of the puzzle together, and Dean thought too, trying to come up with an explanation. Only he didn't, when Aidan's wide eyed expression changed into anger and hurt. The blanket dropped to the ground, as Aidan turned to go back into Dean's room. 

"Aidan-" Dean started, following the brunette and cursing himself--he couldn't curse Richard, he couldn't have known he was being cheated on too. "Aidan, I can-"

"Explain?" Aidan asked, calmly, but Dean knew it was just calm before storm. "I think I understood quite well. There was no client for you on Saturday, was there?" He pulled his shirt over his head and tied his hair back into the ponytail. 

"No." Dean said, desperate. So this is how it comes out? he thought. "But we only had dinner, seriously. And yes, I think it was meant to be a date but..." Dean didn't know what to say. 'I didn't feel anything?' But he had. He had felt something. "I was supposed to meet you.. But I.. fainted. And woke up two days after and-" 

"Now that would be ridiculous if I hadn't heard it from Richard." Aidan said. "I believe you. In this one." 

"So then-" 

"But you must understand me when I say that I feel really wrong at the moment." Aidan said quietly. "I don't like being lied to. I don't like selfish people." He turned to look at Dean, who was at loss of words. 

"I won't go telling Richard about us. You figure it out with him yourself. But keep in mind he's my friend." Aidan frowned. "Don't hurt his feelings." 

It was worse than Dean had thought. He could've put up with shouting and breaking things, but not with this calm, deep disappointment which he saw in Aidan's eyes and heard in his voice. Actually, Aidan's eyes were dangerously glimmery, like unshed tears forming a layer that'd flow down if he blinked. 

"Is it me?" Aidan asked suddenly, and the force in his voice almost knocked Dean over. 

"Y-you?" He asked, and Aidan nodded.   
"Was I too forward? Did I hurt you? Did I do something to make you feel bad or unsure? Please, please tell me if I did." Now Dean heard the tears in Aidan's voice. He also knew they were rolling down Aidan's cheeks, but he couldn't look. He didn't want to see. He hated himself. 

"No, you did nothing-" as soon as he had said that, he knew it was wrong. That's why Aidan had asked. Aidan had hoped that Dean had only cheated because Aidan had done something wrong. So that Aidan could apologize. But now there was no reason beyond pure selfishness for Dean to see Richard at the same time. 

Aidan understood that too. He let out a shaky gasp, and went past Dean, all the way to the front door. 

"Aidan, I'm so sorry, I meant-" Dean tried, and Aidan turned to look at him. He wasn't crying, but his eyes were red and glassy. 

"Promise me you won't hurt yourself, either." Aidan said. Dean was taken aback and could only stare, as Aidan opened the door and stepped out, and then he was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So. This chapter is kind of bad cuz I'm not good at handling these feelings (once had them my own, that's why) but I hope you'll like it as much as you can! ^^ and sniff I'm crying for Aidan I can so see his face...   
> Anyway, the next chapter. I don't know how many of you read these notes but you who do be warned--it MIGHT be quite a horrible chapter. I'm not sure yet if I'll go there, but if I do then watch out.


	15. The past comes haunting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just small sight into Dean's past. Maybe it will lighten up some details, though not all yet :) And maybe people who think Dean's being stupid fucker in this fic will understand him a little.

"It should've been you." 

Dean looked up from the small pile of earth in front of him--a pile of earth covered in flowers and letters and candles. There was a stone above it, a big stone with numbers and letters--Dean couldn't yet read, but he knew what it said anyway. 

"Mom?" He asked, staring up at his mother, who stood tall, looking down at him with an expression Dean only later understood was disgust. 

"Listen when I'm talking to you!" His mother hissed, glancing around--excluding the old man standing in front of a stone a few rows away, Dean and his mother were the only ones there. "It should've been you." She repeated, frowning and turning to walk away. Dean followed, but looked quickly back at the stone. 

"Bye, daddy." He said quietly, rushing to keep up with his mother. 

They sat into the car, and Dean fastened the seatbelt carefully. That's what daddy had always told him. He sat on the backseat, right behind the driver. He could only see the blonde curls of his mother, and the tense shoulders, rest was covered by the seat. 

"Are we going home, mom?" He asked, but didn't get an answer. Falling back on his seat, Dean let out a small sigh. He was used to his mother not answering, not anymore, not after dad left. Mom had become cold, uncaring, and everyone else had slowly dropped out. Grandparents, cousins, aunts and uncles, everyone gone--today Dean had seen them in the church. But none had talked to him, just nodded and said their goodbyes, fading into the rainy fog as soon as the coffin was covered. 

Dean looked at the views as they passed them, rain twisting them and making them somewhat dreamy. Everything looked dead, and Dean hoped it would've been sunny. Because now daddy would be all cold, and he remembered how dad had always hated cold, wearing thick sweaters and being sick every once in a while. And mother would maybe feel better if it would be sunny. 

Suddenly Dean remembered something his uncle had whispered to his mother before leaving with his own children. Dean hadn't been supposed to hear, but small and hidden as he were, he did. 

"He'll always be here, in memories. Just don't think that everyone else is a memory too."

Dean hadn't heard his mother's answer, but remembered uncle's disappointed face when he turned away. Mom had stayed in place, not answering to anyone anymore. Dean had tried, but no one had even glanced at him. 

"Mom, what did uncle Dan mean when he said dad will always be here?" Dean asked, hoping she would answer. She didn't, only tensing a little bit more and driving faster. 

When she stopped in front of their house, Dean only had time to open his seatbelt, when his door was pulled open and his mother tore him out of the car, leaving his left sleeve slightly torn. She pushed him into a run all the way to he door, and when it was open he was nearly thrown in, stumbling in his too big shoes and falling down. 

Dean looked up, confused, just in time to receive a stinging slap across his face. He cried out, more of surprise than pain, but it seemed to somehow satisfy his mother. 

"Don't ask stupid questions, you useless brat," she said. "It's your fault he died. It's YOUR fault. It should've been you." She looked away, rushing into the kitchen and leaving Dean on the floor, startled and trying not to cry. 

No one had ever hit him. Mother had been angry sometimes, but dad had calmed her down. And then she had apologized and hugged Dean and all had been well again. But this time, Dean felt like he wouldn't get any hugs. There was no dad to soothe her now. 

Slowly he climbed up and into his room, hoping and believing that one day mom would be happy again. So that Dean could be happy with her too, and dad could be happy, wherever he was. 

•••••••••

During the next few years Dean learned to live with pain. It could've come in any form, and he had long gotten over the surprise, had learned not to show pain or any other emotion. His mother would snap at him, make him do all the work in the house and beat him if he slacked. She would not help him do his homework, she would only tolerate him when he was being insulted or when she had to bear him when he passed her in the hall. 

She always hit him so that the bruises would not show to other people in school. Dean got himself into loads of trouble with other students, only to have the teacher call his mother and have her come over--only in school did his mother smile again, answer happily and look at Dean with worry instead of hate and anger. Dean knew the punishment at home would be terrifying, but for him it was worth it. 

Sometimes his mother didn't hit him. Maybe he was standing too far, or she was too tired to move. Then she'd insult him, laugh and tell him how he was a disgrace, a disappointment, a failure who didn't deserve to live. Who should've never been born. Dean listened, silently pleading her to stop, but she never looked at him. She didn't care. 

At nights, Dean stared at the calendar and waited for the day he'd be big enough that mother wouldn't hit him anymore. Big enough to go away. 

•••••••

It was the day Dean turned fifteen. He woke up, aching and tired, having listened his mother roam around the house drunk. The silence was rare and Dean enjoyed it, grunting as he sat up and trotted to the hall. 

In the hall, there were three big suitcases set next to the door. As Dean stared, wondering what they were there for, his mother emerged from the kitchen, halting at the doorway at the sight of her son. 

"They are yours." She said, and Dean flinched--she didn't sound angry. Just tired and sad. 

"Why?" Dean asked, though he knew already. He just didn't want to believe it. He refused to look at his mother. 

"I want you to move away." She said, and Dean couldn't quite believe what he heard--she was afraid. Finally he stole a good glance at her. She hadn't beaten him for a year, so he wasn't afraid of that anymore. He was afraid to see her, to maybe be able to forgive her. 

She looked weary, older than he had remembered. And for the first time in eight years, she didn't look disgusted to see him. But Dean didn't feel anything, just some sort of cold familiarity, but nothing warm or friendly. She had beaten it out of him.

"Okay," Dean said, knowing that neither could continue this any longer. 

She looked relieved, taking a careful step towards him. Dean flinched back, tensing and observing her every move as she walked to him. She raised her hand, and Dean was ready to duck when the tiniest of smiles lit up her face. Her hand wandered softly over Dean's cheek, catching a soft, golden curl and tucking it behind his ear. 

"You are so beautiful," she said quietly. "And you look just like him. So please... I just can't. I'm sorry. I wanted to love you. But it's impossible. I loathe myself for this, and always will, but we both know we can't continue all this." She cast her eyes down.

"Maybe you never should've started," Dean hissed, getting an odd sense of satisfaction at seeing her flinch. 

"Goodbye, Dean." She said and turned, hurrying away and leaving Dean alone, like so many times before. Only this time, as she turned her back, she also closed the door of the house in front of Dean. The door of the only home Dean had ever had. 

He took his time when he changed his clothes and stuffed some important little things into his bag. He didn't know where he'd go. He hadn't seen a single relative for eight years, and he had fought so much in school that he had no friends, people being more than terrified that he would snap and hurt them. He was alone, and sometimes he liked to blame his father. 

"If you would've stayed, I wouldn't be thrown out now, like garbage." 

But he knew it wasn't his father's fault. His mother just was that type of a woman who had drained all her love for one person, and that love had disappeared along with the person. There was none left for the unfortunate who were left behind. Blaming someone for dying was selfish, and Dean hated himself for ever thinking that. 

At the front door Dean turned to look at the hall. It was cold, no sign of people living in the house. All signs of Dean were gone, no photos, no drawings, nothing. It was like no one lived there, and it was partly true, only the ghosts of the happy memories accompanying his mother in the dark. 

Dean was glad when he closed the door behind him. 

•••••••

He stared down at his arm, at the belt tied tight around his bicep, the veins bulging under the marble pale skin. The boy kneeling in front of him, Kain or something, was concentrated in measuring something into a needle. His black hair fell over his relatively handsome face, his dark green eyes shining bright like two spots of green fire. 

"Are you sure now?" He asked, worry clouding his face, and Dean grinned. This boy was no one, not to be tracked down to anything that happened in the hell hole Dean lived in. There was no danger for him, yet he still worried. And Dean didn't care. 

"Go ahead already," he demanded, and the boy shrugged, poking the needle into the vein with a sharp and quick movement that Dean missed. He only felt the sting before everything exploded. He felt like he heard knocking from the door, though it was the middle of the night. He stared as the boy rose, brushing off dust and wandering to the door. The tv was the only light in the dark, casting the boy's shadow to the wall like a big monster. 

"Lock the door when you go."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't like writing kid abuse and violence or anything like that, but this is where this fic went and in order to some day finish it as I was supposed to I had to do this too. I'm just sad because I can think of small Dean all alone. :( oh goddd xD I'm so SORRY about all this angst, but I PROMISE it will be over in few chapters!!


	16. Change of events

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean is an ex-junkie, as you know. He has a past. He's still struggling with it. Slap him a bit and he's hit hard.   
> As the title says, change of events. :) I know not everyone will like where this is going, even less in the chapters to come. But hang on. I promised a happy ending, and I'm keeping that one :D

There was a knock on the door. It was persistent, loud and annoying, and Dean grimaced, willing the moron on the porch to go away. He knew he had been hiding for three days. He knew Adam had called. He knew Richard had called. He knew he was fired. He knew he was broke. But all he cared about was the fact that he had hurt Aidan. He had loaded all his own bullshit on Aidan, cried and been selfish in every fucking way. And then he had cheated. It was no excuse that he hadn't known what it was between him and Aidan. It had been clear enough. 

"Dean! Are you in there?" A voice called, and Dean was so surprised his head snapped up with a crack. It wasn't Adam. It was Luke. 

Dean took a deep breath, wondering who might've sent Luke to come and get him. Whoever it was, he wasn't going to open that door. 

"Dean! Look, if you are in there know that you're worrying all of us. I don't know what's going on and I don't need to know, but Adam's been hanging on my sleeve for two days now. I don't have time for that. I'm going to be a father, probably this week. I've got a wedding to plan on, and for crying out loud Hunter's room still needs those curtains! Just... Give Adam a call. It's not fair to cut your best friend out like this." 

Dean bit into his sleeve as the tears rolled down his cheeks. Funny, one would think all this crying turned a man into a pile of sand. 

"If you're in there.." Luke's voice continued. "I hope you are allright. I know what kind of a person Adam is. I know we all got our pasts. You've got yours too. Don't go there, okay? Start over." 

Dean listened as Luke left the porch, started the car and drove away. 

"Just a kiss", he whispered and started laughing. "It was just a kiss! You can't hate me for that, fucking asshole!" He grabbed the closest thing at hand and threw it, hearing the satisfying crash as it broke against a wall. He didn't care what it was. He hoped it would've been his own head. 

Maybe just a kiss wasn't that bad. Maybe it could've been sorted out. But the feelings he had for Richard were bad. The fact he had went on that date knowing Aidan was serious. The fact he was fucking alive was bad enough. 

Maybe his past wasn't so bad after all. The feeling of forgetting. Lying on a cloud above all the mundane shit. Getting rid of himself for a while. 

"It was Kain... Kain..." Dean leaned back, digging out his cellphone. "Kain Arterbury." He scrolled through his old contacts. Names that he had forgotten flashed by. Names, whose owners had long been six feet under. Names that had never meant anything. Names that probably had never had owners.   
And Kain Arterbury. Dean stared at the name. It was so easy to slide back. To forget.   
Do you want to forget? 

"I want to forget." He raised the phone to his ear. 

•••••••

"What?" Kain's voice was the same it had been. Though he had never sounded quite as surprised. Dean felt like laughing. 

"I asked, if you still sell it. I know all that bullshit about being illegal and-"

"No no, I've still got it... Who were you again?" Kain asked. A real junkie. 

"Dean O'Gorman--look, I need it. Problems came up." Dean felt his heart beat so fast it could explode. He knew that if he sounded the least bit uncertain, Kain would end the call. 

"Don't they always, brother..." Kain mumbled. "Great, okay. You're that angel boy?" 

"The what?" 

"Oh yeah, the one with blonde curls and blue eyes? With mommy issues?" 

"Just that.." Dean sighed. "You've got a good memory." 

"Got stuff to keep it clear. Where are you?" Dean heard the smile in Kain's voice, and remembered a flash of it from under the black hair. It was a nice smile. 

"Well, that's the problem.. I'm in London." Dean gritted his teeth, waiting for Kain to laugh and say it wasn't going to work. Kain was in New Zealand. Other side of the world. 

"Wow." Kain sighed. "This raises a question. How bad do you need it?" 

Dean thought about it. He thought about the disappointment in Aidan's eyes. The hurt, the anger. Same he had always seen in his mother's eyes. He thought of Richard, who had no clue what the hell was going on, who didn't know why Aidan was upset and why Dean avoided him like plague. He thought about Adam, and the accusing look he shot to Dean every time he saw him with Aidan. He thought about Elijah, who had waited for him to come and read him more stories. To be his replacement-dad. And last, he thought of his mother. 'You're a pathetic failure'. 

"Really bad." Dean said, with determination that left no room for suspicion. He needed to get out. 

"Then get your ass over here." Kain said. "If you got money to get there, you can get back here too. The first'll be on me then." 

"Deal. See you in two days." Dean ended the call. He sat in the dark, feeling oddly light about his decision. He'd get out. He'd leave all this behind. It was the solution of a coward and a pathetic loser, but that's what he was, wasn't it? 

Dean scrolled to Aidan's name and stared at it. The name was so familiar. It meant safety. It meant happiness. Warmth. Yet it was just a name. 

"I owe you this," he said as he pressed call. 

As he had guessed, it went straight to voicemail. Dean sighed. 

"Aidan, it's me. I need to explain. I know you don't want to hear this, but I HAVE to say it. I have feelings for Richard too. I kissed him. I went on a date with him while I was with you and there's no fucking excuse for that and I'm not going to make any. But I love you. I do. I don't know about Richard, but I can say that... It was an experiment that went wrong. I never wanted anyone to get hurt. In the end this is just me pouring shit down my own back. This is what I deserve--Aidan I'm a JUNKIE. I'm not what I'm trying to be here. I'm a failure. I know you hate me and I'm not doing this to get pity-points. I don't want to be pitied. I want you to know I'm sorry." Dean inhaled and forced his voice calm. 

"Goodbye, Aidan." 

He closed the phone. If he had ever been sure of anything, it was that he'd go to New Zealand. He'd go down the road he had spent years trying to get off of. And he would not be coming back. 

Dean smiled, picking a number and raising the phone to his ear for the final time. 

"Hello, this is Dean O'Gorman. I need a ticket to New Zealand." He listened for a while, playing with the hem of his shirt. 

"One-way."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have warned you and I'll warn again. Dean WILL go down and hit the rock-bottom before the end. It'll maybe be tough to read. But I know that people don't get through shit by locking it away and refusing to face it. I know it and I'm using that knowledge in my story.   
> But awwh I'm so sorry everyone T . T When I started this story I wasn't aiming for quite so dark an outcome... XDD sorry!!


	17. Back to Hell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So. The downhill continues. I added some nice Lee there to lighten up a LITTLE and also I made Kain nicer than the original plan was. :) I'm sorryy!! Don't hate me. You have to hit the bottom to be able to come back up again.

Kain had remained awfully silent during the whole story. He sat opposite to Dean, with a serious expression, not making a sound or a move to interrupt Dean. His bright green eyes were locked into Dean's, and a few strands of black hair hung on his face, free of the long ponytail. Dean didn't know why he was telling his story to Kain. Maybe it was the fact that Kain felt so familiar. Like a friend from childhood. 

Dean had arrived in New Zealand no more than five hours ago, with no place else to go than Kain's apartment. He had been surprised to see the other already waiting at the airport, but even more that Kain had not changed. Not with a day. The same slim figure, long black hair and cold green eyes. They had barely exchanged smiles before going to Kain's car. 

"This is awkward." Dean mumbled, and Kain let out a hiss, leaning back on the couch and freeing his hair from the ponytail. 

"It's fine. I'm glad you told me." He stretched his arms and gave Dean a grin. "You've been busy, and you only were there for like a month." 

"Nearly two." Dean said weakly. "I don't even know why I'm telling you all this. It's not like I know you or remember you well or that we were ever friends." 

Kain nodded slowly. "True. But I guess we all need someone to talk to, and right now I'm the only one who can listen." 

"Yeah. Well, enough with the deep shit. Do you-" 

"Wait a second!" Kain raised a hand to silence Dean. "Do these people know that you're here? Is there a chance you... that you wouldn't do this? That someone might worry over you?" 

"Well yeah. I think someone will. But it really isn't their business. And I think that.. I did what I could." Dean blushed. That was far from truth and he saw that Kain thought so too. 

"Dean, I'm not going to give you anything before you give someone a call and tell them what's going on. At least part of the truth. I don't want to be cleaning up your mess. Seriously. I don't want people looking for you and coming after my head." 

"I understand." Dean nodded. "But I can't just call and say that I failed to stay clean." 

"I'm not asking you to. Call, send a message, say you took a trip to New Zealand. See some family or old friends, whatever. Make it so there won't be questions. Then I'll help you. Though you should know-" Kain leaned forward, frowning. "that I don't really like this. I liked you back then. We were in the same boat. Abandoned and broke. Alone. There was a reason for drugs back then. But now. Your reason to go through hell again is because some relationship you screwed up in London. Tell me, did you try to fix it? What did you do to make things right?"

Dean stared. He hadn't really done anything, and Kain knew it. Dean had told him his story. 

"I'll make the call." He said sternly, and Kain stood up, leaving him alone. 

"Who the hell am I going to call?" Dean mumbled, staring at the screen of his cellphone. Aidan was out of question. He hadn't reacted to Dean's message in any way, and Dean felt the small pieces of his heart scratch against his insides. Aidan didn't care. Richard was out of question too. Dean had thought to go to him at first, to explain and maybe ask for advice, anything, but on his way he had seen Richard come out of a restaurant. That same restaurant where he had taken Dean that night when everything fell apart. And behind Richard, there had walked that pretty black haired waiter, Aaron. Dean didn't really know what was between them or if there was anything, but he didn't really feel like going to confess cheating to both Richard and Aaron.   
He couldn't even call Adam. Adam was furious, Dean knew it. And Adam knew he had no family and no 'good' friends in New Zealand. He'd come and drag Dean back to London, all the way lecturing him about his mistakes, like he already wasn't aware of them. 

Dean scrolled through the numbers and stopped at Luke. Luke had seemed like an honest, trustworthy person to him from the very beginning. But Luke was one of Adam's best friends. If Adam went asking, Luke would not think twice about telling him. So no calls for Luke. He scrolled down a little more and stopped at Lee. He didn't know much about the guy, but it went both ways. Lee would have no idea if Dean had family in New Zealand or not. 

Lee answered after the first ring. 

"Hiya Deano! How are you?" He sounded happy and somewhat busy, Dean could hear him writing something on a computer, incredibly fast. 

"I'm great, how's it going there?" Dean asked. 

"You sound off," Lee marked, "but it's fine here. What a little busy with half the workers sick. What can I do for you?" 

"Erm, well.. I wanted to inform someone that I took a quick trip to New Zealand--some problems with family. I couldn't reach Adam right now and I won't be able to get to phone for a while so, if he asks I'm ok." 

"Oh, sorry to hear mate. Hope everything works out. Give my best to your family. I'll tell Adam you're alive if he asks." Lee said. 

"Thanks. I'll see you around." Dean said, and Lee laughed. "See you." 

"All done?" 

Dean turned to see Kain leaning against the far wall, arms crossed. His eyes looked like two pits of green fire. 

"All done." Dean nodded, turning off the phone and placing it on the table. 

"Are you really sure?" Kain asked. "You'd be doing it alone. I got business to take care of and I can't stay." 

"I'll be fine." Dean said. "And I'm sure. Doesn't the fact that I fucking flew here from the other side of the planet prove it enough?" 

Kain frowned. "Don't mess up my place then or you're out. Wait here, I'll be back in an hour."

••••••••

Dean stared at the needle. He had sat in the same position for three hours, and it was as dark outside as it got. Kain had been away for some time already, leaving right after showing Dean how to do everything right and making sure he knew. Kain had not said a word about London anymore, just smiled sadly and patted Dean's shoulder before leaving. 

Everyone seemed to pity Dean. Richard had looked like that when Dean had woke up with a bruised and scratched cheek. Aidan had looked like that when he had left Dean's house after the big revelation. Adam had looked like that when Dean had struggled with his problem. Luke had sounded like that behind his door. But Dean didn't want to be pitied. He didn't want to drive himself into situations that made others feel sorry for him. 

"You were right, mom," Dean said and smiled. "I am a failure. And useless. It just took me all these years to figure that out." 

He reached for the needle and tightened the belt around his bicep. After taking a deep breath he poked the needle in.


	18. Tea Therapy and a plan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A bit lighter chapter. :) Kain is a friend and comes up with a plan while Dean fights with his own monsters. From THIS CHAPTER ON IT ALL GOES UP!!! :)))

It was dark. Way too dark. Even the TV wasn't on, and the only, tiny patch of light came from the small crack between the thick curtain and the window. The room was full of shadows, and they seemed to be moving, forming screaming and laughing faces and whispering Dean's name. 

Dean was lying on the floor, eyes glassy, breathing heavily. His head was surring with empty thoughts and memories, and he understood with some difficulty that he had not forgotten anything. The bad feeling had just gotten worse. 

"Oh gods.." He muttered, rolling around and tangling a hand into his golden curls, now damp with sweat. 

Suddenly the nightmare came back. Dean was withering in his own misery, when the reality of the situation struck him. An empty house. No light. Just shadows, and him. Alone. 

Dean shot up, faster than he had believed would be possible, and looked frantically around. His breath hitched. 

"Aidan?" He whispered, eyes wide and pupils dilated. "Aidan!" His heart was beating faster and faster, he was covered in cold sweat and couldn't control the sobs anymore. With a soft whimper he started crying, tugging at his hair and screaming. 

"I'm sorry! Aidan I'm so sorry!" He shouted at the empty room, completely ignoring the hurried steps on the porch, the light as the lamps were put on, and only raised his head when a pair of arms wrapped around him. 

"Kain?" He sobbed, and Kain flashed him a small smile. He was a bit pale, his long black hair ruffled and falling over his face as if after a run. But he looked relieved to see Dean. 

"I'm sorry Deano, for leaving you alone. I never should've." Kain said, tugging at Dean's sleeve and petting his hair. "I will be here with you now. Okay?" 

"Okay." Dean felt like a little kid, despite the fact Kain was much more frail than him. But Kain just pressed his head against his shoulder and drew some soothing circles on his back. Dean didn't notice, but Kain was looking at the used needle with hate and anger. 

"Hey, would you like some tea?" Kain asked suddenly. Dean raised his head and looked at the wet spot on Kain's shirt with shame.   
"That's just tears I swear," he laughed weakly, and Kain waved it off. 

"And tea? Why tea?" Dean asked, trying to focus his brain on the situation. Kain blushed a little and shrugged. 

"Isn't that.. What they drink in London?" He asked quietly. 

Dean laughed. This time, it was genuine and happy, a little surprised. Kain seemed to be startled of it, his eyes going wide. 

"Yeah, that's what they drink, I guess. Tea sounds good." Dean smiled. Kain returned the smile, standing up and scooping the needle off the floor. 

"But not Earl please," Dean said hastily, remembering the weird tea he had drank in London and hated it. 

Kain turned to look at him, and his expression was very suspicious. 

"Who?" He asked. 

"No, I mean, no Earl Grey." Dean said. Kain still looked mystified. 

"I wasn't going to invite anyone else," he said slowly, and Dean laughed again. Apparently Kain didn't have Earl Grey in his cupboards. 

Kain smiled cautiously, looking at the needle and at Dean and shaking his head, disappearing to the kitchen. 

Dean stood up from the floor, his head still feeling a little dizzy but otherwise everything seemed to be fine. He went to the linen closet and grabbed a towel, heading to the shower. 

He stood under the burning hot water for what seemed like a good long hour, letting the water wash away the last remnants of the drug haze. He felt sad, but not as terrified as he had. He knew that he shouldn't have used the drug alone. He couldn't be alone. 

"Deano! The tea's done!" Kain shouted from the kitchen, and Dean turned the water off, quickly drying himself on the towel and throwing on a fresh pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt. 

"What tea is it?" He asked as he entered the small kitchen. Kain was sitting on the table, his hair brushed tidily to his back, wearing a dark green sweater and black jeans. He grinned. 

"I only got that 'Earl Grey' thing in the kitchen. I had it but I didn't use it. Here, try." He held out a mug, and Dean took it, sipping and looking surprised. 

"This is really good. What is it?" 

"It's normal tea. I mean, it doesn't... Whatever. But I put some honey there. So it won't be so bitter." Kain said, jumping down from the table. He patted a chair. 

"Sit down. I'll make you some food." 

Dean sat, staring out of the window and warming his hands on the cup. It was beautiful outside, green and quite warm. In London it would probably be snowing and cold already. And Aidan would be most likely doing snowmen with Elijah behind the bookshop. Richard would change his stylish jacket into a thicker one, and probably give it to Aaron if the waiter boy felt cold. Adam would be cursing the cold every morning, because he hated it. 

"Why are you crying?" Kain asked softly, and Dean flinched, raising a hand to touch his cheek and noticing it was wet. 

"Sorry," he mumbled, but Kain wouldn't take it, sitting down opposite to Dean and smiling. 

"Tea and therapy. Sort of. Tell me." He said. 

"Well... I don't belong here." Dean said. "I don't think I belong anywhere. And I don't want to complain about it because people are tired of listening to it. I don't want to lose everything for my past." 

"But you have to go through it. Really do it. I did. I don't touch that stuff anymore--I had it left because I still, unfortunately, owe some people. But when those debts are done I'm free." Kain smiled. "Seriously. The people who can't listen to you and try to understand are not worthy of your time or your life." 

"But what if I want them to be?" Dean asked, frowning. "I mean, how would you react if you had to spend time with a junkie who's crying every other day?" 

"I would listen and help the best I could. But maybe I'm a bad example, having been in the same situation before." Kain shrugged. "What else?" 

"It'll be Christmas in two weeks." Dean sighed. "And you'll be going to your family, am I right?" 

"Yep. Some distant relatives who haven't lost their hope in me yet." Kain laughed. "I'm sorry. You can come too I guess." 

"No way I'm coming to ruin your Christmas." Dean shook his head. "Jesus I'm depressive. How the hell did I end up into this crappy situation?" He sipped his tea again. Was he really that depressed? Yes he was. He had hurt the only guy he had ever really loved. He had hurt Adam's best friends, broken so many promises and acted so incredibly selfish. Just like his mother had once. 

"Gee Deano." Kain sighed. "It'll all turn out fine. We'll get you through this shit. With tea." 

"Lots and lots of tea." Dean smiled, shaking his head. "Do you still have it?" 

"Of course I do." Kain looked slightly hurt. "And if we run out of it I'll go buy more." 

"What?" Dean's head snapped up. "Is it that easy?" 

"Easy?" Kain frowned. "Yeah. I walk into the store and go to the tea aisle and-" 

"Not tea!" Dean interrupted. "I didn't mean tea." He blushed warm as Kain shot him a sharp look. 

"Dean. Is it really wise to go down that road again? I can't leave you alone in that situation for a second and I have a life. Seriously. Why can't you just... call and apologize again? Or something. It was.. I mean I'm not trying to say your problem is small or anything, but-" 

"See?" Dean said bitterly. "You don't understand. I need to suffer. I earn to suffer." 

"Jesus Christ." Kain inhaled sharply. "What are you? A martyr? Exactly how long are you planning to suffer? When have you punished yourself enough? It wasn't just your fault!" 

"Yes it was!" Dean said angrily. Drugs always made him moody, and that made him even angrier. "I could've said no! But I liked it, being liked or loved or whatever the hell it was! So I just went on with it and probably hurt each of them while at it! Even a little boy! I promised to spend time with him because his father is dead just like mine and I never saw him after that one day! I'm a piece of shit." 

"That you are." Kain said darkly. "But there are worse people out there. Don't do this, Dean. Let me help you. Seriously. And I kind of owe that stuff to other people and I can't use it all on you." 

"Use it all on me.." Dean leaned back on his chair. "Is this what I get, after flying here from London? A nice no and an offer to spend Christmas in some fucking shithole with people who loathe me and what I am? And drink tea every day and talk about my broken heart and black soul and how I was really good with my nice guy play in London until it all fell apart? Am I supposed to-" Dean's head snapped to the side as Kain's fist connected with his jaw. 

"Shut up!" Kain nearly screamed, his face paler than the snow in London. "Shut up! You are NOT like this! Fucking think! Use that brain I know you have it!! And never," he leaned closer to Dean. "Never insult my family." 

Dean stared, touching his sore cheek. Kain was nearly hyperventilating, falling back to his chair and holding his aching hand. 

"Oh god," Dean breathed. "I'm so sorry. I'm sorry--I didn't mean what I said. It's just... Please. I need that drug. I need it, I can't sleep... I can't sleep and I see all those faces that are laughing.. And screaming. And I can't SLEEP. I just want to sleep." Dean pressed his face to his hands and ripped at his curls. "I'm so sorry." 

Kain looked at him warily from the other side of the table, calculating and forming a plan Dean couldn't see. Then he sighed, giving Dean a small, sad smile. 

"Okay, Deano. I'll give it to you." 

••••••••

In the evening, Kain sat opposite to Dean in the livingroom and tied the belt around his bicep. With ease he found a vein and pushed the needle in, not saying a word during the whole process. He sat with Dean and soothed him when he started crying, and finally, when Dean fell into a light sleep, Kain stood up, grabbed Dean's phone and moved into the bathroom to make a few calls.


	19. Kain's plan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just read it. :)

"Dean." 

Dean turned his head away. He had lost track of time, but he had been at Kain's for at least a week now. And every day he fell deeper into his own, personal hell. His life was all shadows now, surreal and foggy, like a terrible nightmare that had been left on even after he had woken up. 

"Dean! Look at me for Christ's sake." Kain demanded, and reluctantly Dean let his head fall back, peering at Kain from the corner of his eye. 

Kain stood in the hall, arms crossed, looking beyond furious. In his haze Dean didn't give a second thought to it, but the ever-sensible part of him shrunk back under the wrath. 

"You took it yourself today, didn't you?" Kain asked quietly. The disappointment in his voice was clear and it hurt. "We had a deal. Once a day and you'll let me do what I can to make you quit." 

"Didn't work." Dean mumbled, frowning. The walls seemed to be melting. Didn't Kain notice the enormous green ant behind him? And what on earth was that cackling sound from under the floor? 

"Didn't-" Kain took a deep breath and counted to ten. "Fine. I need to go somewhere, I'll be back later." He snatched the keys from the side table, stuffing them into his pocket.

"You... Said you'll never leave me. Again." Dean struggled to form the words as his brain was constantly three steps ahead, thinking about other things a second after the previous one. Was that Aunt Harriet and her ridiculous purple umbrella? 

"Yes well. I will be back before night. Before the time we AGREED to. You broke your promise. I have to get food for myself. I won't be long I promise, but the shops close in half an hour." Kain said. 

"Can't you... Go tomorrow?" Dean asked, trying to fight the fact he didn't really care at the moment. 

"I didn't go yesterday, and I haven't eaten in two days to keep you company. I would've gone earlier if I had known about this." Kain huffed, annoyed. "Will you stay alive?" His phone beeped and he checked it, a small smile lighting up his face. "I need to get going." 

"Bye." Dean muttered, closing his eyes. Something definetly wasn't right. He was sure he had just seen his father. He didn't even flinch when the door clicked as Kain locked it to keep Dean inside. He didn't feel anything, as the melting walls formed ponds to his feet. He saw his own face in them, and nearly laughed. His hair had grown, the golden curls nearly as wild as Aidan's now. He had lost weight, and his skin was the unhealthy color of grey and white. His eyes, rimmed with red, shone feverishly bright, like two pieces of burning, blue summer sky. 

After what seemed like a lifetime of Aunt Harriet's umbrellas and giant ants dancing around, Dean was splashed out from his drugged world by footsteps on the porch. He frowned. It seemed like someone was running. Why would Kain run? Except maybe those big ants were outside too. Maybe they were hungry. Dean wished Kain would make it inside. But still, it seemed wrong. There were clearly the sounds of more than one people outside. Dean stiffened, trying to get the fog to move away. The moment froze into a huge piece of fragile, immobile glass, as Dean waited.

"Dean!" 

Dean's world shattered completely. It was like someone had poured cold water with ice all over him, and his senses sharpened into something abnormal for a human. But no. It couldn't be. It was just impossible. 

"Dean! Come on, open this shit!" The last sentence was spoken to someone else clearly, the voice more muffled this time. 

Dean sat frozen, not even noticing the tears and the sobbing, nor the wild trembling of his hands that had started immediately as he had heard his name.

It wasn't Kain's voice. 

The keys rattled against the lock, and someone was desperately beating the door, as if trying to kick it in. Finally Dean heard Kain's voice too, impatient, as he said:   
"Jesus, I'm OPENING it, quit destroying my property!" 

And then the door flew open, and a bright patch of daylight surged into the hall. Dean had to narrow his eyes to see, but he had already heard enough. His breath escaped him in a rush, and tears blurred his vision completely. 

It was Aidan. 

Aidan stood on the porch, trying to adjust his eyes into the darkness of the house. He was pale, his dark brown hair very long already, tied back into a loose bun. His eyes were wide and filled with panic, when they finally landed on Dean. 

There was no telling later how he had done it or what had happened in between, but suddenly Dean was wrapped into a tight hug, Aidan's uneven breathing warm against his skin. With a jolt Dean understood Aidan was crying, cradling Dean against his chest and whispering soothing words and apologies into Dean's ear.

"I'm so sorry, Dean," Aidan said, tangling his fingers into Dean's hair. "Oh god, I'm so sorry.." 

Dean frowned. But it couldn't be true. The drug was mocking him, giving him what he wanted the most only to snatch it away and leave Dean alone into the pitch-black pit he had dug for himself. He couldn't take that. Not again.

"You aren't real." He said, as strongly as he could. Aidan moved immediately back, placing his hands on both sides of Dean's head and pressing their foreheads together. 

"I'm real. I'm here. I'm so sorry, Dean. But I swear to you, I'm real. And I will never let this happen again. I'm HERE." Aidan said, slowly, willing each of the words to reach Dean and make him understand. 

Dean raised his hands and clutched the front of Aidan's shirt. Aidan was solid. He was warm. He smelled like cigarettes, soap and coffee. And fresh air. He smelled like Aidan. His eyes were like soft chocolate, and the loose curls tickled Dean's face in a way no drug could create. 

He was real. 

Dean pressed his face into the crook of Aidan's neck, gripping at his shirt so hard his fingers went through the fabric and left bruises into Aidan's skin. But Aidan didn't care, he clung onto Dean all the same. The time disappeared from the world along with the sun, with the darkness, with all the memories and surroundings, leaving just the two of them. And that was enough. 

"I love you, Dean," Aidan whispered against Dean's shoulder. 

"I love you too," Dean answered, the fog finally starting to creep away. He looked up from where his face was buried against Aidan's neck, and spotted Kain, who was trying to sneak out of the room to leave the two of them at peace. Kain sensed him watching and turned with a smile. Dean returned it. 

"Thank you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so happy now!! I finally got to write this!! It's short I know. There will be more explaining and such in the next chapter, but I HAD TO get this out. Had to. :)


	20. Not a chapter, a request <3

Not a chapteeerrr!!!   
(But I seriously hope you'll read this anyway:))  
Aaand the NEXT CHAPTER comes later TODAY so no worries about that!!! 

Anyway. 

This story is coming to an end (not yet though, still few chapters left^^) BUT I am not intending on leaving anywhere. I want to start a new story, naturally. :D 

So what I'm asking is that all you dear ones that have read this story and liked or even loved it, tell me! What would you like to see in the next story? WHO would you want to see in the next story? I really want to hear from you so that it'll be even greater for you to read! ^^ all suggestions are read and used if there's even the slightest chance for it! 

Because YOU guys are what's important here. This story would be nothing if no one read it, but you did and you liked it and that means so much to me! (I want to write a book one day, you see ^^)   
This story would've died to its first chapter without all of you so I'm thankful you gave it a chance!! Hugs!! <33 I love you all!! 

Aaand that's basically what this little rant was about.. XDD 

To be clear, this story will NOT end yet in the next chapter!!! And not even to the one after that!! BUT it won't take long anymore and I need to start thinking about the next one to get it out as soon as possible. That's why I put this here now. :)


	21. The problem that was actually simple

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aidan and Dean go it through. Turns out both overreacted--the problem wasn't so big--just two insecure people in love made it so :D

It had been quite a task to get Dean to loosen his grip on Aidan and stuff him into shower. He definetly didn't want to, and refused quite loudly when Aidan tried to move. He was still in an unbelieving state, but after Aidan had promised to stay right behind the door, and sing loudly--and off-note too--Dean had agreed. So now he stood under the warm water, listening as Aidan sung the Misty Mountains song from the Hobbit. Jesus, it seemed to have been years ago when they had gathered at Adam's to watch the movie, and it had only been a few weeks. 

Dean stole a glance at the mirror and blushed. He had been grinning like mad ever since Aidan had started singing. Of course he knew that things weren't perfect between them yet, but at least they could work it out. And nothing else mattered. 

"Dean!" Aidan said from behind the door. "Hurry, my throat hurts already!" 

"Sorry, I'm coming!" Dean answered, climbing out of the tub and wrapping the enormous towel around his waist. He didn't want to touch his clothes--god knew how long he had been wearing them--so he pulled the door open, trying not to think how his hair would look like. 

Aidan stood right where he had promised to, smiling just as widely as Dean, and holding out his hand for him. Dean took it, squeezing and laughing a little. 

"You look like one of those Greek gods." Aidan laughed. "That towel covers your toes too." 

Dean looked down and sighed. "At least I'm not wearing a pair of bunny socks." 

"Oh yeah, those. Your face was adorable back then." Aidan grinned. "Go change, I'll be in the kitchen. Kain said something about tea." 

Dean rolled his eyes. "Of course he did. I'll be down in a minute." 

Aidan nodded and disappeared to the stairs. Dean ran to the guest room, pulled on a pair of jeans and a sweater, drawing a comb through his wild hair. He felt like Aidan could disappear any second if Dean left him alone. A stupid reason to be afraid, but he couldn't help it. 

Aidan was sitting on the kitchen counter, staring dully ahead, but his face brightened as soon as Dean appeared on the doorway. Kain set a pair of mugs on the table and glanced at the clock. 

"Okay guys. I'll leave you two to talk. Just want to say I'm glad that you came, Aidan." He said with a smile. Aidan answered it and waved a hand. 

"It took me a while, I had my phone turned off because.. well. I was miserable. I would've come even sooner had I known." He turned to look at Dean, all serious. "Dean's the most important person in my life. I just needed to notice it." 

Dean looked down, blushing and trying to hide his smile. Kain grinned and waved a hand, going to the hall, where he fumbled with the lock for a while. 

"I won't take the keys, don't disappear!" He yelled as he stepped out to the porch.

"Won't!" Aidan promised, jumping down from the counter and giving Dean a tight hug. Then he sighed, drawing a chair and nearly falling onto it.

"As much as I'd like to just forget, I can't. And I know what happens to relationships where all the shit is brushed under the carpet. In the end you can't pass the carpet anymore. So, we'll go this through, and we'll tell the truth." He said as Dean sat down too, his heart beating like a small animal's. 

"Are you ready?" Aidan asked, and Dean nodded, gesturing for Aidan to start. He wouldn't be able to talk yet. He felt like he'd never get a sound out of his throat, ever again. 

"Okay," Aidan said, scratching the back of his neck. "All was fine before that call. I didn't want to believe it at first, but your face confirmed my fears. And I understand that I should've asked right then and there what it was about. What was really going on. But I've only ever loved one person, and that's you. So I panicked. I froze. I felt really betrayed and horrible, because I didn't know if you loved me like I love you. I'm insecure like that." Aidan lauged. "Anyway. I also got a little bit angry. Richard is one of my best friends. I felt hurt but I didn't want him to be hurt too. And I certainly didn't want you to be hurt, so I was afraid about that too. That you'd hurt yourself. And you did." His chocolate eyes saddened as he looked down to Dean's arms. Dean cast his eyes down, ashamed and guilty. He reached out a hand and Aidan took it, squeezing tight. 

"I went straight home and closed my phone, because I was angry and afraid what I would say if you tried to call me. I told Martin I'd do some extra hours, and he was surprised but happy. I needed something else to think about, but soon enough I noticed that sitting behind a counter in a book store wasn't really enough. So I started drawing again. I didn't think anything, and it made me feel better. Until I noticed that everything I drew had something to do with you. It made me feel even worse. So I went to see Richard. Probably out of curiosity. Wanted to see if he knew already. He did. He had guessed. He told me that was part of what he had wanted to say if you would've called him back." 

"But he said he'd like to do it again. The dinner." Dean said, surprised out of his misery. Richard had guessed? How embarrassing. 

"Yes well, a soft landing of kinds I suppose." Aidan shrugged and grinned. "But then he told me he hadn't heard from you. For a week nearly. First I thought you had gone into hiding, so I met Adam at dinner. He was incredibly busy--him and Graham, that didn't work, but he's with Orlando." Aidan smiled and Dean laughed. 

"Really? Cool!" He said. Aidan nodded. "And he's also helping Scarlett to arrange the wedding. The boy was born three days ago. Adam has spent the whole time in hospital with Luke and Scarlett--Luke doesn't want to wear a pink vest." 

"A pink vest?" Dean snorted. 

"Yeah. And I stand behind him at that." Aidan smirked. "Anyway. Adam told me he had called you every day for several times and even went to your door, but you weren't there. He was incredibly angry with me." Aidan frowned. "And I understood it. He said I should open my phone and check it. Before I could, Lee barged in with balloons and flowers for the baby, that puppy-style he has, you know. He was so giddy about the baby. Then, in the middle of arranging the balloons around the room, he told us you had called. From New Zealand. You should've seen Adam's face! He went pale like a sheet and nearly screamed at me to 'fucking go and check your phone NOW'. It took a lot of convincing from me and Lee that he didn't buy tickets here at that second." 

"He gets like that," Dean said with a sad smile. He missed Adam and the others. 

"Indeed," Aidan rolled his eyes. "I ran home and opened my phone, and saw two messages. I listened to yours first and god I HATED myself. Then I listened to the other one. It was Kain. He told me you were at his place, he told me you were back to drugs. But he also told he has been giving you so tiny portions that you wouldn't become addicted in a week. But that I needed to hurry. To come to New Zealand. And I booked a ticket two seconds after that. Lesson learned here. I'll never shut my phone down anymore." 

Dean looked how Aidan leaned back on his chair, looking regretful but also relieved, having said what he had to and feeling better. Maybe it would work. But Dean's part of the story was a bit worse than an ignored phone. 

"Okay." He sighed. "My turn. I promise to tell you the truth, and I won't change anything." 

"That's all I want." Aidan said, and didn't let go of Dean's hand. 

"So. You know about my past. I've been truthful about it. I was never loved. My father loved me, but he died when I was so young I couldn't appreciate it. My mother beat me, didn't acknowledge my existence, insulted me and finally drove me out when I was fifteen. I met Kain, who was in a similar situation, but had a small place and, what's better, drugs. To forget. I made a deal with him to pay the shithole's rent and he'd share his drugs. Worked for a while. And then I went too deep. Kain got clean, got a job. He moved away. Didn't want to leave me but I forced him to go. I was so deep in all that." Dean sighed, refusing to meet Aidan's eyes, but Aidan squeezed his hand even tighter.

"So, when I came to London--you know what happened in between--I met all of you. You accepted me. You fell in love with me, and I fell in love with you. Richard... Probably didn't LOVE me, but cared for me. And I couldn't tell the difference after all I had been through. And it was overwhelming. Never been loved and suddenly there's friends and... I didn't know what to do, how to act. I knew I loved you. I didn't know what I felt for Richard, but something. So I said yes when he asked me to dinner. I wanted to try. I had ran into him a few times before and he had always saved my sorry ass in some way. Maybe I felt like I owed it to him. So I went. And... " Dean stole a glance at Aidan. He was pale, but looked determined. No secrets. 

"And I kissed him. And I felt something. And it confused me even more. And I fainted. The fever thing." Dean closed his eyes and frowned. "Woke up two days later. It was a nightmare. But when I got home," now he looked up, met Aidan's eyes with a steady certainty. "I had decided. No games. I'd tell Richard I loved you, and that I wanted to be his friend. I was overwhelmed by his looks, charisma and the fact he cared about me. But I didn't love him. Then I had a fight with Adam, I thought I loved both of you, and then you came by. And then Richard called."

The whole house was silent. Dean half waited for an explosion, SOMETHING to break it. Suddenly Aidan smiled. 

"Jesus. It was that simple after all." He sighed. "My mind created far worse scenarios. But here we see! How important the truth is!" He laughed, and a little uncertainly Dean joined him. 

"So.." He said. "That's.. It?" 

"Not yet." Aidan said. He stood up, leaned over the table and kissed Dean. It was a soft kiss full of love and it told Dean more than anything Aidan could say. That it was allright. 

"I love you, Dean O'Gorman. You remember that. And I'm sorry for the stupid things I did." 

"And I love you. And I forgive you, but more importantly I'm sorry for this. All-" Dean fell silent as Aidan raised a hand. 

"It's okay. You're forgiven. It's no use anymore to think about it too much. I love you too much to feel anything but happiness that you're allright." He grinned. "But promise me. No lies. No secrets." 

"No lies. No secrets. Cross my heart." Dean said. 

"And! To future," Aidan dug to his pocket and drew out a little suffered piece of paper. It had something written in gold on it, and Dean took it, already guessing what it was. 

"An invitation to the wedding." He smiled, reading the names and feeling happier than in a long time. And a little bit ashamed. It had been so simple after all. But no. He would not think about it. Not anymore. 

"Yeah. It says 'plus one', and so does mine, but you are my plus one and I'm yours." Aidan grinned. 

"No way! Then we would only be plus ones." Dean said. "I'll take that mail guy-" 

"Nope." Aidan shook his head. "You're all mine now. If I see that mail man looking at your mail box longer than what it takes to stuff the bills in, I'll hunt him down." 

"Can I do the same to your mail man?" Dean asked. "You do understand that you are mine as well." 

"Indeed. And I give you the full permission to hunt Ben down if you feel like it." 

"Ben? You KNOW him?" Dean laughed. 

"Don't you?" Aidan winked, already grasping at his phone as it started ringing. He checked the screen and grinned even wider. 

"It's Adam. Answer?" 

Dean thought for a moment and shook his head with a grin. He stood up, took Aidan's phone and placed it on the table. 

"Not right now," he said, leaning in and tangling his arms around Aidan. "That hothead can wait." 

"You know that wait will be long," Aidan grinned, all white teeth and brown eyes. 

"Exactly."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So! It was always not so big of a deal xD Aidaannnn saves the day. Of course he was hurt, even if it was just a kiss. But he understood Dean is more important.


	22. Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean comes back. London loves Dean. Richard understands and Elijah is cute xDD
> 
> So. This is quite a... Happy chapter. All is well again. Now what's left is... Just one more chapter :)) You'll see how the story ends. ^^

"Thank you." 

Kain looked up from the brochure--Dean didn't know why he felt the need to check on a page introducing green rubber ducks, ON SALE--and grinned. He put the brochure under his arm and swiped a strand of hair to his back. 

"About what?" He asked, arching an eyebrow. "I kind of made you to come all the way to New Zealand, and then tried to be a therapist--I didn't even know how to make tea." 

"I think the tea was fine," Dean lied, but Kain laughed, grabbing Dean's shoulder. 

"Don't try. Mine ended up in the sewer." 

Dean smiled. "Well. But that's not what I was thanking you for. I'm thankful you were there. I'm thankful for everything you did to help me. For the sympathy. For the tea. For the room. For you being my friend when I thought I was all alone." Dean took a deep breath. "And most of all I want to thank you for doing what I didn't have the nerve to do." 

"What? Call Aidan?" Kain looked to their right, where Aidan was buying their tickets back home. Funny. Dean already thought of London as home, and New Zealand as just a place to come to for a few days. 

"Yeah." 

"Well I can't see the reason behind that." Kain smirked. "That guy's the biggest teddy bear I've ever seen." 

"Teddy bear!" Dean let his breath escape him in a rush as he started laughing. "I guess that's what he is, if Lee's the big puppy." 

"Who's Lee?" Kain asked, curious, but Dean just waved a hand. 

"Anyway," Kain straightened and looked at Dean with a little sadness. "I must admit I was also a bit selfish, asking you here. I missed you. We went through an awful lot of shit together." 

"True," Dean smiled. "But that's past now. We'll never be normal friends, who met in a bar or in a hockey game. We've seen too much. But we are friends. And you are welcome to my place in London anytime you want." 

"Thanks, angel boy," Kain grinned, using an old pet name Dean had forgotten. 

"Angel boy?" Aidan asked from the side, holding the two tickets as a fan. His face was devilish to say the least. "That's perfect! Why didn't I think of that?" He looked at Dean with a glint in his eyes. "You are an angel." 

Dean felt himself blushing, and saw from the corner of his eye how Kain tried not to grin again. 

"Hardly," he mumbled, but as usually Aidan ignored it happily. He gave Dean the other ticket, looking down at him with so much love in his eyes Dean felt like the whole world could've exploded right there and then, and him and Aidan would've been left untouched. 

"If I'd be Harry Potter I'd beat Voldie during the first year with this amount of love," Dean said. 

"What on earth?" Aidan's eyebrows rose high, and Dean told him to forget. Aidan shrugged, turning to Kain. 

"Kain, I'm sure angel has thanked--" 

"Jesus Aid!" Dean blushed furiously. "I'm telling you I don't like that pet name!!" Aidan simply grinned knowingly to Kain, who answered with a small, amused hiss. 

"To continue. I'm sure Deano thanked you already, but I need to do that too. I... Messed up. I promised--maybe not in words, but I did--to protect Dean from all this. I failed. I won't fail again. But I'm eternally grateful that you helped him, didn't leave him alone. So. Whenever you feel like coming to London, my door--and his--will be open for you." 

Kain narrowed his eyes, searching Aidan's face. After a small while he relaxed, a bright smile lighting up his pale face. 

"Thank you. I shall. Just make sure the angel boy never has any other reason to visit me but to see an old friend." He ignored Dean's annoyed huff. Aidan laughed, but his face was serious. 

"I will." 

"Good. That's all I need." Kain smiled. "Now. When does your flight depart?" 

"In an hour. I said it was an emergency, and told the lady a heartbreaking story about saving a damsel in distress--" 

"For the love of god," Dean muttered. 

"-and she managed to squeeze us to the next flight. Especially when I told her we only had one suitcase." 

"Great." Kain looked at Dean. "I need to get going." He took a step forward and wrapped his arms around Dean. "Goodbye, Deano." 

"Bye." Dean smiled. "I hope to see you in London soon." 

"I'll come to your wedding!" Kain announced as he patted Aidan's shoulder. He was gone before Dean could say anything, disappearing to the noisy crowd like a small, fair child with long black hair. 

"He was shorter than I thought." Aidan pointed out. 

"He was shorter than I remembered." Dean grinned. 

"About that wedding--" Aidan started with a grin, but Dean raised a hand. 

"Let's get through Christmas and Luke's wedding first." 

"So that's a yes?" 

Dean smirked, tilting his head to the side. "I need a proper proposal, asshat." 

••••••••••

As the plane landed at Heathrow airport, Dean felt happier than ever. He felt fresh, and new, and he was completely in love. He poked at Aidan's sleeping head on his shoulder, and the brunette jumped up a good meter, looking frantically around. A smile settled on his face when he understood where he was. 

"Morning." 

"Evening." Dean rolled his eyes and gave Aidan a small kiss to his cheek. "You slept through the whole flight." 

"Goodness. You must've been bored out of your mind." Aidan looked half apologetic, half amused. 

"Not really. The lady on the next row had a good book." Dean smiled at the woman who smiled back, not knowing what was going on. 

"What book?" Aidan asked curiously. 

"Don't know the name. There was this girl named Clary, and apparently her brother Jace, and some guy called Magnus who seemed odd. Oh and then there was Luke and Simon I think." Dean said, having started the book from the middle and not really understanding it. "Seemed interesting."

"Bet you." Aidan yawned. He pulled their only suitcase down and they made their way out of the plane, along the tube and to the corridors. Aidan seemed to grow happier the closer they got to the main hall. His smile widened and he was nearly pulling Dean along. 

"What the hell is going on? Christmas won't run away from us," Dean tried, nearly running after the brunette. 

"No it won't." Aidan admitted, but didn't slow down. 

"Seriously Aidan, I'm tired-" Dean fell silent, freezing on spot, and Aidan allowed him to stop, looking incredibly giddy and proud, like Dean would've been the most precious thing in the world. 

Just opposite to them, on the other end of the hall, stood everyone Dean had learned to love in his short time in London. Adam stood at the front, arms crossed and tapping his other foot against the floor. His face brightened and he looked relieved as Dean appeared. Behind Adam stood Lee, holding a small package Dean couldn't clearly see. He seemed to be extremely happy to see Dean, nearly jumping on spot. Graham stood next to him, looking intimidating, but to Dean's surprise he too smiled. Jimmy, wrapped in a scarf twice his size and looking like he was going through a bad flu, grinned widely and nodded. Behind him stood Luke, arm wrapped around his wife, who was holding a tiny bundle in her arms. Luke wiped a strand of hair behind his ear and tilted his head to smile. Orlando was right next to Scarlet, laughing, but his eyes wondered to Adam from time to time. 

And finally, Dean swallowed as he turned his head a fraction to the right. Richard. Goodness. Richard was wearing an expensive suit, smiling calmly at Dean, like there was no one else between them in the crowded hall. And finally Dean understood. It wasn't love. It never had been. It was attraction to someone who was beautiful, friendly and safe. He smiled back. 

"Deeeaaannnnnn!!" A small voice screamed, and Dean turned back to the others. Adam looked like he had been pushed aside by Martin who was grinning happily. Small Elijah was running towards Dean, hands hidden inside the too long sleeves of his jacket. His black curls framed his face and danced around them, and his bright eyes were glimmering with child-like happiness. Dean crouched down just as Elijah jumped up and collided with Dean, slamming against his chest and wrapping his tiny arms around his neck. 

"Spare-dad!!" Elijah cried, kissing Dean's forehead and patting his cheek. "You were gone so long!!! I nearly finished the book myself!!" He laughed heartily and squeezed as Dean stood back up, only to find himself surrounded by the others. He blew some of Elijah's hair out of his mouth and smiled. 

"Hi." 

"Good to have you back," Luke smiled. Now he was holding the bundle. "I trust you got our invitation?" 

"None was needed!" Aidan said. "He's my plus one anyway." 

"We missed ya laddie!" Jimmy said. He DID have a flu, but his grin was as wide as ever. He was holding the other end of his scarf so he wouldn't step on it. 

Dean reached a hand to pat Jimmy's shoulder, noticing how Lee gave the small package to Aidan, who immediately pushed it into his pocket with a grateful smile. Then Lee turned to Dean, and the term 'overgrown puppy' had never seemed quite so accurate. He clearly jumped up and down as he tried to figure how to hug Dean without squeezing Elijah to death. Finally he ended up choosing the one-hand-man-hug, and Elijah giggled. 

"So good to see you!!" Lee nearly shouted. 

"It's great to see you too, Lee," Dean said back, voice muffled against Lee's chest. He only had time to take a breath, when it was already slammed out of him by Graham. 

"You made us worry," Graham grunted, but his eyes were bright with a smile. 

"Thanks--I mean, sorry!" Dean gasped, back aching after Graham's slap. 

"Dean," a voice said, and Dean turned to see Adam. Adam looked angry but also incredibly happy, head tilted to the side. Like a mother hen, really. 

"Why don't you go to Martin for a while now," Dean whispered to Elijah, who didn't look happy about it, but trotted to Martin obediently as Dean put him down, just in time as Adam lunged forward. He squeezed all air out of Dean and laughed like a mad man. 

"You stupid, stupid IDIOT!! Never make me worry like that!! We are FRIENDS!! There's nothing we can't settle and make right!!" Adam said, half angrily. 

"Sorry," Dean mumbled, embarrassed. 

"It's okay now." Adam sighed. He let Dean go and turned to say something to Aidan--Dean didn't hear what. He was now facing Richard. 

Richard gave him a small smile. "I think we should go a little further." 

Dean glanced at Aidan, who nodded with a smile before turning back to Adam.   
"Sure." Dean said, wrapping the jacket tighter around him and following Richard to the side. 

"Adam told me," Richard said immediately, and Dean had to think for a while to understand. His eyes widened, and he opened his mouth to say something, but Richard shook his head. "He only told me what was necessary, so I would understand. And I do, Dean. I... I mean, I felt attracted to you when we met. You are so different from the typical british people," he laughed a little. "And I wanted to try. I wouldn't have if I had known about Aidan... Really an embarrassing situation. But I talked it through with Aidan as well before he left to get you. I do love you, as a friend, and I'm sorry for my part. About what happened." Richard looked truly apologetic, and incredibly uneasy.

Dean smiled. "Don't worry. I understood that too. I was... Well. I wanted to love you, if you can believe me. But I didn't. Not more than as a friend. And I'm sorry too--you don't have to be. You did nothing wrong." 

Richard looked like he could argue with that, but decided to put it into the past, like Dean had. He smiled and squeezed Dean's shoulder. 

"If anything like this happens again, please remember that we are all your friends. We will listen and help you. You don't have to run from the country." 

"Point taken," Dean said and felt relieved, as Richard walked with him back to the group. They didn't need to talk about it anymore. Richard understood. Dean understood. There was no point in opening the wounds that were slowly healing.

"Allright! We've been here for some time now, let's head back." Graham announced, not quite liking crowded places. 

"Back where?" Dean asked, Elijah safely back on his arms. 

"To Adam's!!" Elijah said loudly. "He has a dinner!" 

"Again," Luke smiled. "The truth is his house is the only one big enough for all of us, especially now with the baby and Martin and Elijah." He ruffled Elijah's hair. 

"True enough, true enough," Adam sighed dramatically. "Come on, all of you." 

"Shotgun!!" Lee announced, rushing ahead. Everyone followed him, Orlando with Adam, Luke with his small family, looking at his son like a proud father ought to, Richard chatting with Martin and Graham looking after Jimmy's wild scarf. 

Dean carried Elijah, who was already half-asleep from all the excitement, leaning his head on Dean's shoulder. 

"You look nice with a kid, Spare-Dad," Aidan pointed out from Dean's right. 

"Thanks," Dean grinned, reaching out a hand. Aidan took it, and they walked out after the others. Dean narrowed his eyes at the sudden brightness and laughed. 

"It's snowing! I missed snow." 

"Yeah. When you left, it rained for the whole time. All snow melted. But when I was driving to the airport, to come to New Zealand, it started snowing again." Aidan grinned. "Do you know what that means?" 

"London loves me," Dean suggested, taking a deep breath of the fresh air. It smelled like winter. 

"It means that you belong here." Aidan said and squeezed Dean's hand. Elijah, already asleep, squeezed Dean just a little tighter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter left!! I enjoyed this!! Love you! <333 xD


	23. Suits and roses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here we go, a year later <33

1 YEAR LATER 

 

Dean looked down at the white suit, heart pounding faster than ever. The suit seemed to be mocking him, just like the big mirror on the wall, framed with glittering silver. His own reflection was looking at him with amused pity. He ran a hand through his golden curls and fell down on the chair. He was incredibly nervous. His hands were shaking, and he squeezed them together. He felt sick. The smell of the flowers filling the room made him sick too, even though he himself had wanted just those flowers. Gracious. What was he doing? He should be dressed already. He should've been dressed a long time ago. 

A knock on the door made him cry out, and Adam peaked in, already dressed up. He saw Dean, in his pajamas, and barged in, closing the door behind him. 

"Dean! You have to be there in five minutes! What is this? Why aren't you ready?" Adam asked, horrified, and tried Dean's forehead. "You seem fine to me." 

"I AM fine," Dean said, leaning back. "But I feel dizzy. And nervous. I'm shaking." He held out a hand to prove his point. "And how is it POSSIBLE to feel the need to go to bathroom every two minutes?!" 

Adam laughed, sitting down next to Dean. He took Dean's hand and smiled proudly. Dean just felt weak, unable to even smile back. He was afraid even his legs wouldn't work. 

"This is normal. Definetly. Don't you remember Luke? He was a wreck. I'm telling you, you'll be fine. You'll be more than fine!" He raised Dean's hand so Dean could see the ring. A simple circle of silver, shining bright in the sunlight coming from the window. 

"If you feel bad just look at that." Adam said. "Or... do you want to cancel?" He seemed worried, getting serious and squeezing Dean's hand maybe a little too tight. 

"No!" Dean nearly shouted, shocked. "Of course not! I would never think that. Or want to do that, Adam! I'm just scared." He sighed and deflated like a balloon, falling against the cushions again. 

"Good," Adam smiled. "And scared of what? I've never seen Aidan look at anyone like he looks at you. I'm telling you, you have NOTHING to be scared or worried about." 

"I know." Dean sighed, managing a smile. "Let's get me dressed then, shall we?" 

Dean had never liked suits. He was more the type of sweatpants or loose jeans and a t-shirt. He felt odd in the perfetly white pants, white vest and white jacket. Only the rose was red, like a spot of blood on untouched snow. His hair too was clean and brushed like it probably never had been. He had left it quite long, the curls of pure gold falling to frame his face. He was pale, and his eyes shone bright blue. 

"Now you look like a proper angel, angel boy," a voice said, and Dean turned to smile at Kain, who had come to the room silenty. Kain too was in a suit, though grey, and his hair was back on a tidy ponytail. His green eyes flashed happily. 

"Thanks, Kain," Dean said, leaning in to hug the other. "I thought you'd be downstairs already." 

"Had to come and see you first." Kain grinned. "You look-" 

"Beautiful!" Adam said and laughed. He pushed a lost curl out of Dean's face. "You are beautiful." 

"Adaaam..." Dean mumbled, blushing. 

"What? Save the blush to Aidan! Are you ready?" Adam made Dean turn around and show that he really was ready. 

"Perfect." Adam nodded, already tearing up. "Let's go." 

They walked down the stairs, two at a time, and Dean was glad both Kain and Adam walked with him. He felt like he'd faint anytime now. "Adam, I feel bad," he whispered as they stopped behind the decorated double doors. He was nearly hyperventilating. 

"You'll be fine! It's just friends in there, you know that. Friends. People who love you." Adam said. Kain nodded from Dean's other side. "You'll be fine." 

"But... It's also Aidan's family," Dean inhaled sharply. "I can't! They'll kill me." 

"Kill you? Jesus!" Kain laughed. "Do you hear yourself? They love you." 

Dean took deep breaths and forced himself to calm down. It would be over soon enough. "I hate being in the spotlight." He mumbled miserably. 

"You won't notice them. I swear. All you'll see will be Aidan." Adam promised just as the music started, and the doors were pulled open at exactly same time. 

And Adam was right, like he usually was. The walk was long, people smiling at Dean from either side, but Dean barely noticed they were there. All he saw was Aidan at the end of the aisle, standing a little higher, next to the priest. Dean wanted to run to him, but was glad Adam's iron grip prevented him from doing that. 

Aidan looked amazing. He was wearing a black suit, but his rose was just as red as Dean's. His dark curls were brushed carefully too, yet they still managed to be as wild as ever. Aidan smiled, wider than Dean had ever seen, and looked so happy and proud that Dean felt himself start smiling too. Adam was crying openly next to him already, and Kain laughed behind his hand. Richard stood at the front row, holding hands with the pretty waiter Aaron, whom Dean had learned to know and like a lot. Both smiled at Dean. Luke, Scarlett, and their one-year-old were on the other side, next to Martin and Elijah. Orlando was waiting for Adam, Graham and Jimmy had saved a spot for Kain. Lee stood next to Orlando, since it had become obvious only Orlando was able to calm his excitement down so he wouldn't be cheering and jumping. 

"Love you," Adam whispered as they came to the end of the aisle, where he moved to stand next to Orlando. Kain squeezed Dean's hand as he turned to Graham and Jimmy. 

Dean took a deep breath, walking up the few stairs and finally standing next to Aidan. He gave Aidan a small, nervous smile, as the priest began talking. 

"You look beautiful," Aidan whispered, taking Dean's hand. His hand was warm, his pulse steady, and Dean felt himself calm down too. He smiled more widely. 

"You look gorgeous. I rather like you in a suit." 

"Me too." Aidan glanced down at his suit. "But it's incredibly uncomfortable." 

"Tell me about it," Dean huffed silently, only half aware of what the priest was saying. "I love you." 

"I love you too," Aidan said, squeezing his hand. 

Dean thought about the first time they had seen each other. Aidan had ran to him after he had dropped the grocery bag and broken his finger. Aidan had bandaged his hand, and Dean had felt lighter than ever. Aidan had carried him upstairs to change into a pair of terrible bunny socks after Dean had stepped on the cake. It had been the first dinner with the people Dean now loved more than anyone. It had been Dean's first weekend in London. The first snow. Aidan had stayed up the whole night with Dean when Dean had his nightmare. He had brought his tv to Dean's apartment and built a blanket fort for him. He was the only one in Dean's mind. The first and the last love. Dean looked at Aidan and felt warm. Aidan was already looking at him with a grin. 

"I do."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The EEEEENNNNDDDD!!! Hope you liked it!! :))) They got each other, everyone's happy.. Perfect xDD  
> I hope you all enjoyed the whole story despite the darker chapters in between... :)  
> Thank you!


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